DO I REALLY WANT TO QUIT WEED ?

Postby JUSTPAUL251071 » Wed Apr 04, 2018 6:34 pm

Ive reached a real crossroads in my life and I need to decide if weed is any good to me anymore, I'm 46 and have been smoking weed since I was 15, I suffer with anxiety which I did before I started smoking it and am pretty sure I have a form of borderline personality disorder. ive recently had my marriage ended after 18 years to a woman I love dearly because I cant seem to function properly anymore I cant manage money,i cant feel for anyone much except in extreme circumstances,even with my children, my emotions are completely all over the place, ive become extremely selfish and withdrawn and I don't know if it bdp and depression or whether it is the weed. The problem I have is I really enjoy parts of smoking weed (I hate some also especially paranoia), with it I feel creative, I make people laugh, I appreciate things, I think about things that seem to be blocked out when I'm straight, I relax, music and television are enhanced and I love being stoned but am I kidding myself, is being sober better? the problem is straight I'm like a robot, buzzing about everywhere with high anxiety,i cannot feel happy straight, I cant remember the last time I fully laughed or felt appreciation of things being straight. I really could do with advice because I feel I have lost everything by not being able to manage my life and being stoned but I really don't know if I want to be straight either where I just feel empty
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Apr 04, 2018 7:14 pm

JUSTPAUL251071 wrote:

BAD: ive recently had my marriage ended after 18 years to a woman I love dearly because I cant seem to function properly anymore I cant manage money,i cant feel for anyone much except in extreme circumstances,even with my children, my emotions are completely all over the place, ive become extremely selfish and withdrawn

GOOD: with it I feel creative, I make people laugh, I appreciate things, I think about things that seem to be blocked out when I'm straight, I relax, music and television are enhanced


It sounds to me like the GOOD isn't doing too much to help you with the BAD.

Maybe you are over estimating the good? I mean, if you're creative, make people laugh and appreciate things...why is your wife leaving? I bet she doesn't agree with this self-assessment. Probably most people don't see the GOOD the same way you do. Are you maybe unintentionally kidding yourself a little?

and I don't know if it bdp and depression or whether it is the weed.


It doesn't have to be either/or. It could be a combination of all three.

From 15 to 46 you won't want to quit weed without professional help. If and when you do decide, don't try and self-help. You need to go to a professional and let them develop a structured plan that can take into account the interaction between bdp, depression, and substance abuse.
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#2

Postby JUSTPAUL251071 » Wed Apr 04, 2018 7:37 pm

hi Richard thanks for your reply, the problem i feel weed is the only way out of the bleakness of being straight, I'm scared my life wont improve if i give it up, I'm scared that i wont be able to cope with everything that is wrong with my life whereas being numbed to all my problems helps me make it through at least one more day,especially now my whole world has left me and i cant see how i can get her back, she doesn't trust me anymore and i cant feel/show love to her or my children, what if it is the BDP and I'm incapable of love, I'm just about coping on the weed and scared of the consequences if i quit, i can mask things when I'm stoned...the whole tears of a clown scenario
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Apr 04, 2018 7:42 pm

JUSTPAUL251071 wrote: what if it is the BDP and I'm incapable of love, I'm just about coping on the weed and scared of the consequences if i quit...


That is the entire point of professional help. They can help answer all the "what if" questions.

Outside of professional help it is just people guessing and throwing out their personal opinions. The sooner you seek out a professional opinion verses multiple random public opinions the sooner you will start working towards answers grounded in expertise instead of speculation.
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#4

Postby JUSTPAUL251071 » Wed Apr 04, 2018 7:45 pm

funnily enough I have my first counselling session with a psychotherapist this Friday, thanks for your help, it has made me look at things a bit different
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#5

Postby tokeless » Wed Apr 04, 2018 7:54 pm

Hi,
All weed smokers think it makes them more creative but ask yourself what have you created stoned? I'll wager you've had plans and thoughts but never followed them through.
I love the Pink Floyd lyrics from 'Time':
"Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time. Plans I made have come to nought or half a page of scribbled lines"
The fear is normal but a fear none the less. You've listed many reasons why you need to consider stopping but you have to make that step. As Richard says, get a plan and some real help. "Feel the fear but do it anyway" is a good book about facing your fears/anxiety.
It can be done but only if you want to.
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#6

Postby JUSTPAUL251071 » Wed Apr 04, 2018 9:00 pm

thanks tokeless, love pink floyd
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