I'm ashamed to have no confidence

Postby Tweedy212 » Wed May 30, 2018 9:00 pm

My friends and family see me as this strong person who has no issues sticking up for themselves. But this is partly true. Outside the workplace I can, but for some reason in it I revert into my shell and people think they can work over me.

My first job I was essentially bullied because I didn't feel good enough, I took on far too much of a workload and everyone just dumped on me. My second job I worked with really nice people so didn't really have to stick up for myself. My current and most recent job I've gone back again. I've only been there 2 months and the work is quite intense. One day I was given a slightly larger workload for a newbie, I felt comfortable taking it on but colleague and mentor shouted not to give me said workload because I wasn't ready for it..in front of everyone. I was humiliated and wanted to say something but for some reason couldn't bring myself to. My confidence just really takes a shake when it comes to the workplace and I hate that everyone thinks I'm the quiet pushover when outside of work I'm the opposite.

I'm so ashamed that I can't give myself the same self respect inside work that I do outside. It's as if I'm 2 different people and I don't know which one is the real me. I feel like a fraud and if my friends/family saw me in the workplace they wouldnt believe it was me.
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#1

Postby Mustafa » Thu May 31, 2018 8:21 pm

Maybe your work superior was competent to KNOW you are not qualified for taking much work, although they need to give you your fair share. In work there is no shame in taking commands, like in battle, he is your superior for a reason and you need to obey. Maybe he was being kind to you and taking you under his wing? It is not possible for a solider to analyze everything in the heat of the battle, and he needs to take commands, do his job and perfect it and not interfere with others jobs unless you are cooperating. You percieve shame where there is not.

When you are silent, you command respect. Just do your job and you'll be fine. Sometimes talking serves you worse than silence. Silence is golden, if talking is silver.
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#2

Postby silence81 » Thu Jun 07, 2018 1:53 pm

"I took on far too much of a workload and everyone just dumped on me"

Do you have any explanation as to why you took on far too much of a workload? What was the purpose of that for you?


"but colleague and mentor shouted not to give me said workload because I wasn't ready for it..in front of everyone. I was humiliated..."

Why were you humiliated by what your colleague said and what other people thought? What were some of the thoughts and emotions going on for you when that happened?

"everyone thinks I'm the quiet pushover"

It sounds like it's important what other people think about you.

What's the advantage of being "the quiet pushover"? There must be some reasons/purpose of being like that in that context.

"I don't know which one is the real me."

They're both you: one is you being authentic and the other inauthentic.

What I mean by "authentic" there is being your genuine self, in which you feel good about yourself, have a higher sense of self-worth, and are more competent and confident about yourself and what you do.
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