10 months update


Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Sat May 12, 2018 8:12 am

How about you? can you share your story? Whats the most difficult youre dealing with, with your abstinence?

Hi dhay2604.... my story is much the same nothing special...I have smoked daily for 24 years and for the most part enjoyed every minute, until 6 weeks ago today when I suddenly realised I wasn't enjoying it anymore and I needed to stop so I did !! Had I known how I would feel I honestly might not have !! My anxiety is terrible and I'm having to tell myself constantly that it's PAWS and won't last although of course it feels like it will be this way forever ! I had depression but tbh that went quite quickly. I'm not happy with anything my job where we live etc..I miss the life I once had living in Spain but we moved back to the U.k nearly years ago and I thought I had dealt with it but now since giving up the weed it's like we arrived back last week.
I know everyone is going through similar struggles all in their own way and reading and writing on here has been the greatest support I have. My husband has been great but he gave up7/8 months ago having smoked longer than me and he had no issues whatsoever....Thanks for your support it means the world to me. You have done so amazingly to give up for 11 months it's truly inspirational....xx
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Postby helenadoc » Sat May 12, 2018 9:48 pm

Bagobones wrote:.
I had anxiety during my first year sober, but not really bad.. But wow, irrational fears.. What a trip that is!

Its all gone for me now, and I really hope for you too soon...

Yeah, those irrational fears are killing me. I'm going to a psychologist lately and she told me that "i need to know everything that happens" so i can't be surprised by anything. I'm always going to the intelectual side, to think everything out. Which is kinda true. Everything i have done i didn't do it in whim. I always read about what i was going to do, i did my research. I needed to understand in order to know what to expect or at least to have an idea of what is going to be. I think that is why i went to med school in the first place. I need logic to function.
And these irrational fears and anxiety are the total opossite of how my mind works. I always ask "why" and i am sick of saying "i don't know". It kills me when i sit on my couch, watching a movie and out of the blue sensing that f***ed wave of adrenaline and panick. Or waking up feeling the whole world on my shoulders.
The thing that i feel the most in any stressfull situation is that feeling of ending, of loss. It sounds crazy but that's what i feel. And i act accordingly. I panick and cry for the fear of loosing everything. It doesn't make any sense.

Anxiety is defined as an overreacted response of the "alarm system" which may be or may be not triggered by a stimuli. When i have a reason to be frightened i don't have a problem with it because i understand why i feel that way. But when i don't and still feel it, my head goes crazy.
I'm 10 months deep in this feeling and i'm still not used to it. And i don't want to. I just hope it goes away in time.
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Postby Nujerzykyd14 » Tue May 22, 2018 3:52 am

Have u tried Sauna to help you it's helped me alot did it before I quit and into when I quit and also I've started fasting which helps alot hope you keep it up
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Postby NoMoreWeed86 » Wed May 23, 2018 5:47 pm

Hey helenadoc and all others interested in reading,

I can relate to many things you have posted. I have always been a very emotional person, I am struggling with emotional detachment, and I have an over analytical mind that cannot handle the unknowns. I am a 31 year old female. I quit about 3 months ago and have been struggling with PAWS. I feel that PAWS has made me into an alternate downgrade of myself. I use to feel love intensely. Putting others before myself. But lately I can only put energy into things that bring me comfort. I feel very selfish. It feels as if my emotions have been disarranged. I feel I have always been an empathetic person. I do still care but it feels as if something is stopping from acting on my feelings. I do not feel pleasure like I use to. I know this is affecting my motivation. I feel like I am ruining my relationship with my girlfriend. This is what torments me the most. Although nothing feels quite right, I feel the emptiness the most when i think of what me and my girlfriends relationship was right up to the point I quit. Nothing really makes sense. I try to rationalize but its hard to do when i'm working with limited emotions. I've always been the type of person to lead by my heart. I knew when something was right because I felt it in my heart. My therapist has told me to try the "fake it 'til you make it" approach. This is difficult for me because it makes me feel disingenuous.

Other symptoms I am experiencing are increased anxiety and depression, insomnia, no sex drive. I do feel things are improving but very slowly. I guess my expectations just make me more and more desperate to feel "normal". I feel weed was starting to affect me negatively way before I quit but I was in denial. By the way, congrats on 10 months clean. Thank you for listening and for any advice you can give. I am also open to answering any questions you may have about my situation.
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Postby Foggy Noggin » Thu May 24, 2018 4:04 am

"....I do not feel pleasure like I use to. I know this is affecting my motivation...."

This is PAWS in a nutshell, and depression and anxiety ensue. I am at 3 months myself and have all the same symptoms. I never liked the "Fake it til you Make it" advice, as, I too thought it disingenuous. I have a hard time being fake for any reason. But in terms of retraining the brain to reward us when we engage in reward seeking behavior, it is critical. Perhaps it could be rebranded as 'practice makes improvement.'

It sounds like you took great joy in being there for people, including your girlfriend. Now that response in your brain is broken due to PAWS. You came to right place for support, and you joined on 4-20, so you get double points. Best of luck with your recovery, it will get better.
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Postby Markdaniel » Wed Jun 20, 2018 2:40 am

Need some help quit pot 4 months ago after 20 years going thru hell now after someone I can talk to on chat app or fb or whatever about this hardship
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