Anybody “successfully” in love with a recovering addict?

Postby PrettyBoi » Wed Apr 18, 2018 9:53 pm

Hey all,

I am writing this to better understand what my girlfriend is going through with me.

Here’s the backstory:
I am a recovering addict and I am doing very, very well. My girlfriend and I met when I was 5 weeks clean, we then became platonic friends/pen pals for two months while I worked through the icky detox stuff, and then she asked me to move in with her and be her girlfriend. Before I left my family home where I began my recovery, my girlfriend and I made some serious agreements about my health and recovery and what role she would have in my support group etc etc.. we knew it wouldn’t be easy but acknowleging the potential difficulties before committing to each other somehow, actually, made things pretty easy

I am 28yrs old and almost 8 months clean/sober. I haven’t been an addict my whole life- I struggled with hard drugs between the ages of 15-17 (after my dad died) and again from the age of 25-27 because I was having a self-induced existential crisis of some sorts. with a lot of loving help, I quit everything from Tylenol to caffeine, I go to meetings, therapy, I see a drug counselor and a regular physician, I exercise annnnnnnd I contribute financially. Things are good. I most definitely have my “bad” days... days where my body has physical flashbacks to the pain I made it suffer, random feverish chills or sudden depression for ten minutes. mental frustration is my biggest enemy because my mind knows what “better” feels like but my physical body still needs some time to heal (imagine uma Thurman in Kill Bill when she’s screaming at herself “wiggle your big toe!!”).

I guess I have two suspicions:
1. I’m actually getting better and I’m not that difficult to love anymore. She’s probably going through what any normal person goes through in a relationship with another human who has human feelings.

2. My girlfriend is actually an angel that is making sacrifices for my recovery that I am unaware of. Like maybe she is so committed to helping me get my life back that she puts up with all of my pain right now and doesn’t complain. Never not once ever has she thrown anything in my face. She really believes in me and knows that I would care for her in the same way.

Thanks for reading, please help me understand what it is like to be in her shoes... i love her so much and I want to know how to support her while she supports me.
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Postby tokeless » Wed Apr 18, 2018 10:28 pm

All your answers are within your relationship not a forum of anonymous people. I think you're seeing yourself as an 'addict' instead of someone who had an addiction. She's in love with you not the addict. Just show appreciation for her understanding and perhaps forgive yourself for your choices. No two people are the same and the label addict doesn't recognise the person, just their addiction and this is why, imo people struggle to recover because an 'addict' is always going to be an addict. The past is past, enjoy the now. Love and be loved
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