Quitting Cannabis - The time has come

Postby Mooster » Mon Jun 11, 2018 8:32 pm

Hi guys

I have been reading over the forum over the past few days and really feel the support offered here is a great help to anyone suffering from a variety of things.

Personally I am 23 years old and have been smoking Cannabis since I was 14 years old. My "everyday" addiction started around 5 years ago (smoking numerous joints daily). I now require Cannabis to stay happy / not be stressed and keep away strong headaches that come on when I starve my body of cannabis. I did have a detox for 1 week in November 2017 but unfortunately I slipped back into the habit and it has taken me until now (today) to restart the journey I have been craving. At the time of writing I haven't smoked in around 22 hours and as you will all know from your experience, I am craving Cannabis. I am also finding myself smoking more cigarettes - which isn't really what I want but I guess it helps me not touch the Cannabis.

Bit more background on why I want to stop Cannabis.
- I cannot remember feelings / emotion in my life prior to being stoned every day
- I do not talk with barely any of my family - issues during my childhood created this situation but since Cannabis when they have reached out, I haven't been interested (when deep down I am).
- I struggle to do anything when I am stoned (e.g. I will not go to the shop to get food etc, I'd rather eat nothing than go out in public).
- As soon as I finish work, I crave Cannabis and as soon as I walk through the door at home, I roll up.
- I will not answer the phone / door when stoned.
- I have no hobbies anymore (I used to love football and go to the gym daily). Now I haven't been active in at least 3 years. I just sit watching tele and browsing the web.
- I struggle to make new friends / speak to new people.
- I feel I haven't moved on from a past heartbreak over 2.5 years ago.

Work is the main problem I am having recently (over the past 4 weeks), this is the main reason I have stopped. I work in high pressure sales and recruitment for the temporary market - which is stressful in itself. Recently I have found myself extremely worried about work - nothing has significantly changed at work... apart from my own lack of commitment and dedication. In the past 4 weeks, I have had at least 1 day off work per week with strong stomach pains / lots of sweating and a struggle to be near people. Today for example I called in sick after sitting and contemplating doing so about 4 times in the space of 30 mins, this is unusual for me - I really feel this is a strong case of anxiety. It has been giving me suicidal thoughts (e.g. "Why is my life like this", "Why do I get these feelings, I can't live like this", "What is the point in life if you have to suffer through everything with these pains and thoughts").

Cannabis has been my constant in life for the past 5 years, sticking with me through emotional hardship. My ex girlfriend left me almost 2.5 years ago, which was a terrible break up with me finding lots of horrible things out. I am worried about the repercussions of stopping with things like this. I still think of my ex (I believe Cannabis has caused this), and know those thoughts are probably going to surface again even more intensely as the days of being sober rack up. I really do not want to think of her anymore... GO AWAY!!

The final HUGE concern I have with this journey, is from reading some of the comments / posts others have left on this forum... Anxiety. I have a trip booked to China in August to visit my friend. This is a 11 hour flight with much waiting in public places etc. Along with the fact that China has a very high population density. I am really scared that if I stop smoking Cannabis now, I am going to end up having anxiety attacks on an aeroplane with no escape. At present I just struggle going into a shop when sober...

Has anyone got any advice for me?

Thank you for reading
Mooster
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#1

Postby alexitaly » Tue Jun 12, 2018 9:21 am

Hi| Mooster.

I smoked marijuana for twelve years. My girlfriend left me, took me back and left me again between September and December of last year. I had several panic attacks and extremely critical situations.
I realized that without that minimum of control I would have lost quality in my life of which I have been content so far.
Now I'm five and a half months without anything, if you read the various stories that are on this forum you can help you in the darkest periods, as long as you have because it is very personal what happens after you stop.
If this is the case you must face this conscious path that will clash with the different ghosts that have led you to no longer be well, or understand that marijuana is just a way to forget and throw everything under the carpet. Now the carpet has taken on a clearly wavy shape and the dirt underneath has to be removed. You have to have the mental strength to face those ghosts with courage, and to look at them in the face without pushing them out, facing them a bit like the ghostbusters did. I repeat you are five and a half months, and anchors I have waves that go a bit without regular cadence but I live with this part of me that I was the one to forget and that he wants his place and his position, he wants his decision power back and he wanted to be an integral part of my daily life. The recovery path can be intense and difficult, but I believe that at the end of all this the price paid will certainly be correct in relation to the gain we will have and the tools we will be able to use.
Anxiety, Mental Fog, difficulty in concentration, mental disorganization over time will come down, then they will come back, and then they will always go away for longer. The challenge is not to drive away fears, but to accept them and nourish them with our courage. Because that's how we can reverse the relationship that sees them take possession of our lives.
Good luck for your trip, and you'll see, you'll come out richer ... even in your wallet.
alexitaly
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