5 Months Clean. PAWS are f***ing bastard!

Postby alexitaly » Thu May 24, 2018 2:09 pm

Hello everyone, I write from Italy and at the end of the month I'm clean for 5 months. Two months without alchol. My life has changed since I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend in a moment of great stress both at work and in my daily life. I spent most of my money on grass and hashish and I never realized how important the economic impact was. I liked it, but it had become a very strong habit that I have never been able to deal with. I had a panic attack in December under the influence of THC and I was about to call the neighborhood to call an ambulance, it was horrible.
From that moment I understood that I had to change something, in fact every time I tried again only two pitches began the attacks again. After a while I discover that my girlfriend has gone with another and I fall into utter despair. I did not know how to start again until I was hospitalized in April after drinking a lot and starting stomach problems.
Frequent eructations due to chronic gastritis and strong anxiety. I try to go out to the bar and drink coffee with ginseng, but as soon as I find myself in an unsafe situation they start dizzy, I do not seem to fall but my head makes bad jokes, I have a very strong irrational fear that leads me to live as if I was running away from something. Depersonalization on the agenda and I can not have a smooth communication with people, I'm stuck and the brain attempt to escape begins. Fortunately for me I discovered this forum that gave me hope because I had not previously connected the symptoms of all this to my abuse of cannabis, I smoked about 5 or 6 rods a day.
I created a space within which I was unassailable, I had found my armor against the world.
My girlfriend and the grass were my armor, and having lost my armor made me feel completely vulnerable and unable to have and therefore I live my life in constant defense.
Over time I have to admit that anxiety has improved, since the end of the first month a few weeks ago I lived really bad, at this time I feel a bit of the waves but sometimes some days I happen to be a little better. It's like my brain is looking for a model to work with, but the effects of this are really strong.
I have recently started taking omega 3 supplements, I can hardly go out to do some sport because the symptoms are still too strong. Social anxiety, and fear of moving away from my security centers. I have read a lot of stories and I hope I can tell a positive ending, I'm sure the road is the right one and that beyond all this you can find a different taste for life.
I sincerely thank all the people who have posted their positive story, because sharing all this is the greatest help I have found in all of this. Reading stories that allow hope, reading the store of people who would not even have imagined the beauty of what was beyond all these symptoms allows you to get strength and to hold enough time for a total cleaning. I want to build my family and enjoy life fully, I accepted who I was, I looked at myself and I realized that I did not like it anymore, and here I am.
I would like to share with you the developments of all this hoping to find comfort and hope.
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Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Thu May 24, 2018 9:01 pm

Sounds like you're doing well, keep going it does get better. I'm on day 54 and I feel so much better than I did 2 weeks ago even. Try to go out for walks maybe early morning when it's not to busy. Good luck and keep posting here, it really helps xx
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Postby nomorepot » Tue May 29, 2018 7:06 pm

Hey alexitaly! Welcome to the forum. I also experienced the same thing with my ex wife. You can read my origin post here. I know it hurts. Quittting weed was a great decision so way to go! How old are you by the way? Anyway my advice to you - do not try to substitude your ex with someone else yet. It requires time. You are not ready yet. And time heals. I am sorry to say but the thing is that loyalty is non a strong suit of any girl whatsoever. You will have to accept things as they really are and it is not easy. As soon as you begin feel better and I hope it will be soon, try to concentrete on your hobby (for me it was the guitar). You stopped drinking alcohol and I beleive it was really good idea. Alcohol is a depressant, in your case it is even worse than weed.
Hang in there bro, everything will be perfect!
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Postby alexitaly » Thu May 31, 2018 1:28 pm

Hello nomorepot, thanks for your reply. From the last post things are going better. Surely I do not expect stability but we say that the worst wave seems to have gone. There remains the difficulty of falling asleep, a bit 'of moments of acute paranoia and various difficulties when I go out a bit' from the comfort zone but compared to two months ago I feel much better.
I started taking MInd Care Balance which are tablets for the integration of minerals and omega three, I balanced my meals and made them regular, but above all I started to sweat doing sports. Sport and sweating are extremely important because they guarantee an additional way to throw out toxins that are then those that create all the various imbalances and allow to produce serotonin. As for my relationship, it was chaos, but I started to see the light, I got alcohol and marijuana from the balls and it allowed me to regain some rationality and to improve my relationship with inner stress and conflict. not that of accepting what happened and not feeling so vulnerable. I'm not going out with any girl and honestly I would not even want to do it, I'm trying to rebalance my life and make sure that things come attracted by my positivity and my feeling of squaring, not an easy task, but I strongly believe that things work when we feel at peace with ourselves and that conflicting relationships are the mirror of inner conflicts. I studied psychology do you see? But there are moments when depression and the negative and black vision of things make us feel overwhelmed by events, we just have to be patient to wait for the mind to give meaning to what happened, and for this reason you have full reason when you say it takes time.
Thank you for your reply and I also thank anxiousmary for the answer before yours. This forum is really important because when the discomfort related to PAWS arrives, read the experiences of people who have managed to improve their lives and to say enough gives me courage. And what better ingredient when you are full of fear.
Thank you all, I hope to continue like this and I am ready to put up with anything that comes before me if this is the transition to a better state that allows me to live my existence fully conscious.
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