Need serious help

Postby Koril » Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:33 am

Been off weed for almost 5 months now and it doesn’t seem to be getting better . I’ve lost all motivation in life , my memory is f***ed , short term and long term . Am constantly feeling under a cloud of confusion , depression and anxiety. I’ve been a heavy smoker since the age of 16-27 also dabbling into other substances like ketamine , benzos and ecstasy .

Anyone out there who has made it thru recovering 100% ? Am in dire need of help breaking thru this cycle . I’ve been jobless for almost 3 years after graduation and I can’t seem to get ahold of myself . Someone out there please help .

Will my brain ever recover after abstinence?

Regards ,
KORIL
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Apr 05, 2018 12:08 pm

Koril wrote: I’ve been jobless for almost 3 years after graduation


So how do you spend your days?

What will help are things that require cognitive effort. You say your memory is impaired, so deliberately work on memory tasks. Deliberately join book clubs, etc.
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#2

Postby Bagobones » Thu Apr 05, 2018 1:57 pm

I have! I am in a very good place now.

I struggled with alot of "brainfog", feeling like my IQ had dropped alot. I also had absolutely no motivation at all.

But I did plan out every day. And followed through with my plans, although I had no motivation at all. In retrospect, and after getting help from mental health professionals, I did too much and got overwhelmed. My shrink even asked me if I was successfull outrunning my problems.. hehe.. So its a balancing act of doing but still being mindfull about what you can do.

One thing that helped me that I read about was learning language with an app called duolingo. I read somewhwere that music making and language was good mental training for this, so I did language. Not really serious, but consistently.

Another thing that helped me was to be out there with people. That kept me out of my own head alot, keeping my negative disfunctional brain busy with external things. Sports, social, work related and so on.. I am kind of introverted, and like my own company, so I had to "go for it". it did not come naturally.

So your unimployed? Have you thought about volunteering? Its good for your resumee too. And its good for your head too I hear.

Get professional help is also a good thing. I should have done that earlier than i did. But be a bit careful with who you pick. Go for doctors and mental health professional that knows and respect drug related problems. My 2 first shrinks was a total miss and did more harm than good. The third was amazing... So shop around for health care personel if you can.

Good luck ! To give you a timeline, most of my motivation and low IQ was gone after a year.
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#3

Postby Koril » Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:54 pm

Richard : I usually just sit around the house or cooped up in my room , reading as much as I can . I do not have the drive to be out and about in public as my social anxiety kills me inside .

Bagabones : I’ve never thought about volunteering , being in my own skin makes me feel uncomfortable. I’ve always had some sort of substance in me to break thru feeling really anxious and nervous inside . It’s really hard for me to socialize with people as I’ve lost my sense of wittiness and I can’t really relate with people anymore . I have a feeling that I’ve moved to the point of no return . Sigh
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#4

Postby LondonScouse » Thu Apr 05, 2018 9:07 pm

Hey dude,

I'm also about the same timeline as you.

To be quite honest with you, after being sober for months, its so easy to feel down as I haven't recovered no where near enough as I would have liked. Especially when there are accounts of people on forums who are living happy lives after a few weeks or a couple of months...

Just to give you some background info, I smoked weed everyday for years from ages of 16-21. I quit for like 4-5 months, saw about 20% improvements and then started smoking again till 23. I quit properly at the end of October however I have slipped up once or twice..

Before I started smoking weed, I was never depressed, was very sociable, didn't even know what anxiety was. As my weed consumption increased, I first noticed the social anxiety while I was high, then not long after came the depression.

Throughout my daily smoking years, I still managed to graduate with two degrees, and I did start a job in October around the same time I quit.

Still though...since then, I haven't improved too much. Yeah my social anxiety has decreased somewhat, I might actually laugh sometimes, my social skills have slightly improved, but my core problems remain. I feel like a shell of my former self, I don't process emotions properly (inability to cry & laugh), still feel unconformable in some social interactions, I can't relate to people like I used to be able to, my capacity to derive pleasure from previously-enjoyable activities is greatly diminished, my personality and sense of humour is practically non-existent, my cognition is no where near what it used to be, etc etc...

On the other hand I haven't a great effort throughout my second quit. I don't exercise as anyone with drug-induced brain problems should do. I don't read enough. I don't eat healthy enough. etc

Still though I'm a tank, and I'm kind of willing to feel like sh** for a long long time as long as this improves and gets better. I would say i'm about 10% better than I was like 5 months ago, which isn't much :(.
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Apr 05, 2018 9:36 pm

Koril wrote: I do not have the drive to be out and about in public as my social anxiety kills me inside .


That is an unfortunate side effect of your society.

You are not alone. Given a society that does not require social interaction the result is less than surprising. The conditions by which a person can be in their 20’s and without necessity to work is a society of abundance. This results in a society that enables. By that I mean not just parents, but the community at large.

Given a society lacking in abundance you would be forced to contribute or perish. There would not be the resources to allow the individual to isolate oneself while abusing substances. There would be no culture enabling years of degradation.

Alas, you are in the society of abundance so what do you do? You have a choice...

-1- Blame society, sit back and let others take care of you permanently or until that time when abundance runs out. You will suffer some permanent angst, but it doesn’t require any effort.

-2- Don’t accept societies handouts. Take an active role in reducing those things that give you comfort. Take steps to actively increase your anxiety. Ask for help from anyone and everyone to remove the crutches on which you currently rely. In this case the angst will not be permanent. It will be worse initially and then better as you learn to navigate a world currently foreign to you.
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#6

Postby Coldturkey2018 » Fri Apr 06, 2018 1:32 am

When I quit smoking marijuana my social anxiety was pretty bad I was going to the gym like I usually was before when I was smoking and couldn’t have conversations with people at the gym like I used to I felt very awkward at first. But I kept forcing my self to keep going to the gym and tried to be as polite as possible to people while I was out in public and that seemed to help with my social anxiety a lot. I still suffer from it abit but I’m in school still atm and I gotta communicate with my teachers and peers so I have no choice but to push my self out of my comfort zone. So maybe try doing activity’s that will push you out of your comfort zone it can definitely feel hard to find the motivation at first trust me I know depression just sucks the life out of you and so does feeling anxious all the time but it will pass as you continue to work on yourself.
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#7

Postby Koril » Fri Apr 06, 2018 3:30 am

Richard : you’re right , but I’ve been consuming myself too much thinking that am not good enough for society. I’ve lost almost all of my friends being the way I am

Is there’s anyway that am able to change the way I think ? I have a feeling that I should constantly reassure myself with positive affirmations but my train of thought takes me from one place to the other . Do you have any other suggestions to how can I better myself ?

Cold turkey : I used to go to the gym a lot but I hardly talk to anyone . I’ve always been a lone wolf . If you do not mind me asking , how long Has your abstinence from weed/drugs been ?
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#8

Postby Bagobones » Fri Apr 06, 2018 3:46 am

Koril wrote:Richard : you’re right , but I’ve been consuming myself too much thinking that am not good enough for society. I’ve lost almost all of my friends being the way I am

Is there’s anyway that am able to change the way I think ? I have a feeling that I should constantly reassure myself with positive affirmations but my train of thought takes me from one place to the other . Do you have any other suggestions to how can I better myself ?

Cold turkey : I used to go to the gym a lot but I hardly talk to anyone . I’ve always been a lone wolf . If you do not mind me asking , how long Has your abstinence from weed/drugs been ?


You could stop looking for the easy pill out of this.. It does not exist. Get out of your comfortzone. Wherever you look, wherever you search, you will find the same answers.. Eating more healthy, training, being more social... those things.. Its a reason why everybody says it... it works. its hard. And its not a five minute fix...

It does not matter how long cold turkey has been sober, he is right....
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#9

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Apr 06, 2018 4:02 am

Koril wrote: Do you have any other suggestions to how can I better myself ?


It’s already been said. There is no magic pill or easy fix. It doesn’t exist.

You better yourself by getting out and doing, by facing the uncomfortable, by not hiding. It isn’t fun, but that’s all you have.
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#10

Postby Koril » Fri Apr 06, 2018 4:05 am

With that being said , guess I’ve got no choice but to do the inevitable. Breaking out of the cycle is gonna be a pain . But I gotta do what I gotta do . Need a better life for myself
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#11

Postby laureat » Fri Apr 06, 2018 2:47 pm

believes = feelings

if you believe that you are in trouble because you trying to quit smoking , the belief itself is going to lead you to feel somehow, it may lead you panic

insecure, tired, no memory, no energy, no ideas what else to do

success = confidence

success = brakethrough

dont panic, the more you keep going you will be more confident about it, and soon its going to be easier

write down the success

zoom the progress , help oneslef believe it is working
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#12

Postby olskoolru » Sat Apr 14, 2018 8:05 pm

Hi Koril,

Unfortunately, you are still very early in your recovery. The good news is that it will get much much better as long as you don’t relapse. I’m about 5-6 years weed free and am feeling excellent. To the point that I don’t even keep track of every minute that passes wondering when I’d be free of the pain.

I did have to eventually to resort to low dosages if some anti-anxiety pills because they were the only thing that stopped my constant headaches. A plus was a little bit of anxiety reduced. I’ve noticed that most weed addicts in recovery would rather not take any pills. In my experience, as long as it was in a controlled setting under doctor supervison, it worked wonders on me.

Are there people that made it through without pills? Absolutely. Do whatever you think is right for you.

Check out my early posts and maybe you can get some inspiration from them.

Be strong!

OSR
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