Homeless siblings

Postby patty8286 » Tue May 22, 2018 7:32 am

I have homeless siblings,
With mental illness,
My little brother age 53 has been homeless with mental illness for 6 years ,
Little bro has just returned home after living homeless in Texas in tent cities,
My concern is that he turns to me to help him with a place to lay his head,food etc.
His mental illness seems to be worsened,
Manic depressive is bad on him,
He has 2 young adult kids and wife that turned their backs on him for liegit reasons.
He became homeless due to massive drug use,
He thrives from family,
Including myself,
I've tried everything to help him,
Including signing commitment papers to have him committed to get him help ,get him back on his phsychotic meds ,get him straightened out,
But he ran away,stayed away till it lifted,the commitment only last a day or do.
I dearly love my bro.i understand now that mental illness does not respond to tough love.
I'm hopeing so hopeing someone out there knows how for me to handle this sit.
My bro has a good bit of his things parked by my couch which I'm sure that's where he is planning to be homeless at.
Reality has it ihe can't live here with me,he has options but refuses any help.
I myself can go no farther in helping him financially,I can be a good moral support should he decide to except help offered to him.its he doesn't seem to want any help from local mental health programs...........thank you for letting me share........I also have 2 other siblings that are homeless living from puller to post.
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#1

Postby SerenityAndWellBeing » Tue May 22, 2018 12:23 pm

This is a really melting story. I see that we often complain in our life for silly things compared to this. Anyway you did your best and that is what you had to do. You are genuine willing to help but you need of course to set limits to protect yourself. It is hard but accepting even this hard situations is the only possible way. I wish the best for you.
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#2

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue May 22, 2018 12:33 pm

patty8286 wrote: i understand now that mental illness does not respond to tough love.


It isn't about tough love. It also isn't about solving mental illness. It is about understanding your limits and establishing boundaries. It is about not becoming a a martyr, punishing yourself for something that is not under your control.

One hard limit is that your brother cannot live with you. That is what it sounds like from your post. Your brother living with you is a solid boundary.

Therefore, discuss options with your brother on where he might wish to go. Then, help him pack his things and then help him get there. This could mean physically driving him or taking him to a bus station and buying a ticket.

The bottom line...have that conversation, establish that hard, definite boundary.

Once your brother is out of your home, then establish any other hard boundaries. For instance, the next hard boundary is money. How much and under what conditions are you willing to offer your brother any financial help? What are the rules?

Given he has had drug problems, a hard rule I would have is to never give him cash.

Anyway...the message here is to reframe how you are thinking about the relationship. It isn't about tough love. It is about limits and boundaries. Having boundaries does not mean you don't love your brother.
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#3

Postby patty8286 » Tue May 22, 2018 1:15 pm

Thank you both for relying and your knowledge,
Most needed in times like these,
I agree setting bounderies and enforcing them is critical especially with self care,
His mental illness has worsened,he is all wrapped up in his illness,he hasn't had his meds in 5 weeks,,not good.
Guess my worst fear here is he will end up hurting himself if he doesn't get any help,
Which I know is out of my control,
Getting this off my shoulders here helps me .
Thank you again.
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#4

Postby SerenityAndWellBeing » Tue May 22, 2018 1:25 pm

you are welcome, when someone refuses any help we can not do anything about. It is sad but we just need to set limits and to accept. I repeat it also to myself as i went through similar even it not so severe situations..
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#5

Postby patty8286 » Tue May 22, 2018 2:37 pm

I'm the middle sibling of 7 siblings,
All of which are homeless addicts,one sibling committed suicide 2004 age 37,leaving 2 small kids behind and a wife,all due to hard street drugs to which the rest of my siblings are partaking to,it is scary ,I'm only one in recovery due to the effects of being raised with an alcoholic father.
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#6

Postby patty8286 » Tue May 22, 2018 2:42 pm

Father is 84 still going our mother passed age 77 2012 she was the codependent .never took any drugs or alcohol.
I never know when I'll get the dreadful phone call of something happening to another sibling,I hope never,
I do try my best to take care of me in every way,
I try to keep the focus on myself,
It takes lots of practice,it is doable and I am teachable,I'm grateful for that.theres a reason I'm sure I was spared from the rest,I have enabled ,today I'm more careful not to enable,,lots of prayers going out to sibs,
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#7

Postby DrPsychFeels » Tue May 22, 2018 3:31 pm

this is what 12 step meetings mean by serenity... the serenity to accept that which we cannot change

And we cannot change other people
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#8

Postby patty8286 » Tue May 22, 2018 3:59 pm

Thank you,I'm working 12 step program ,my 2nd time around,
Interesting,more I work it ,the more I learn,

Enjoy your day,,,,plans on making my day a fun rest of day loafing.
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#9

Postby sundaynightstress » Wed May 23, 2018 2:05 am

I work with homeless extensively in the criminal justice system. It is trying on the patience.

It sounds as though your brother has a dual diagnosis - mental health diagnosis combined with either alcohol or substance abuse. I live in the States, and programming is difficult, but he would need a program that addresses both.

Don't give up. Never never never give up. That does not mean that you have to allow your brother to take advantage of you, and ruin your life. Sometimes it helps just to listen.

At any rate, if there are any dual diagnosis programs, facilities, or counselors, that would be a step in the right direction. The motivation has to come from your brother though, and no one else. There will be times he wants to quit and go back to his ways. He has to find something from within to prevent that from happening.

Even the worst of clients have recovered and live full, healthy lives. I've had clients that were so mentally ill they were incompetent to stand trial for a brief period, and self-mediated while they were homeless, by abusing methamphetamine to calm the voices in their head. They still beat the odds, recovered, and are not employed, and closer than ever with their immediate family.
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