Talking to friends about problems

Postby bunnyrabbit » Sat Apr 21, 2018 8:28 pm

I sometimes have a problem or feel low/sad and I’ll try to talk to my friends about it and it’ll just be obvious that they just wish I wasn’t telling them it. Like they will be nice, but there will be an awkward atmosphere. Sometimes I’ll say something like ‘I had no friends at school’ and they will literally not respond.

I’m not an excessively complainer; I bring these topics up quite rarely and I see myself as mostly funny around friends.

I understand that some people just aren’t good with dealing with ‘feelings’ but if you can’t tell your friends these kinds of things, then who can you tell?

I am getting counselling so I obviously talk about my problems there, but counselling doesn’t last forever. Anyone relate to this?
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#1

Postby federico91 » Sat Apr 21, 2018 10:55 pm

Sometimes it is necessary to think more about the solutions and not so much about the problems, we can be talking and talking about the problems, we can be giving excuses, reasoning, explanations of why things are the way they are, and maybe that does not lead to any part, perhaps the most practical is to think about the solutions, moment by moment, life changes and is different, it is necessary to be alert and aware


Life changes constantly, the earth moves at a speed of approximately 28 kilometers per second, we move at a high speed through the universe, therefore, life situations change very fast and at every moment it is necessary to be aware, to be alert evaluate the different possibilities of action and act in the most accurate way sometimes thinking about the consequences in the short, medium and long term
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#2

Postby Livetowin » Sun Apr 22, 2018 3:40 am

Friends is a very broad term that you cast too wide an umbrella over. Who are these "friends"? After-work associates? Someone you met at parties? Facebook creations? What is the foundation to suggest they are close friends versus casual? That is the first question you need to ask yourself.

The second question is what exactly is your expectation when you make a sweeping statement about not having friends in school? What is there to say to something like that? And how did it come for you to actually say that? Was everyone recounting their school memories and it was your turn or did you just blurt that out from a conversation that wasn't in lockstep with that topic?

Personal matters are not wise topics to discuss over dinner and drinks with people you "hang out" with. Those kind of people are not there for group therapy. You can talk about movies, sports, maybe politics, and your favorite pop quotes of the day. These people are not equipped nor desire a deeper conversation, which is why you feel out of sorts when you bring it up. Wrong crowd, wrong topic, and you're putting too much weight on people who are not close to you on that level.

Calling someone a "friend" is simply a label if your encounters are essentially social and don't really delve into immensely personal moments. Know the difference and understand ultimately those are issues for you to work out, not for someone to pat you on the back after seeing a movie.
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#3

Postby Candid » Sun Apr 22, 2018 8:00 am

bunnyrabbit wrote:I am getting counselling so I obviously talk about my problems there, but counselling doesn’t last forever.


Seeing a counsellor or therapist is totally different from talking to a friend, as I'm sure you know. The point of any talk therapy is to give you the skills and confidence to manage relationships that will potentially last a lifetime.
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