un-friendable?

Postby Whyme2282 » Tue Apr 17, 2018 6:23 am

I suppose I should start with the fact that I have to type here because I have no one else to type or talk to. I honestly can not tell you the last time I had a true friend. I have a Facebook account with a friend list, but are they "friends". I have tried to message a few to say "hi, how are you". I can see they read it, but they never respond back. Others who I have tried to say "hi " to are constantly posting their social outings and I am never invited.
I have a boyfriend of more than five years, we are not engaged. I found out from one of his friends that neither himself(the friend) nor any of his other friends like me. I don't know why. I have always been nice to them. On top of that I just inadvertently saw a the message with my boyfriend telling his friend that his mom doesn't like me either. I always thought she like me so that was definitely a low blow. His friends have get togethers and invite everyone on Facebook, but always seem to leave me off the invite list even though each person of the other couples gets an invite. When he asked them about it, they said they just wanted him to come.
I have noticed a trend for when people do contact me, they usually want something. Then after I help them I don't hear from them again. It kinda works the same with my relationships. I'm like Chuck from "Good Luck Chuck". People date me until someone better comes along and then they leave and stay with the next person.
I tried joining different groups/classes, but I tend to get ignored. I'm pretty much just tolerated by most people.
I believe I have always had this issue. In high school no one came to my high school graduation party. It was just some of my parents friends and neighbors. I felt humiliated having to explain why no kids were there.
Years later at my baby shower, I had no "friends" show up. So again just some of my moms friends and family. I tried to invite people out people for my 30th Birthday, I was even paying, no one came. Some actually showed up at the same bar, when they saw me they pretended like they didn't see me and scurried back out the door.
I don't understand why no one ever wants to be a friend or start a friendship....anything. I have a cell phone and the only people who have text me in the last year is my boyfriend, son or my mother. I guess I need to accept it and give up trying.
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#1

Postby Candid » Tue Apr 17, 2018 7:49 am

People here on the forum can't tell you why no one likes you, and searching yourself for what's wrong with you is going to be counter-productive.

Do you like you? Can you be your own best friend, just for a while? Because I see you courting people, inviting them, paying for them... and that hasn't worked, has it?

Stay away from people who say they don't like you. Get to know yourself, and to be content with yourself. Find out what makes you happy, and pursue it. Stop worrying about whether people like you, and start enjoying your life. You'll meet new people along the way, some of whom will like you while others won't. That's their business, whichever way it goes. It has nothing to do with you, unless you keep trying to please the ones who don't like you.
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#2

Postby Livetowin » Tue Apr 17, 2018 10:51 am

The answer to your pain is easily resolved. Quit letting other people define you. A kitten that knowingly walks into a lions den will likely be attacked and devoured every time no matter how it makes its entrance. Why? Because the kitten fails to recognize the environment it's walking into. It's making the mistake of thinking when it acts a certain way or gives something a certain way, it will somehow change the DNA of the lion to be something other than what it is. It thinks that watching the lion love on it's cubs is something it too should be able to partake because the lion is displaying what it defines as universal affection. Translation: Understanding your company means you first understand yourself in that equation.

Let's start with your boyfriend. And when you say boyfriend, I assume you mean someone you have intimate contact with, who shares allot of time with you. But by your definition he seems to be the architect to your isolation. He plans social events and for some reason you're left out. How is it he remains your boyfriend? Why would you give him the time of day to even bother with him or offer intimacy if, by your definition, he deplores you?

There's also something very contradictory about what you describe as actions from people you label as "close". Are you someone who enjoys being shamed or are you being melodramatic because you're not the center of the universe at every event you go to? I note a certain expectation in all of your depictions as if people should be catering to you when you perform some kind of transaction for them. There's an enormous amount of self pity in your depiction that is easily resolved. Dump these ignorant arse-holes if they are TRULY the people you say they are. Quit walking into the lions den and being devoured.

If your description is not fair and accurate, then ask yourself why you feel the way you do but remain in their company anyway. Are you simply a person that needs to be doted on constantly with immediate gratification or are all of these people truly out to humiliate and degrade you? What IS at the center of either scenario is you. You don't know who you are and you have determined that the actions of others must decide that instead of yourself.

If someone truly does not treat you with respect or show courtesy to communicate with you, then move on. But if you display an enormous amount of expectation from everyone you meet and start judging them for every perceived slight you define, then maybe part of the problem is yourself. Accountability must first start with yourself. Before you can love and care for others, you must first love and care for yourself.. Understand who it is you are. Only through understanding yourself can you begin to grow a sense of awareness as to what you truly want and whether the people around you are a good support structure for the person you are.

People are not perfect. They get busy and intend to do things better than what they sometimes display. Welcome to the human race. But Facebook is not a good place to measure the human condition. It's like a brief chat room. That is not where reality is found. The real world is outside your door. It's also within yourself. Have you walked unwittingly into a lions den or are you misunderstanding the people around you because you don't feel good about yourself? No one can answer that question but yourself. So start looking at things honestly. Be good to yourself and only surround yourself with people who are positive role models in your life. The rest of that bunch? Well do what you would do with anything that smells. Take out the trash. Move on and be done with them. Life is short. Don't waste it on negative energy from others.
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