One girl is angry at me for no reason

Postby Hamming » Tue May 15, 2018 5:45 pm

This girl is my friends wife, so if I want to be friends with my friend, I have to get along with his wife I think.

But what to do, she really sometimes makes me angry by being angry at me. Only way I see now is to suffer her anger and let her win and be a loser. At least smart loser - keeping good friend - which is a win.

I think she manipulates me this way, because she understands that I have get along well with her because I really want to be friends with my friend.

For example we were playing a board game. I attack her in the game, and she is angry - why I attack her, and not my friends.

Maybe she is stupid? It is a game and game rules allow attack anyone I want.

Should I not attack her? maybe this could be a strategy in better relationships, but it makes game boring when you are not doing what you want.

And if I do not attack her, when she wins, we all become like biggest losers, because she thinks she is so cool.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue May 15, 2018 6:09 pm

Attack her...

Don’t be a wuss, be a man and attack, attack, attack. You will gain her respect and she will think you are cool. Sure, she might be angry at first, but when you show strength and attack it proves you are cool.

No one thinks a wimp is cool.
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#2

Postby Hamming » Tue May 15, 2018 6:46 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Attack her...

Don’t be a wuss, be a man and attack, attack, attack. You will gain her respect and she will think you are cool. Sure, she might be angry at first, but when you show strength and attack it proves you are cool.

No one thinks a wimp is cool.


it feels like with her it does not work. It is not the first time she is complaining. I think she respects pussies like her husband. I do not want to insult my friend, but damn he sometimes does not stand up for himself against her. Those who agree with her even if it is not logical. Those who talk and do what she wants.

But I also heard that eventually those man are being cheated later, because those woman still want a man, who acts like a man, this turns them on.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue May 15, 2018 7:11 pm

Hamming wrote: it feels like with her it does not work.


It doesn’t matter. If you are playing a game with her you must win, win, win. It is the most important thing.
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#4

Postby Hamming » Wed May 16, 2018 4:07 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
Hamming wrote: it feels like with her it does not work.


It doesn’t matter. If you are playing a game with her you must win, win, win. It is the most important thing.


this makes sense but that sounds unexpected from you. Are you really think this way?
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed May 16, 2018 4:13 pm

Yes. She is an adult, you are an adult. You play a game, you play to win.
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#6

Postby Hamming » Wed May 16, 2018 4:34 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Yes. She is an adult, you are an adult. You play a game, you play to win.


that makes sense. But I somehow doubt that she will stop being angry if I continue :( even if she is adult, she acts like kid who think that by complaining and being angry, she will get what she want. And it works for her it looks like.
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#7

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed May 16, 2018 4:38 pm

Hamming wrote: But I somehow doubt that she will stop being angry


That is not your problem. That is her problem.
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#8

Postby Hamming » Sat May 19, 2018 5:38 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
Hamming wrote: But I somehow doubt that she will stop being angry


That is not your problem. That is her problem.


it is my problem. I think if she wants, she can say to my friend to stop being friends with me. She can say she is more important to him and he has to listen if he wants good relations. I might lose a friend.

Another problem is that I have to suffer by listening her anger and be able to fight back, I mean if I fight back, again they might drop me of friends circle.
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#9

Postby Candid » Sat May 19, 2018 8:24 am

Do you really want the kind of friends who will drop you because their girlfriends say so? Are you so desperate for friendship that you have to play the loser all the time, over and over?

Real friends applaud your successes and urge you on to better things.

If you have to pretend to be less than you are to keep a friend, that isn't a friend worth having.
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#10

Postby Hamming » Sun May 20, 2018 8:24 am

Do you really want the kind of friends who will drop you because their girlfriends say so? Are you so desperate for friendship that you have to play the loser all the time, over and over?a


I do not want but I am so desperate because he even if he annoys me sometimes and I cannot argue with him, he really helped me with my life a ton. I am not sure what I would be doing and where I would be if I had not met him.

I am even not sure why he is friend with me because I have not much to give him back for his help. There are loot of much more cool, succesful people who he would get something back too.

I give some advice or help here and there but my advices or help are not life changing to him at all. He could live without that easily.

And with people who are not like him, I am not desperate, If I do not agree about something and he does not want to argue, I do not care and not talk with them much. But with people like him, I am desperate.

Of course I need to improve myself to be able to find so succesful friend more easily, then I would not need to be so desperate.
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#11

Postby Candid » Sun May 20, 2018 8:41 am

My rule is that if I can't be Who I Am in a relationship, that isn't a relationship worth having. Just one friend who loves and approves of Who You Are is enough. If you haven't got one, you need to be that friend for yourself.
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#12

Postby Hamming » Sun Jun 03, 2018 6:00 am

Candid wrote:My rule is that if I can't be Who I Am in a relationship, that isn't a relationship worth having. Just one friend who loves and approves of Who You Are is enough. If you haven't got one, you need to be that friend for yourself.


that sounds bad, because I need to get better and this might lead to worsen social skills and have no friends all life. Don't you think that this is true?
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#13

Postby quietvoice » Sun Jun 03, 2018 10:47 am

Hamming wrote:
Candid wrote: If you haven't got one, you need to be that friend for yourself.

that sounds bad, because I need to get better and this might lead to worsen social skills and have no friends all life. Don't you think that this is true?

Having yourself as your only friend certainly does not preclude you being social, getting out talking to other people once in a while.
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#14

Postby Candid » Sun Jun 03, 2018 11:04 am

Hamming wrote: I need to get better and this might lead to worsen social skills and have no friends all life. Don't you think that this is true?


No. I think you're coming at it from the wrong end.

Why do you need to get better? Better at what? What exactly do you think is wrong with you?

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one there is. If you don't like who you are, you won't expect other people to like you either. You'll be pursuing people like the girl who is angry with you and ignoring the people who actually like you. After all, when you don't like who you are, you think people are right to be angry with you for no reason. People who like you must be wrong, stupid, or lying. Naturally you want to hang out with people who think as you do, and avoid wrong, stupid liars. Therefore, disapproving of yourself leads to pursuing people who also disapprove of you. It's a mug's game, Hamming -- and you'll let people get away with outrageous abuses while you keep trying and failing "to get better".

On the flipside, if you like who you are, you can enjoy your own company and stop caring a fig whether people like you or not. You won't have to pursue anybody, because you'll be happier, and happiness is attractive. They'll start coming to you. As time goes on, you'll like yourself enough to start approaching the kind of people who'll agree you're a Jolly Good Fellow.

Give me a list of 10 people you admire, and tell me what you like about them. Guaranteed you have those qualities yourself.
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