One girl is angry at me for no reason

#30

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Jan 12, 2020 7:14 pm

Hamming wrote:For me it looks like it matters if they are good or not. I even want to fight them and show them their place who are bad. Especially I want to criticize them for doing bad things.

Why do you think it does not matter form me?


Because you worship them Hamming. You worship the guy who treats people like an a$$hole because he is a "high achiever". It's bull$hit Hamming. You say it matters to you...maybe you truly in your heart think that it matters to you...but your actions betray you.

In other words, you are judged by your actions not your thoughts. Your thoughts might be that you value the good and want to fight the bad. BUT, your actual behaviors are to worship the a$$hole for flesh/money that they have.

And I'm not talking about this single example. For years you worship the man that is a "player" capable of picking up women and driving a nice car. You seek advice on this forum how to be more like the very jerks you claim to dislike. It's a lie Hamming. You are lying to yourself.

Hamming wrote:I am not sure if I worship the woman as much :) just some. About wealth - not sure why is it bad. And if you say I should avoid assholes, the wealth help it.


So you prove my point. You don't see what is wrong with your values, with your constant worship of flesh and money. That's all you post about.

You don't need money to avoid a$$holes Hamming. All you have to do is stop hanging around clubs, bars, and putting yourself in the circle of other worshippers of flesh and money. It's really that simple. Choose to hang out with other people that don't worship what you worship and your life will change. Who knows, you will probably find a nice woman that isn't a member of the cult of flesh and money.

In other words, you are creating your own outcomes by idolizing men that are the very thing you pretend that you do not like.

You know why a man in the flesh/money cult treats you like a lesser person Hamming? Because it makes this man appear more attractive to the women that see him treat you this way. It is also a warning to other men. Some women, those that also worship flesh and money, see you as the lesser man. Instead of physical dominance, he dominates you verbally.

It is the same as an ape in the wild thumping his chest and appearing aggressive. You are the ape that tries to thump your just but then sulks and walks away. But you don't have to be that ape Hamming! You know why? Because you are a human. Unlike apes, you have the choice to not play the stupid game of flesh/money.
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#31

Postby Hamming » Mon Jan 13, 2020 5:18 am

The worship of women and wealth is something you should reconsider.


I was retinking this, and now I think - I like talking with woman who are not assholes. Just dont like to be slave to them.

Because you worship them Hamming. You worship the guy who treats people like an a$$hole because he is a "high achiever". It's bull$hit Hamming. You say it matters to you...maybe you truly in your heart think that it matters to you...but your actions betray you.


So maybe I worship partly - because he is high achiever.


In other words, you are judged by your actions not your thoughts. Your thoughts might be that you value the good and want to fight the bad. BUT, your actual behaviors are to worship the a$$hole for flesh/money that they have.


Maybe because they live happy life, and are worshiped by others. Again I dont see anything bad in money, nice car. Just a**hole is bad and I in the idealy I would like to show them where their place is.

You don't need money to avoid a$$holes Hamming. All you have to do is stop hanging around clubs, bars, and putting yourself in the circle of other worshippers of flesh and money. It's really that simple. Choose to hang out with other people that don't worship what you worship and your life will change. Who knows, you will probably find a nice woman that isn't a member of the cult of flesh and money.


But I like the colors, music in the bars and clubs :( Its so nice. And sexy woman moving. I dont want to marry a bitch from the club who cares about enslaving me but I want to dance with her, touch her and be relaxed and have fun.

You know why a man in the flesh/money cult treats you like a lesser person Hamming? Because it makes this man appear more attractive to the women that see him treat you this way. It is also a warning to other men. Some women, those that also worship flesh and money, see you as the lesser man. Instead of physical dominance, he dominates you verbally.


That is bad. So ideally I want to show those assholes that they are piece of sh**.

Also I feel like not fully worth if I cannot go to where I want (clubs, bars for example). Its a place for everyone.

I remember once in the childhood my farthers friend came to us and it was friday and he was surprised why I am not going with friends to dance and stay at home. I was resting at home more because of my bad social skills.
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#32

Postby Hamming » Mon Jan 13, 2020 5:35 am

Btw about clubs and bars - I think not all people attending them are bad people. They can be normal people, just wanting to dance and see colors and relax.
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#33

Postby Candid » Mon Jan 13, 2020 7:48 am

Hamming wrote:Those statements are conflicting. I have to stay away if I can. And changing jobs I can.


They are not conflicting. You can stay away from people who insult you without changing jobs. In my present workplace there's someone I don't even want to get along with. You could say she insults me every time she speaks to me. There are plenty of other people there who I like very much. Those are the people I choose to talk to and laugh with.

I know some people who dont fight back as much versus people who insult them but they look weaker.


You care too much about how you look. You think you know what other people are thinking about you. You might be surprised to know other people aren't thinking about you at all. They're thinking about themselves.

he himself said once that he looks if oponent is weak and argues as he is right even if he is not right. After he stated this, I thought I am weak, and he is doing same with me, and I reduced amount of communication with him. It clearly looks like he will be exploiting my weakness.


So what? Someone says something to you and that "makes" you feel weak? See, I don't care whether I'm perceived as weak or strong. I know who I am. A bully won't ever know who I am. I don't need to "win" a conversation.

If I can listen to insults, I should be able to insult him back without consequences because he would not be taking personally.


If you want to be a jerk, be a jerk. It's up to you. Then again, I don't think you can change yourself to a successful man, a winner, while believing other people are strong and you're weak. As long as you think you're weak, bullies will see you as a target. As long as you're defended against insult, insult is what you'll get.

Like the song says
If you know who you are
You are your own superstar
And only you can shape
The movie that you make.


Hmm. Before your time.

Yes, I am uncomfortable. Only in close relationship I am confortable.


How are you going to create close relationships while you're perpetually on guard against insult, while you worry about how other people see you?

This is weird. Why is that?


Because we see what we focus on. If I'm walking around thinking I'm so weak, is that person about to insult me?, I'll be looking for how other people are looking at me, weighing up all the time whether that (whatever they said) was intended as insult, humour, or maybe even flattery. I'm stuck in my head with weakness and fear of insult. Fear weakens people.

I kind of do not want to agree with the insult, but I am not sure, maybe he is really right.


Why not just say: "Thank you for your feedback"?

If YOU like you other people will, too. If you're scared of appearing weak, you're scared and weak. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otu5ahknCa0

Its easy to say I have low self esteem, but I am trying many years to make it high, but looks like it does not work for me so far.


Because you're coming at it from the wrong end. Here's a statement that isn't helpful: "I have low self-esteem". You follow that up with many years' struggle "to make it high" and discover "it does not work for me". All of those statements emphasise what you don't want to be true.

No matter what kind of start you got in life, your self-esteem is in your hands. Everyone's is. You like yourself or you don't. You consider yourself about equal to everyone else, then a conversation is never about who's winning, who's weak and who's strong, it's just a conversation. No one else "makes" you feel weak. You decide that for yourself.

I will not tell name surname said this in the group. But maybe its not a problem if I tell without telling name surname of the person. I hear on the radio, whole country can hear how psychologist tells stories from their clients without telling their names and no problem.


Yes. If I were in a group talking about conflict management, I could say someone I work with only ever notices when I make a mistake. With the right encouragement, I might get carried away and say "Sara never gives credit for how much work I do, she only ever speaks to me when she's found an error." Ooops, I said her name.

There are millions of Saras in the world, probably hundreds in my town. Who cares?

I even want to fight them and show them their place who are bad. Especially I want to criticize them for doing bad things.


If that's what you truly want to do, carry on. Just don't expect to have close relationships with people you don't like or respect. Put out criticism, and others will criticise you, too. When you're looking for what's wrong with people and telling them to shape up, you're just a jerk.

When I started earning more - I am feeling that my life became better.


Good. But try not to pigeonhole everyone you meet as "assholes or nice people". Most of us are a mix of both. You'll get what you expect from people, and you'll get what you give out.
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#34

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jan 13, 2020 1:32 pm

Hamming wrote: But I like the colors, music in the bars and clubs :( Its so nice. And sexy woman moving. I dont want to marry a bitch from the club who cares about enslaving me but I want to dance with her, touch her and be relaxed and have fun.


So then STOP COMPLAINING year after year after year about the types of a$$holes that you meet in these places.

You are like the person that buys a house on the beach and then complains about the sea turtles. Not once, not twice, but constantly for years you bitch about the sea turtles. You worship the beach, you live on the beach!!! Well guess what Hamming, there are F’NG SEA TURTLES on the beach! So shut up and deal with it.

You are a product of the environment you continue to worship. If you love the colors/music in the bars/clubs so much, if that is how you define what is important in your life, then part of the package is dealing with a$$holes, both men and women. So stop whining about, stop complaining about it.

Look Hamming, you see these “high achievers” as individual a$$holes that you worship. But that is not the way to look at them. Look at them like sea turtles. They come with the club/bar as part of the natural environment.

Now I understand that you want to be a sea turtle, but that isn’t going to happen Hamming. Deal with it. Stop complaining on the forum about watching these other people live their lives and wishing and dreaming that you could be more like them. It is like wishing you could be a sea turtle. You can’t.

I think you have told us before Hamming, but I don’t remember. How old are you? How many years do you think you have left in the club/bar scene?
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#35

Postby Candid » Tue Jan 14, 2020 8:01 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:How old are you? How many years do you think you have left in the club/bar scene?


On Feb 02, 2011, Hamming wrote:I am 23, there are other already married at my age, and I hadn't have a real relationship with a girl.


Yeah, I'm surprised, too. Not that you haven't had a relationship with a "girl", but that I haven't been talking to someone about half your age.

There's a common theme to your posts. From the same one:

I cannot force myself, there are other fun things to do instead of searching a stupid girl


So the problem is, you don't like people. Girls are "stupid". Boys are mostly "assholes" trying to score points.

Human beings who don't like people have the worst possible problem.

As to how many years you have left in the club scene, I suspect you're going to be the 60+-year-old who's on the dance floor every night dressed in whatever's fashionable in 2050, flailing around by yourself.
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#36

Postby Candid » Tue Jan 14, 2020 9:12 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Your mindset is that of a young male teenager.


Exactly.
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#37

Postby WardenEternal » Sat Jan 25, 2020 10:16 am

I did a quick look over all the posts. To me, it seems like she wants to keep people around to fuel her ego and selfish needs. However, that's a very frank and hard assumption.

More realistically, she's probably not mentally developed enough (through self-assessment) to act more mature. I've come across someone similar. She, too, always wants to win games and rubs it in your face when she does. And when she loses, it's because something else was too blame and if you don't rematch her so she can win, then you're just a pussy because you don't want to risk losing.

Is your lack of life quality worth losing to her in games constantly? It definitely makes every game with her boring and frustrating. And you make it seem you're heavily reliant on this "friend" for something. Is it purely for a "friendship"? Or does he offer you money? Was it also confidence that he offered you back then that helped you till now? Are you affectionate of him?

However this friendship is going now, it sounds like he really isn't offering you this service anymore. Just slowly drift from him. It's okay. Maybe stop playing games with her and find something else worthwhile to do.

If she's going to tattle-tale on you because god forbid you don't feel like playing a game with her today, then she seriously has some issues. You're her puppet if you keep falling for the same trap. That means your life will never be yours if this is the constant choice you make.

Are you doing work for him? Is that why you're reliant on your friend? Seriously, there's always another path to get the same thing, maybe even better. Join some Discord servers and try finding friends there. Maybe find a forum of people in your local area online and chat there. You don't need to try too hard for a friendship. If conversation clicks with someone and it's fun, then you probably already made a friend.

Edit: I also wanted to add that there will always be someone better than you, likewise someone worse off than you, and they still can get what you seek. That means you can, too.
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#38

Postby CandyApples » Wed Feb 19, 2020 2:24 pm

I didnt read the replies, but..let me speak as someone who has delt with almost like you.....its not really" becoming" to act like your not stupid and she is....over a board game. Why are you "attacking" someone over a game, would be my question, so ya I can see her getting annoyed. My sis n law and her bf does the same thing, they got so mad and extremely condescending when myself and another player could not understand how to play "card monopoly". Ignorance and stupidity are separate things. Also just because you understand the rules ( prob bc you played the game several times before) doesnt mean others will. PPl learn differently or maybe your way of explaining stinks. Also when your playing a game...why is attacking involved? Friendly pokes, ok thats cool, but to attack as you put it? Also you mentioned single her out and not anyone else....you dont see a issue with singling someone out??

No one wants to play with someone who comes off as "better " than everyone else. Im sure there are topics where she could easily call you stupid in, but...you all are suppose to be getting along..sooooooo why do you need to have drama over a board game? Just play and smile??
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