How to care

Postby noknow » Sat May 19, 2018 8:30 am

I'm recognizing a pattern in my life, or so I think. I'm reflecting on comments that first came through my family. From my mother and my sisters. That is that I am a very selfish/greedy person, that I don't care about anyone. For example, I'm very greedy when it comes to money. I don't buy anything for anyone. I'd rather invest it and let it grow. I see it as sensible and practical, not greedy. I have always struggled to say I love you, to anyone. I don't know why, it just never felt right, even as a kid. Growing up, I hated myself and the world that I was in. I had a supportive family I was just the odd one out for some reason...

From a couple of ex-girlfriends, they complained that I don't show them care of any kind. They say that I should know what being caring is, well I guess I don't. I haven't a damn clue. My last girlfriend I'd give her gifts (flowers, her favorite bars, and crap...) and we'd spend time together. But she always told me that I'm a very uncaring person. This really hurt and confused me. She said she expects someone to be checking up on her. WTF, am I your fairy f***ing goddam mother? Grow the **** up. Of course I care about a person's well being and I want to make sure she is ok. But the fact that I have to check up on her all the god damn time is bs.

Anyways, I'm stuck in this zone trying to determine if I'm a caring person or not. If not, how do I become more of a caring person. Can I become a caring person? Also what is the difference between being greedy and caring about your happiness a lot? These concepts sound like one thing. And society decides on a whim that these separate things?!

Thanks for listening...
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat May 19, 2018 1:43 pm

noknow wrote:Anyways, I'm stuck in this zone trying to determine if I'm a caring person or not.


It is not a binary yes/no answer. There is no such thing as a "caring person". There are only individual acts perceived as care or neglect.

Every act serves the self, i.e. to some extent every act is selfish at some level. This includes your families comments, girlfriends complaints, and your responses. The same as it is self-serving for them to guilt you into believing you are lacking, it is self-serving for you to evaluate how you might act differently to achieve the outcome you desire.

While there is the argument of altruistic (selfless) acts, that does not apply here.
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#2

Postby valrickp7 » Thu Jul 05, 2018 11:45 pm

You need to show empathy and think in other people's POV. Do not think negatively of others, train your mindset to be positive.

Other thing is sleep well, eat healthy and rise back from the ashes
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