Forgiving Yourself

Postby WaterBottle1 » Mon May 21, 2018 7:56 pm

7 months ago I was having coffee with my friend and we were discussing something unrelated to what I'm going to talk about now. I asked for her opinion and she gave me it. At the end of her sentence she explained her thought process behind it and she told me to always ask why. Prior to this I have always felt sad. I always pushed it to the back of my mind and tried to forget about what I was feeling but it was always there. Something changed when she said that, I got a full rush of feelings and emotions. It sort of stunned me at the time. I've been getting that rush of feeling for seven months now, on and off. It's awful.

I won't get into detail about what it is because It's personal but I realised that small things really do add up over the years. I feel guilty, empty, sad and exhausted. My grades have dropped and I'm so tired. I read through this forum a few weeks ago and tried to find someone with a similar thing to me and found someone but there issue wasn't solved. How can someone forgive themselves and let go of something? I try to forget about it but it never goes away. It takes up so much of my time thinking about it, I feel stupid
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon May 21, 2018 9:54 pm

WaterBottle1 wrote: How can someone forgive themselves and let go of something? It takes up so much of my time thinking about it...

By getting engaged in other things.

To think about the past means you are not living in the present. If your apartment/house was on fire right now you literally would not be able to think about the past or the future. You would be forced to think about now, this very moment as your mind would be fully engaged with how to handle the fire.

In my experience when people don't engage with life in the present, they either ruminate about the past or dream about the future. After all, what alternative does the mind have?

Write down goals that require you use your mind in the present. And make sure that some of those goals involving helping others and participating in the community.
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Postby SerenityAndWellBeing » Tue May 22, 2018 12:14 pm

You are not stupid as this is a pattern in which many persons are trapped in.

Awareness about your life and the deep meanings that you were living in your family is the way to go over it. When you get aware about the deep psychological dynamics that are passed through generations then you can begin to understand that you did your best.

But now with this awareness you can learn to accept yourself and be willing to "break the chains" of pain and suffering that were passed by parents and sons.

Accepting yourself is necessary for change to take place. It does not mean giving up; it allows to avoid rumination and other energy consuming thoughts to keep that energy available for change and improvement.
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Postby DrPsychFeels » Tue May 22, 2018 2:26 pm

Maybe you enjoy chastising yourself ie not forgiving yourself.

We can get caught in self-criticism if for no other reason than it's a state we're used to. This could stem from a childhood in which you were criticized a lot, or it could be the result of anxiety you're experiencing now, and criticizing yourself is an outlet for this anxiety.

Once we learn to manage this anxiety and why we like the self-criticism, then the problem can take care of itself, making it more likely to live in the moment.
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