What should I do?

Postby Thea26 » Mon Apr 16, 2018 2:31 am

Hi folks

I have known my bf for 7 years. We were frnds for 2 years then got into relation and were in relation for 4 years. I have a online frnd who I met online 7 or 8 years back nd we are still in touch but we never met each other, just message and calls. We are kinda best frnds. My bf thinks he likes me and I too likes him back. Thats why he broke up wid me 1 year ago. I do care for ma frnd alot but as a frnd only. He is so nice and i think any girl will be lucky to have him. He never said to me that he likes me.

2 years back ma bf told me to stop talking to him as he told me to choose him or ma frnd and i chose ma bf. But after 1 year ma frnd contacted me again and we are now again in touch but ma bf again thought we have some kind of fling going on. He verbally abused me and broke up wid me as this time, I told him i would not stop talking to ma frnd. I first tried to talking to my bf but then i used to call him once in 3 or 4 months. But he never talked more than 2 or 3 minutes and never called me back. During the times he talked to me, he would always accuse me of cheating on him wid my frnd and would verbally abuse me. say things that forced to me feel like some kind of slut. during 1st 2 months of break up, I took off from my work but never told home as i live alone. i used to cry every day and he knows all, through what i was going on but still he never called or asked. i do still cry and whenever i cry, i really cry hard. its some kind of like panic attacks, i just cry uncontrollably and is unable to control myself to stop crying. sometimes, i also cry on my work place. it is just when memory comes back or i am alone, my mind automatically goes to him whenever i am alone. that is why i live with my roommate but she is moving out next month and i m really worried, how i will survive alone. i have this kind of thing, i never cry in front of others, i can control my emotions but when i am alone, i can't.

But last month he called me after 1 year and talked to me for long time. firstly roughly, usually the insults, how my boyfrnds are and how i am doing wid them. but i never tried to make bf after him and that i am single, he dont believe. then afterwards he talked to me normal that he miss me and want me back in his life on one condition if I leave my online frnd. I told him he should accept me widout any condition but he said NO so am I. Next day he called me back, i snapped at him why he was calling me, where was his gf he was talking about and ended the call. Previous night, I told him not to call me back as my final exams were going on and last night i talked to him till morning and also have exam in morning. i know i can't resist him that is why i told him not to call me as i have exams. but anyways he called and when i ended the call angrily, he called me back. but wid his girl on conference and told me to listen as he had something to show me. But all they did was sex chat. Then also i said him nothing in turn but that it is his life. he made his decision to finish things with me and i respect his decision and said nothing but tries again and again to make him to talk to me.


whenever i call him once in a 3 or 4 months, he rarely talks normal, usually insults or accusations about cheating on him. he always disrespect me. but then again i call him back. when i called him on my bday after waiting for 3 or 4 days, he did not wished me or mentioned it.

I just want to get out of this thing that i call him back every time like i have no self respect and everytime he says more abusive words and insults. I want to get free from this crying thing. I dont to want to get hurt or cry anymore. but it still hurt like hell whenever i remember our memories, talks, plans for future and his love. sometimes, i think is it so wrong of me to have a online frnd who do care for me alot? he knows our reason for breakup and he again suggested me to leave him like last time when my bf told me and go back to my bf. but i can't. I feel so guilty like i am using my frnd whenever i want, I talk to him and when not, end things with him, but he never says back anything but only that he understands. Now, when i remember his words, his insults i fell so depressed. it feels like i am good for nothing that i can't even handle my one relation. i think i can never be in relation again as i have my trust issues now, alot.

i tried talking to my frnds and i did. but again and again. i feel like some dumb sh**, crying over same thing again and again and my frnds worry about me alot. so i thought why not share with strangers and please do suggest me what should i do? how should i overcome this thing of calling him( i feel like i have no self respect whenever i end call with him) again and again and preventing my mind about thinking about him?



THANKS!!!!!!
Thea26
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Apr 16, 2018 3:51 am

Disconnect from the Internet and social media.

Find other ways to use your time. Get involved in activities that are face to face. Volunteer, join a club, read, learn a foreign language, go hiking.

The reason you keep repeating the same mistakes is because a digital connection gives a quick, temporary shot of feel good chemicals. Your brain likes it, similar to craving sugar. Every text, every new message or communication is a small dose. It is unhealthy.
Richard@DecisionSkills
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#2

Postby Thea26 » Mon Apr 16, 2018 7:33 am

THANK YOU for the so fast reply Richard. I do appreciate your reply. I already use less social media but whenever i use, the first thing i do is check his profile, And whenever i call him, at that time my mind is blank. But i do regret it every time afterwards as i always get to listen new words about me which obviously are not good!!!!
Thea26
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