What am I supposed to do?

Postby ScornedOne » Sun Apr 22, 2018 8:27 am

I live with a roommate and she isn't exactly the nicest person. She doesn't believe in mental illness, but she'll tell you she has depression. She got into it with me a couple months ago and made fun of me for self harming and my suicidal thoughts. Telling me to just go a head and kill myself.

I have PTSD from childhood abuse, so that aggravated it. And made my flashbacks and things bother me more than they used to. I had slightly healed from them, but now it's back near full force.

I am literally scared to death of doing something wrong and her screaming at me again. I clean up after her and her friends so she won't. I walk on eggshells. I have severe panic attacks on a regular basis and I'm back to self harming.

I don't have any family. My dad died in August which is why I'm living with her. My mother is a drug addict. And I have no siblings.
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Postby Candid » Sun Apr 22, 2018 8:58 am

PTSD from childhood abuse is undoubtedly Complex PTSD, and its most life-spoiling effect is that it makes all relationship difficult, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSh85lXP4vQ. Those of us who suffer C-PTSD have a way of attracting abusers and of not recognising them as such until it's too late and we've got involved in some way.

I think you're going to need real-life support (ie. some kind of talk therapy) to work out what's your room-mate and what's you. You can also work on self-perception while figuring out an exit plan. You need to know you're worth saving, and life can be good.

Screaming at you and telling you to go ahead and kill yourself is unacceptable, as is having to tiptoe around and do what she wants. I wish you luck!
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