ready to give up giving up !

#15

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Tue May 08, 2018 7:50 pm

And people, dont worry about 20 years stoned. Those thoughts will go away and be replaced by pride for quitting when you feel better.. Trust me and the 100000s of others saying it...

And even though time seems to stand still now when your detoxing and rewiring your brains, feeling flat, depressed and anxious, think about how time flies for us that have lived a little. When you are looking back at this time in a year from now, it will seem as that time too just flew by....

God, now I miss California! Ive never seen beautiful Bay Area sober, even though I lived there for many years...

George from UK, Cali-Detroit, Anxious_mary_420liked this post

Bagobones.....Thank you and I'm sure your right...I like the thought that I am re wiring my brain..It need it for sure. I'm so happy with all the support and encouragement I've been getting on here its amazing. My first time joining a forum and turns out it was a great move. I'm jealous of all you lucky people living in such a beautiful place..who knows maybe one day I will visit. My daughter wants me to take her to N.Y for her 16th next year so looks like I will get my first taste of America..Thanks again x
Anxious_mary_420
Junior Member
 
Posts: 82
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:33 pm
Likes Received: 41


#16

Postby Bagobones » Tue May 08, 2018 11:09 pm

Anxious_mary_420 wrote:My daughter wants me to take her to N.Y for her 16th next year so looks like I will get my first taste of America..


Sorry for the wall of text.

NYC is awesome. I support your daughters idea 100%.. Get her the gift, sober clearheaded mom!!! hehe.

Watch out for das Gestapo, eeeh, I mean Homeland Security though. USA imigration are just angry, bitter and aggressive humans. They dont smile ever. hehe. They have Darth Vader himself as a boss. I am certain of it! :) Very different to the chill and nice people in USA, and NYC in general. READ THE VISA RULES, and do as told!!! :) Or they WILL kick you out...

Anyways, yes your brain has to regulate some of your reseptors in your brain. And sensitize it. The flatness you feel is your brain readjusting the reseptors. When you became a chronic stoner, the brain down regulated the brains reseptors, to adjust to the THC. Or the new homeostasis. Now it is upregulating the same reseptors. The same system decenzitized it self while being a chronic stoner because of the THC to be balanced. Now it has to become more cencetive again, because of no THC to become balanced.
So flatness. Your brain is having a hissy fit, rebelling, and anxiety, flatness, depression, brainfog, etc. is its punishment for you.

Imagine your brain as a very spoilt child, and you just took away all her favorite toys. She is unhealthy obese, and you just took away all the candy and fastfood too, and left her an apple and some carrots.. :D You got some punishment coming your way madam, its how it is. You took away the toys and the bad food out of pure love for her, but it will take some time for the child to accept that, and in the meantime, the child is plotting against you. Punishing you. Your a mom, you know how that one goes... In the long run the spoilt rotten child will learn this new reality, and turn into a beautiful, charming, talented, amazing girl. So ask yourself, do you want to give the child back her toys and and candy for some peace of mind tonight, until she starts to scream and cry for more toys tomorrow, or do you want that awesome kid?
I am no doctor, but I have a good doctor, and a very good shrink! Thats what they have told me. I dont really understand half of it, but it also makes sence. And internet is confirming what my doctors have said.

I am tired now. Its been a loooooong day with a ton of meetings. But its summer. Ill provide some links to back up what I said later. And if I have missunderstood the way things work, I am very open to learn new things.... :)
Bagobones
Full Member
 
Posts: 208
Joined: Sun Sep 18, 2016 10:14 pm
Likes Received: 142

#17

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Wed May 09, 2018 6:10 pm

Bagobones ..Thank you what an awesome reply. It all makes perfect sense and I'm so glad you was able to explain it to me so clearly. I am more than willing to take my punishment having abused my poor brain for some 24 years. Today is 5 weeks and 5 days sober..so I have made a good start. Actually I am starting to feel like I am turning a corner, not saying for a moment I'm out of the woods yet but getting there I think !
I will definitely be bringing my daughter to N.Y.C early next year as it's what she has wanted for years now and am already saving up for our mummy and daughter trip ! The immigration people sound as scary as he'll though there not like that here sometimes in the U.K they even smile !!
Thanks again for your fantastic support it helps so much to chat to people going through the same thing xx
Anxious_mary_420
Junior Member
 
Posts: 82
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:33 pm
Likes Received: 41

#18

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Thu May 10, 2018 12:55 pm

Hi guys me again...so its 5 weeks and 6 days sober now..I have felt much better the last few days and started to get all excited thinking maybe I've got a handle on this...but today I feel really flat again, not depressed just flat. The doctor gave me some antidepressants a few weeks ago which I decided not to take as I see no point replacing one drug for another but last night after a follow up appointment the doctor said that I really should take them even if only for a month or so ( I sat there and explained that I felt loads better)anyway against my better judgement I came home and took one..big mistake, didn't sleep very well had a terribly upset stomach this morning and felt super nervous all morning, now I just feel exhausted and flat, can't get off the sofa...Needless to say I'm not taking any more. They are called sertraline50mg anyone had them..also my hands are shaking....I'm cross with myself that I listened to the doctor when my gut told me not to.
Hope your re all ok and still keeping up the good work xx
Anxious_mary_420
Junior Member
 
Posts: 82
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:33 pm
Likes Received: 41

#19

Postby Cali-Detroit » Thu May 10, 2018 4:33 pm

Hi Mary,

Great work on almost 6 weeks!

You never can tell with pharmaceuticals, but I'm glad you trusted yourself. Sometimes there is a period of adjustment before they start working, but in my personal experience, it's your bodies way of saying this isn't right. However, only you know what's right for you.

That sounds like a serotonin booster and I had a similar experience just the other night with a natural product, 5htp. I took one at about 9pm, and within the hour was drugged out tired, headache and nauseous. My sleep was terrible and I damn near threw up the next morning. I don't know, but I think personally we are in a very vulnerable state right now, and adding anything unnecessary to the mix is very likely going to cause a rejection. As another poster said, the brain is after one thing and one thing only, our beloved drug of choice, and it will accept no substitutes. I know some people get on just fine with scripts or natural supposed or whatever, but I'm not one of them.

My take at this point is to embrace the pain, welcome the suffering and accept that this is real life for the moment. Part of my problem was growing up in a very American, can-do, up by the bootstaps type of family that could suffer no negative emotions and who wouldn't allow much more than positivity and optimism.
Despite the fact that Dad himself was addicted and still is going on 50 years now.

But we all know the realities of life and the world we live in, and facing it with exposed nerves at this point is harder than I ever imagined. I'm sure you're feeling the same way. Hang in there, and embrace the good moments when they come, and when they do, you'll know they are real and genuine. Be well.


P.s. sorry for the long read, morning is my worst time
Cali-Detroit
Full Member
 
Posts: 141
Joined: Sat May 05, 2018 9:45 pm
Likes Received: 92

#20

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Thu May 10, 2018 6:16 pm

Cali-detroit thanks for that and I love that it's a long reply, sorry I always forget there is a big time difference between us !
I think your right though my body seems to be telling me it doesn't want them I still have the shakes now although feel a little less flat. How are you doing with your sobriety how longs it been now ?
You hang in there too..Thanks for chatting x
Anxious_mary_420
Junior Member
 
Posts: 82
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:33 pm
Likes Received: 41

#21

Postby Cali-Detroit » Thu May 10, 2018 7:32 pm

Heya Mary!

Well let's see April 4 was day one, so...36 days so far. I'm hanging right in there, thanks for asking. It's a rough time, but hey, we keep moving forward right? My wife was suggesting all sorts of things I could do, excercise, more adult time, meditation, etc. I listened politely, but had zero interest in any of it. My little ones are 5 and 2 yrs, and they love nothing more than for me to read them story after story after story. That gives me hope and purpose and motivation to continue on more than anything.
I've much to be grateful for, and I know this long, long journey will be worth it in the end. I'm taking it on faith, which is not something I've ever been good at, but I do see the value in it now. Moving ahead...

How are you doing?
Cali-Detroit
Full Member
 
Posts: 141
Joined: Sat May 05, 2018 9:45 pm
Likes Received: 92

#22

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Thu May 10, 2018 7:59 pm

Hi cali-detroit I understand what you mean when you say you had zero interest in doing any of the things your wife suggested even though to be fair she's probably got a point, I feel the same way. I should go for a walk or take an extra zumba class but by the time I've dragged myself through the day and done all the things I need to do I am already exhausted physically if not mentality! My kids are 17,15 and 5 they are all great kids but at the moment they just exhaust me. The eldest thinks he knows everything the middle one is a sweet girl but doesn't stop talking and my little boy is a bundle of energy that I feel unable to deal with right now. I'm doing my best and I love them all dearly but can't help but feel I am failing them all somewhat at the moment ! But of course you are right and we must keep moving on. One day hopefully very soon we will both feel amazing, in my heart of hearts I know this to be true. Take care and keep posting. Give your wife a hug and tell her how much you love her...We like that sort of thing !! X
Anxious_mary_420
Junior Member
 
Posts: 82
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:33 pm
Likes Received: 41

#23

Postby Bagobones » Fri May 11, 2018 9:25 pm

Anxious_mary_420 wrote:Hi cali-detroit I understand what you mean when you say you had zero interest in doing any of the things your wife suggested even though to be fair she's probably got a point, I feel the same way. I should go for a walk or take an extra zumba class but by the time I've dragged myself through the day and done all the things I need to do I am already exhausted physically if not mentality!


One of my experiences with quitting weed and ending up on this strange "other side" people talk so much about, is that stoner life and stoners are really boring. They sit there, usually inside or in the garden, being human chimneys. Then they talk about being a human chimney. Then they stare at the wall for some time, before they start getting ready for another hit from the pipe/bong/joint/dab etc. then Reapeat. and Repeat. and Repeat. and Repeat and Repeat and Repeat and Repeat and Repeat and Repeat and Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat.............................. etc.
That plant just aint that interesting. That is so narrowminded and booooooooooooooring for a sober person to hang out with. And the conversations? Dont get me started on stoners repeating the same story over and over and over and over....

So doing more is one of the things you have to get use too. It comes naturaly with becoming sober, or it did for me. And its not the whole "forcing myself to go thai boxing and yoga" during initial detox. Its more of a drive. "No way I am sitting inside on a beautiful day like this", way of doing stuff..

I think you two will be very happy for wifes suggesting stuff to do and a teeage girl talking and talking, eventually. Thats how sober people is. And its actually lovely. hehehe
Bagobones
Full Member
 
Posts: 208
Joined: Sun Sep 18, 2016 10:14 pm
Likes Received: 142

#24

Postby Cali-Detroit » Fri May 11, 2018 10:09 pm

Bones, great insight, thank you.

It's so true, I've taken great pleasure in just taking the scenic route around the lake on the way into town, instead of just going down the busy main Street to just "get it out of the way" and get back home to power puff the rest of the day away. And evening. And night, into the wee hours. Simple pleasures are the thing right now. Hopefully I'll get to the place where Thai Chi Yoga Zumba kickbox with a side of ten dozen push-ups is achievable, and I'm sure I will. But for now, simple and focused is the way. Appreciate the wisdom.
Cali-Detroit
Full Member
 
Posts: 141
Joined: Sat May 05, 2018 9:45 pm
Likes Received: 92

#25

Postby Foggy Noggin » Sat May 12, 2018 3:16 am

Hi Mary,

That sertraline you took was a starter dose of generic Zoloft, an SSRI. It's common for folks to feel the way you did when first taking it. I took several different SSRI's or SNRI's several years back when dealing with depression and anxiety, all the while smoking the chronic.

I took Zoloft/Sertraline for a couple years and it did not work real well for anxiety, and as far as depression goes, it just masked the feeling and made me feel numb. I also had brain fog, yawned all the time, and often had nausea, even after being on it for awhile.

I also took Effexor which is really hard to get off of, and one single dose of Wellbutrin gave me really bad tinitis that I still have to this day.

I know PAWS is horrible to go through (I am at nearly 3 months THC free) but I would recommend avoiding the prescription drugs, if possible.

Good luck and hang in there, better days are on the horizon!
Foggy Noggin
Junior Member
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 9:16 pm
Likes Received: 24

#26

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Sat May 12, 2018 7:44 am

Thanks Bagobones and foggy noggin great insight from you both. The only problem I'm dealing with really is anxiety and a foggy head at times, everything els seems to have gone which is great but the anxiety is strong. It was mostly in the evening but now it's as soon as I wake up, I start thinking of all this stuff that I should have already debt with and it takes over. We spent 12 years living in Spain but because of the financial crisis we had to come back to the U.K nearly 7 years ago, when we arrived back I was a mess because I loved my life there and missed my friends terribly but I got through it and in the end I started to make a life here again ( although always missed spain) now since I've stopped smoking it's like we arrived back last week, I'm missing everyone and wanting to go back all the time all over again !! I just ant to feel better but I know I'm kit alone we all want to feel better don't we. Thanks for the support all of you, you are really helping me get through this terrible time.x
Anxious_mary_420
Junior Member
 
Posts: 82
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:33 pm
Likes Received: 41

#27

Postby wakinglife » Sat May 12, 2018 3:19 pm

jage wrote:Hi. I was here years ago and managed to quit for 5 years with the help of this forum. I'm back here because I fell off the wagon big time. Quitting gained me focus, made me less numb to the world and, bonus, I lost weight and became fitter than ever!


Hey Jage!
I remember relating to your story when you were on here years ago. Great to see you back, offering sage words for others. You’ve seen the clarity that comes with quitting. Now it’s just a matter of staying on track. Helping others is one of the best ways I know of to accomplish this. Good contributions on this thread. Thanks to all for sharing what’s helped them.

WL
User avatar
wakinglife
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 1466
Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2006 9:07 pm
Location: Victoria, BC
Likes Received: 291

#28

Postby jage » Sat May 12, 2018 10:21 pm

Waking Life! Good to see you here again buddy! Yep. Here I am again. It was a long break from needing this forum, but I regretfully admit I need it again. Clarity is the best feeling and I so want that again. Day 31 for me today. Yip! Hope you've been hanging in. Just watched your namesake movie a few weeks ago and wondered how you were. Cheers!
jage
Full Member
 
Posts: 127
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2007 5:50 am
Location: Northern Cali, USA
Likes Received: 11

#29

Postby helenadoc » Sat May 12, 2018 11:07 pm

Hi Mary. I just wanna say my oppinion on meds. I haven't taken anything because i didn't want to. I do believe they are good and they can help people with problems. But i believe that our situation, being induced by substance abuse, is not going to resolve by using other substances to feel good. For me it just doesn't add up. It may mask it, or make it bereable and easier, but then it will make relapse more appealing, because you found something to make you feel better when you quit.
If i wouldn't have suffered so much because of it, i am sure i would've used again. In my withdrawal, the more i suffered, the more i pulled away from weed.
On top of that...last summer when i was so exhausted of sleep deprivation i took 1 vial of diazepam which is 10 mg, which is a lot for someone who doesn't uses it. Plus is the strongest anxiolytic from the benzo class. Besides of making me sleepy, which was the effect i wanted the most, it didn't do sh** for my anxiety. It was supposed to calm down my nerves really good, but it didn't. I was sleepy, slow, and it was very difficult for me to move, but inside i was still anxious. The next night i did the same thing, but with 2 vials because 1 wasn't enough like the other night. So that's 20 mg of pure diazepam in my veins. Sleepy again, but anxiety the same. It was a blessing to be able to sleep 2 nights in row from start to finish without waking up a million times and with short dreams that i didn't remember in every detail.
So yeah, i don't think medication helps with our mood very much. We have to go through it...
helenadoc
Junior Member
 
Posts: 93
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 4:18 pm
Likes Received: 69


PreviousNext

  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Addictions