Stuck

Postby kaye03 » Fri Apr 20, 2018 1:28 am

Hi,

I just feel stuck with my life. I have tried things in the past to change it but it always ends up not bringing me anywhere again. So for some time I though "Oh well I guess I will do nothing" but I think its worst then trying to do something because then tension, anxiety, uneasiness, restlessness tend to boil up in huge ways. I am at the point that I can only do intense things in order to distract me from all those things accumulating. For instance I like to read. I love reading book. Before I could ready any kind now only the ones I find very interesting and that are easy for my me to get in to if they are not I simply can't read them and I can't point my focus on them. Am I maybe on the verge or on the right path of doing something stupid to ruin my life?
Here is another example how I am stuck no matter if I try: I took this year as good chance to start a new and I planed to find a new job if possible, go to therapy, learn how to drive a car on the highway (I do have a drivers licence but I only drive around my neighborhood on the weekends). Guess what: my dad has become a part-timer instead of a full-timer because his employer's company is doing bad and they are cutting off left and right. So he will only work two days a week. I wanted to do two of those things without him knowing (therapy and driving lessons) but I guess now I can't. Also I will probably spend time helping him apply for jobs because his English is not very good.

I just feel hopeless. I am considering becoming a flight attendant (even if there are not many male ones) or take some English classes and go to China to teach English in a rural area.

Do we really have the freedom to chose our lifes?

Help will be appreciated please. Thanks
kaye03
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Apr 20, 2018 1:32 am

kaye03 wrote:and go to China to teach English in a rural area.

Do we really have the freedom to chose our lifes?


I made that choice. Was a great experience.

So yes, you are fortunate enough to have the freedom to choose your life. Many people don’t have such freedom. Some people are literally slaves. Others are slaves of a situation like war or other extreme conditions. So, don’t waste your freedom. If you want to go to China, do it.
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#2

Postby kaye03 » Wed Apr 25, 2018 1:40 am

I am not even sure what I want to do in my life cause I totally lost the "compass" of where I am going and what I am doing or want to do.

About the freedom, I try to make changes and do something but then there is always something that falls in my way and not always I can "free the path again". Plus I am not sure if I mention that with every choice there is a consequence and nothing comes free. Do you have the guts to do it and face the consequences? I do and I don't. I wish I had the gust to go ahead and things and live with the consequences but for the most important choices I don't. Those time I did I always felt like a sense like: lost, not sure what am I doing, or feeling like I am not doing the right thing.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Apr 25, 2018 4:34 am

kaye03 wrote:I am not even sure what I want to do in my life cause I totally lost the "compass" of where I am going and what I am doing or want to do.


Which means you have tons of freedom. When all you have is two choices it is easy, but it means you don’t have freedom. You’re extremely fortunate that you have so many options it makes it difficult.

What might help is to write down a list of “I’m not...”.

E.g.
a surgeon.
a stock broker.
a professional athlete.
a farmer.
an office worker.
a dentist.
a programmer.
a psychologist.
an engineer.
a soldier.
a police officer.
a fire inspector.

By declaring what you know is definitely not a path you wish to pursue it will start to help you narrow in on the few things you may want to pursue. Take options off the table.

A problem many people have with lots of freedom is they only consider things they may want to pursue, which never removes anything. All options are on the table, which can be overwhelming.

Another strategy is to use “elimination by aspect”. This is a common decision tool that helps narrow choices. It also rules out large categories by eliminating them.

For instance, I don’t want a job outdoors, that requires shift work, that requires manual labor, etc. This helps narrow in on a few choices.
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