Online dating by my wife

Postby Marriedinbenton » Wed May 23, 2018 3:17 pm

So I have a 24 year old wife and I am 49. We have 2 kids together and 3 apart with another due in December. She has been setting up profiles on dating (cheating) sites for as long as we have been together. I find occasionally an email and ask only to have her call it spam and deny it was done by her. Even though I don’t reciprocate she has told me she feels love from these encounters. She says she has never met any of dozens of men she talks to yet when I caught her she promised to never do again and still does it. She blames her actions on me falsely accusing her of being unfaithful but if you had read hundreds of emails where she talked ab our relationship and told guys she needed to feel loved and agreed to meet up with them is it my fault or an addiction she has due to lack of self esteem
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed May 23, 2018 8:33 pm

So 6 kids total?

Given your thread about your 3 decades of marijuana use and her breaking your pipes, it sounds like your relationship with your wife is more one of codependency than mutual admiration, respect, and love.

In other words, she is only with you because no other man will take her as a partner. They might be willing to sleep with her, but that’s about it. They aren’t going to deal with her baggage on a permanent basis. That puts her in a tough spot as it relates to getting her emotional needs met.

This means it is related to her self esteem, but in some sense it is justified. She is stuck sharing a bed and a home with a man that uses marijuana as a crutch to combat anxiety and doesn’t provide her emotional support. So, she turns to dating sites to receive her emotional fix.

What else is she suppose to do? What are her alternatives?

I’m not saying what she is doing is healthy or appropriate, but what are her alternatives in life? Is she suppose to get you to change? Is she suppose to force you by threat of violence to seek therapy and give her what she wants emotionally? Or is she suppose to just be emotionally celibate, having sex with you as to produce a child but really just going through the motions?
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#2

Postby DrPsychFeels » Sun May 27, 2018 3:48 pm

First things first: get a paternity test.

Next, ask your wife if sincerely if she wants to improve the relationship. If she does, work on it with her. Read books, seek counseling.

It's both of you vs the problem.
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