Am i being psycologically affected by my writing?

Postby undia » Sun Apr 22, 2018 7:52 pm

So I've been writing a book for the past tow or three years and it has some pretty heavy messed up stuff in it, the stuff you'd expect in a post apocalyptic world. Writing this book has helped me channel a lot of the challenging situations in my life but I am worried the complex psychology of the book is starting to affect my own. My main character has a lot of trauma in her life that was loosely based off my own and so has been left with a lot of issues including a psychotic alter personality that is sadistic masochistic and extremely destructive. I'm worried that I've spent so much time writing about her that I've started to become like her and express some of her traits.
I got my best friend to read my draft a few weeks ago as I'm nearly finished and even she told me that my main character is like a more messed up version than me. We had a discussion about what colour i should dye my hair and she suggested that i go for a lighter blonde so I'd look more like her.
Maybe writing this character has made me face issues that I've been suppressing. Or maybe I've become so involved with the character and creating her trauma that its reflected on to me.
I even called my best friend the name of the main character's 'side kick' by accident. I cut myself on the shoulder and on the neck where my main character has scars. i didn't even think about it when i did it but looking back i realised the correlation.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Apr 22, 2018 10:13 pm

undia wrote: My main character has a lot of trauma in her life that was loosely based off my own and so has been left with a lot of issues including a psychotic alter personality


undia wrote:i have no trauma in my life or any diagnosed mental health issues


So how do you reconcile what you posted in August about no trauma or issues with what you now are posting?

The book sounds fun. Post apocalyptic is a popular genre. Is it zombie? Post nuclear or pandemic?
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#2

Postby undia » Mon Apr 23, 2018 10:24 am

I should have specified I meant they were loosely based of some of the problems I've faced and I wouldn't class it as trauma just unfortunate events
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#3

Postby undia » Mon Apr 23, 2018 10:29 am

But yeah, its based after a huge war which killed off a lot of the population. There are zombie like creatures that finished of what was left but they aren't undead, kinda like the things from 28 days later.
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#4

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Apr 23, 2018 1:56 pm

undia wrote:I should have specified I meant they were loosely based of some of the problems I've faced and I wouldn't class it as trauma just unfortunate events


Having read all of your threads it appears that you are going through a very normal process of trying to align how you want to be seen by others (external validation) with the things you internally find appealing (intrinsic validation).

Think about any number of people that identify as artists (writers, singers, actors, etc.). They seek external validation by making their creativity stand out. This requires being visibly different, often times more outlandish than others by design. The edge of the envelope must be pushed. They have to not only think of something more gory, scary, dark, or reprehensible than everyone else, but must be willing to share their thoughts as a sort of "shock factor".

It then follows that many of these artists try to explain why they have such creative thoughts. A common way is to search for some suffering or trauma, some abnormality they can attach to their thoughts. The suffering artist is such a cliche, yet it is the path most often taken. Many of these artists didn't really suffer or go through some huge trauma, but they have to sell that brand. It ruins the story, it detracts from the narrative to say they are just normal with a creative mind, so they have to figure out a way to turn themselves into a psychologically damaged individual.

That is what it looks like you are trying to do in this forum. You are in the process of testing. You are seeking some way to brand yourself as to have a good explanation for people when they ask about your "shock factor" thoughts.

My recommendation is to concentrate on the creative thoughts you enjoy. Keep writing them down. Don't apologize for them and don't try to create a fake suffering or trauma to explain them. Embrace being capable of creativity without having some tortured, psychologically dysfunctional upbringing.
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