Feeling alone

Postby Larson247 » Sun May 13, 2018 11:48 pm

Everyone I am in horrible shape. I am 41-year-old male. In December, my fiancee left me. I had invested so much in this relationship and lost my closeness to my parents and siblings. I feel so lonely now. Plus I have my own business and work from home mostly. I could not be more lonely, and I don't know what to do. I think that I am going to take steps to do something drastic, although I don't know what.
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#1

Postby Larson247 » Mon May 14, 2018 12:09 am

Just to expand on this; I have no children, and my fiancee- she had a miscarriage. I was so ready to have a family, and now I feel I don't know how /why to begin again.
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#2

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon May 14, 2018 2:16 am

You are probably experiencing something similar to grief. The most obvious cause of grief is loss of a loved one, but divorce or what one considers to be a major setback or failure can trigger a similar response. Given you say you had so much invested, grief and the related emotions seems like a reasonable way to approach next steps.

Grief is a process that includes denial, anger, bargaining and eventually acceptance. There are different models of grief you may wish to explore, but the end result is that you move forward by learning to accept so as to fully disengage with the past goal and reengage with a new goal of equivalent value/purpose.

Research shows the sooner a person is able to disengage/reengage the sooner they recover (high vs. low resilience).

Do you still go through periods of anger? Are you in contact and hoping she might reconsider? Have you accepted the relationship is over?
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#3

Postby Larson247 » Mon May 14, 2018 3:32 am

Yes, I have accepted that it is over. I have finally gotten there. It has been tough but I got there.
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#4

Postby Candid » Mon May 14, 2018 6:53 am

The next thing to do is approach your family again. A new relationship shouldn't mean letting go of old ones.
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#5

Postby Larson247 » Mon May 14, 2018 6:55 am

Thank you. I am trying to reconnect with them. I just fear we have grown apart.
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#6

Postby Candid » Mon May 14, 2018 9:50 am

Doesn't matter. They've always been there and always will be. Just go back as if you never left, and promise yourself you won't do that again.

A partner who objects to your family is fine; a partner who demands that you leave your family... well, that's never going to work.
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#7

Postby DrPsychFeels » Wed May 16, 2018 9:22 pm

In addition to the above, just pick up your phone and start calling people in your contacts.

Don't mention your situation, simply ask how they're doing. After a few calls you're going to feel better and have a slightly different perspective.
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