Feel like I'm losing control of my life

Postby Delco12345 » Mon Jun 18, 2018 2:21 pm

Regrettably, I was recently involved in an affair with a woman I know through work. My wife found out and I confessed everything. My wife is incredibly loving and forgiving, and I have spent every day since then working on rebuilding our marriage. However, I recently became aware that this affair has affected my job, and I could very likely be fired. I am absolutely terrified at the prospect of losing my job and not being able to support my wife and family. Over the past few weeks, I have spiraled to the point of not wanting to get out of bed, losing the enjoyment in things I used to love, barely interacting with my wife and beautiful children, and frankly, feeling as if I have no control over the direction of my life. Every possible outcome I think of is horrible, and I struggle daily to live with myself and the awful, selfish decisions I made. I am not looking for sympathy, and I will freely admit that I, and I alone, am to blame for this position I'm in. I'm just wondering if anyone out there has ever been in a similar position, and if they have any words to share with me. I'm really struggling.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jun 18, 2018 4:36 pm

Delco12345 wrote: I'm just wondering if anyone out there has ever been in a similar position, and if they have any words to share with me. I'm really struggling.

At some point in life, almost every adult has made bad decisions and has experienced the pain of immense regret. What makes the difference is how we learn to handle this pain.

The secret formula for learning to deal with regret has been passed along in ancient texts for thousands of years. In many cases it has become institutionalized in one form or another. While there are differences between texts, they share a similar structure:

-1- Confess (acknowledge your mistake)
-2- Ask for forgiveness
-3- Accept the consequences
-4- Conduct some form of prescribed restitution (this is also about learning, gaining knowledge as to not repeat the same mistake)
-5- Forgive yourself and move on with life.

It is a phased process that understandably is not easy. It is a difficult road that results in many people staying in bed.

It sounds to me like you are somewhere around step 2 or 3. You might lose your job, so you are not able to yet accept the consequences. But, to minimize the consequences the best approach is to be open and honest with your employer, step 1 and 2.
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Postby Livetowin » Thu Jun 21, 2018 2:29 pm

If you believe your chances of being terminated are high, you need to switch to survival mode and get to work on getting your resume together and looking for another job to support you and your family. The blessing in all this is you are not terminated yet so there is a little bit of time. The curse is you've wasted part of it sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.

Taking care of your family is not achieved by laying in bed and waiting for someone to save you. If you claim to be the man you are, and believe in supporting your family, then you've got a job to do. Yesterday is gone. Today is what you have. Right now is where it starts. You want to get inspired? Look at your family and get inspired. Self empowerment is where your future is determined. Don't sit around and worry about what you can't change. You need to get laser focused and demonstrate to yourself and your family, you are a problem solver and not just a problem creator. That is part of the process of caring and supporting your family. Answer the call and get to work finding an alternative position with another company.

We're all human. Everyone makes mistakes. It's how you pick yourself up that defines you. You need to get up. I wish you all the best.
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Postby NatalieLegault » Thu Jun 28, 2018 11:12 am

You should consult some counselor about it. Maybe a counselor can help.
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Postby DrPsychFeels » Sun Jul 08, 2018 4:18 pm

About 40 percent of the stories in the Western canon are redemption stories. Rocky III is my favorite. It's because that's what we humans do; we mess things up and get back on track through resonating with similar situations..

The idea is we delve into why we messed up, fix that underlying cause, then our life becomes better for having messed up because without the pain, we never would have done the work we needed to do to truly improve ourselves.
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Postby Yencia » Thu Jul 12, 2018 2:21 pm

I am so sorry you are having a bad time and sorry for your loss it must be hard with the anniversary coming up sending you hugs
I also have a problem of wit my life...
Not been on for a few months been busy with work and finally started meds after years of avoiding it. I also started counselling last few months now due to higher anxiety and depressed symptoms.

Was just managing to get by last few months but has really gotten on top of me to the point I have taken last week off. I enjoy my job but been struggling mentally before and I can't seem to get back on top of it and it's affecting my work as well as personal life.

I went back to gp and he told me to take some time off and wrote me a sick note but I hate taking time off and my work is small and the guys really rely on me and I feel I'm letting them down. I know I should out my health first but I just feel stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment. I've told my counsellor I'm struggling and find it hard to open up to family I don't want them worrying.

This week has been he'll been so demotivated and emotional struggling to get out of bed and been drinking quite heavy as well. I found my Dad last year passed away suddenly in his home on October 6th after I few days where I hadn't heard from him. I kept saying to myself to go round and check on him as it wasn't normal not to hear from him. When I found him massive guilt hit me for not checking on him especially when I had a weird feeling over the weekend before he passed.

Think with it coming up as well next week his first anniversary is killing me with emotion and guilt on top of struggling with daily life I would open up to him when I was down as he could see how I changed when I started to get anxious and depressed. It's hard not having him here to talk to.

I have managed not to give in to going round for more alcohol tonight but feeling really low and emotional I can't cope with the depression and anxiety along with daily life routines.

The last thing I want to do is lose my job over this but I can't balance things out at the moment. Without sounding dramatic everything is just too overwhelming just now I think my work are wanting/expecting me back this week but Im not sure I can get my head in the game. I know only I can change everything but I don't know if I have much left in the tank.

I feel like i slowly dying....please God save me.
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Postby Ash.craven1066 » Sat Jul 14, 2018 11:55 am

Im sorry to hear this but the truth is there are more and more people feeling like this. Ive been there and thankfully im coming through the other side. Its a journey however another truth is that its through the bad times that we learn, grow and become stronger. You need to accept and remember - you are not a machine!

I can relate. I love my job. I love the way it made me feel. Succeeding financially, succeeding and surpassing my own expectations professionally however what i didnt realise was that each day, a part of me was falling away as I was changing and trying to be the person that I wasnt. I was changing myself, as well as trying to cope with more and more pressure. I was ignoring my feelings and suppressing the feelings of guilt as i gave more and more time to my team and less and less time to those who i knew who always be there....family. After all, I was providing for my family and they should be grateful right? But i was ignoring the one thing that was important and that was time for them AS WELL AS TIME FOR MYSELF. There is nothing left to give if you have nothing in the tank to give.
Over the years I read many books trying to find out what the issue was and it led me down a more spiritual path. Yours may be different however i do know that this feeling is a blessing to redirect you onto a different path. Feeling is a communication tool as to whether you are on the correct path and by the sounds of it you are not as your motivation is on the floor and the guilt of leaving your team members is at a level you cant ignore but you need time for you now to figure out what all this means to you. You are most likely struggling to open up as you are pressed and don't know yourself and are not comfortable talking about your feelings as you may not even recognise what they are or whats causing them. Depressed. You are used to pushing these feelings down and ignoring them. Over time (possibly years) the feelings of depression build and build so they are now not a tapping on your shoulder but a huge weight stopping you from going to work. THIS IS A SIGN THAT SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE and quite possibly you now need to find yourself again. The good news is that this has happened and you can start your journey.
From reading your post you are feeling guilty about your Dad. You are not to blame here. As awful as this is you do need time to come to terms with this and Im sure that Your Dad would think its absurd to feel guilt about this.
There is a lot of material out there that I can highly recommend should you need it.
Keep your chin up and keep fighting!
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