Quitting weed after 5 yrs - on day 3

Postby Anxious Bella » Mon Jun 18, 2018 7:49 pm

I'm a 23 year old female and I have been smoking weed almost everyday for 5 years. Started right after I finished high school and I both my parents smoked weed so I naturally grew up with weed being a normal thing in my household. This is the 2nd attempt I have made to quit this past year my 1st attempt only lasted 20 days. I honestly need to quit to save my life. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since I was very young and used marijuana as a coping mechanism thinking it could help me numb the pain and diminish my anxiety. I first started experiencing some of the worst panic attacks of my life when I started high school. I have no idea why I have these as I have had a great childhood and incredibly supportive family even despite my parents indiscretions. Sometimes I would wake up at night and just feel a pounding tightness on my chest and would feel like I couldn't breath. This is the main reason I never went to school camps growing up or sleepovers. As my panic attacks can be quite embarrassing and it takes a lot of time to calm me down. When I was around 16 I smoked weed with a bunch of my friends and pretty was hooked to it. After this for a period of 2 years I intermittendly smoked weed like not everyday just every 2nd weekend or something. I noticed that weed was the thing that calmed me down and relaxed me. I also noticed I was having less panic attacks than when I was younger. When I finished high school I pretty much was smoking everyday and my panic attacks were pretty much gone. I attributed this to the weed. I was wrong. Things started to go bad after I turned 20. Even looking back everyday marijuana abuse changed me a lot heck I'm still changed from it. Before I started smoking I was already an incredibly nervous and shy person so I started seeing myself become even more of this anxious socially weird recluse. And I kept staying in the dark about it thinking weed was helping my anxiety and stopping me from having panic attacks. I don't know why I stopped having panic attacks but I don't think weed did it. Now I really wanna quit because this last year has been the worst year of my life. My dad got arrested for marijuana possession and driving under the influence and lost his license and job and it made me incredibly depressed and feeling like that would be my life. My mum who has smoked probably 25yrs+ has been having some health problems as of late and everyday I become more and more concerned that she has lung cancer (she's mixes tobacco with her weed). The biggest reason I want to quit is because I have been having suicidal/depressive thoughts the last few months which is never like me as I love life and really just wanna be a happy person. I've had 2 males in my family who have committed suicide and I really don't wanna go down that path. But yeah I just wanna be honest and admit to myself that this marijuana dependency has made me feel worse about myself, I have no motivation, no boyfriend, barely any friends left and no fulfillment in my current job as a shitty cashier at Woolworths. I have never in my life felt suicidal but I think weed has been slowly ruining my life and I really want to be a good person and make good and healthy choices for myself instead of staying in this hole that I have dug myself into. I'm in the withdrawal process of feeling depressed and lots of insomnia but I think I am strong enough to do this for real! I have never felt so strongly about quitting till now. Reading all the others posts about quitting weed and writing this done and getting it off my chest makes me feel more relived and ready to keep pushing :)
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#1

Postby Bagobones » Mon Jun 18, 2018 9:30 pm

Anxious Bella wrote:I'm a 23 year old female and I have been smoking weed almost everyday for 5 years. Started right after I finished high school and I both my parents smoked weed so I naturally grew up with weed being a normal thing in my household. This is the 2nd attempt I have made to quit this past year my 1st attempt only lasted 20 days. I honestly need to quit to save my life. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since I was very young and used marijuana as a coping mechanism thinking it could help me numb the pain and diminish my anxiety. I first started experiencing some of the worst panic attacks of my life when I started high school. I have no idea why I have these as I have had a great childhood and incredibly supportive family even despite my parents indiscretions. Sometimes I would wake up at night and just feel a pounding tightness on my chest and would feel like I couldn't breath. This is the main reason I never went to school camps growing up or sleepovers. As my panic attacks can be quite embarrassing and it takes a lot of time to calm me down. When I was around 16 I smoked weed with a bunch of my friends and pretty was hooked to it. After this for a period of 2 years I intermittendly smoked weed like not everyday just every 2nd weekend or something. I noticed that weed was the thing that calmed me down and relaxed me. I also noticed I was having less panic attacks than when I was younger. When I finished high school I pretty much was smoking everyday and my panic attacks were pretty much gone. I attributed this to the weed. I was wrong. Things started to go bad after I turned 20. Even looking back everyday marijuana abuse changed me a lot heck I'm still changed from it. Before I started smoking I was already an incredibly nervous and shy person so I started seeing myself become even more of this anxious socially weird recluse. And I kept staying in the dark about it thinking weed was helping my anxiety and stopping me from having panic attacks. I don't know why I stopped having panic attacks but I don't think weed did it. Now I really wanna quit because this last year has been the worst year of my life. My dad got arrested for marijuana possession and driving under the influence and lost his license and job and it made me incredibly depressed and feeling like that would be my life. My mum who has smoked probably 25yrs+ has been having some health problems as of late and everyday I become more and more concerned that she has lung cancer (she's mixes tobacco with her weed). The biggest reason I want to quit is because I have been having suicidal/depressive thoughts the last few months which is never like me as I love life and really just wanna be a happy person. I've had 2 males in my family who have committed suicide and I really don't wanna go down that path. But yeah I just wanna be honest and admit to myself that this marijuana dependency has made me feel worse about myself, I have no motivation, no boyfriend, barely any friends left and no fulfillment in my current job as a shitty cashier at Woolworths. I have never in my life felt suicidal but I think weed has been slowly ruining my life and I really want to be a good person and make good and healthy choices for myself instead of staying in this hole that I have dug myself into. I'm in the withdrawal process of feeling depressed and lots of insomnia but I think I am strong enough to do this for real! I have never felt so strongly about quitting till now. Reading all the others posts about quitting weed and writing this done and getting it off my chest makes me feel more relived and ready to keep pushing :)


Hello! I know you are strong enough to do this for real. With your background maybe you should get health care involved in your problems too? I mean fantasizing and a family history of suicide. Bella, your so young, and the world is magical if you let it be, and get some help with your depression.
You did not "only" quit for 20 days. you did a fantastic job of staying away from smoking for 20 days, because your strong and awesome... Welcome to the madhouse here! :)
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#2

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:01 pm

Hi.. you can do this like bago ones said you did 20 days before now you can do more. You are young and have everything to live for even if you don’t feel that right now. When your sober and feeling stronger you can change your job, make a new circle of friends and I’m sure a boyfriend too. I smoked for 25 years my husband for 28 he’s been sober since last August with no issues at all I’ve been sober for just over 11 weeks and it’s been REALLY tough but I’m feeling better every day. Keep pushing girl, you’re the only one that can make yourself stop but we are all here to support you every step of the way xx
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#3

Postby reckoning » Tue Jun 19, 2018 1:26 am

Welcome anxious bella, congratulations on getting your story down and sharing it with us. You have really strengthened your chances of achieving a weed free life already by that act alone. Keep going. Yep you have youth on your side and I want to acknowledge that you have a strong family history too which you are listening too , keep listening to everything you know about anxiety and depression. Take the actions u need around this . Good that you know on a head level that weed is no good . Now to get your body acquainted with how that feels. I found it tough because I’ve had to unravel a lot of internal thinking formations as well as come to terms with all the withdrawals. I agree with the others u have youth on your side. I used to think weed was on my side too but this quit especially (I am almost 6 months in) has been amazing and life changing. It just takes time for the life changes. Keep going and keep posting . Posting on here will really help. Love to hear more from you .
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#4

Postby Anxious Bella » Tue Jun 19, 2018 2:48 pm

Thank you for all the kind posts back! Words of support from complete strangers like yourselves make me feel less alone and even more determined to do this for myself. Yes I am going to seek professional help for my depression because although I am feeling a lot mentally better quitting weed and have been feeling like I'm getting my clarity back or at least a small amount of it, I realise that I need to deal with this head on. I have tried anti depressants before and I had really bad experience and it probably wasn't good that I was smoking at the time too. Anti depressants made me feel lethargic and zombie like and at this stage I think therapy and learning HEALTHY coping mechanism strategies is my way to go. I really really wanna sustain this quitting and I think I am in the right attitude to do this for a extended period. They really mean when they say you have to WANT to quit! I am looking forward to posting in this forum and have already read so many posts by experienced quitters. I want to learn from everyone here.
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#5

Postby Bagobones » Tue Jun 19, 2018 11:11 pm

reckoning wrote:Welcome anxious bella, congratulations on getting your story down and sharing it with us. You have really strengthened your chances of achieving a weed free life already by that act alone. Keep going. Yep you have youth on your side and I want to acknowledge that you have a strong family history too which you are listening too , keep listening to everything you know about anxiety and depression. Take the actions u need around this . Good that you know on a head level that weed is no good . Now to get your body acquainted with how that feels. I found it tough because I’ve had to unravel a lot of internal thinking formations as well as come to terms with all the withdrawals. I agree with the others u have youth on your side. I used to think weed was on my side too but this quit especially (I am almost 6 months in) has been amazing and life changing. It just takes time for the life changes. Keep going and keep posting . Posting on here will really help. Love to hear more from you .


Congratulation on 6 months liz! :) Did you get yourself a gift? You deserve one! I did that. Spoilet myself after 3 months, 6 months and so on... I recommend it.

Seems like your on a positive journey of discovery..
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#6

Postby Bagobones » Tue Jun 19, 2018 11:32 pm

Anxious Bella wrote:Thank you for all the kind posts back! Words of support from complete strangers like yourselves make me feel less alone and even more determined to do this for myself. Yes I am going to seek professional help for my depression because although I am feeling a lot mentally better quitting weed and have been feeling like I'm getting my clarity back or at least a small amount of it, I realise that I need to deal with this head on. I have tried anti depressants before and I had really bad experience and it probably wasn't good that I was smoking at the time too. Anti depressants made me feel lethargic and zombie like and at this stage I think therapy and learning HEALTHY coping mechanism strategies is my way to go. I really really wanna sustain this quitting and I think I am in the right attitude to do this for a extended period. They really mean when they say you have to WANT to quit! I am looking forward to posting in this forum and have already read so many posts by experienced quitters. I want to learn from everyone here.


You got some good insight on yourself. Mature 23 year young lady.. hehehe.

One tip I have for you is that you need to fill the void left behind when you quit weed with new good habbits, and those does not come sailing on a boat one day. You got to go seek them out. Work for them. Its positive that you are seeking out therapy. Try asking the therapist about CBT. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Its all about changing your thought patterns. And its made as an alternative to medication. But you dont have to wait for the therapist. You can try out some of the many apps out there for your phone or PC. But DO GO to the therapist too.. :)

Are you into training? Now is the time to start, or make sure to continue and grow it if you do. Yoga is GREAT. I preach it here. But anything goes as long as you get sweaty and raised heartbeat out of it, a few times a week.

There some friendly tips from north of the artic circle.. And you know, you could become a good rolemodel for getting your parents some healthy habbits as well.. I have a daughter your age, I became a dad early. I am willing to go far for her. VERY far for her. And she is so very inspiering for me.

CBT: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive ... al_therapy
CBT apps: https://adaa.org/finding-help/mobile-apps
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#7

Postby Anxious Bella » Wed Jun 20, 2018 3:25 am

I know this void you talk about and for the first 2 days of quitting I shamefully admit I drank alcohol to fill this void or at least help with the insomnia of coming off weed. I'm not a big drinker so I thought it was harmless. But on day 3 I decided to just do it naturally and I honestly woke up the next day feeling a lot better. You can't replace one bad thing with another bad thing. So yes I am trying to find good habits to replace that void. Last night I listened to my favourite songs and read crime stories online. I'm an avid crime reader and honestly read so much that I dosed off to sleep. I haven't looked into finding a therapist yet as this week has been busy. Honestly procrastinating the idea of it but its something I know I really need so after this week I will start looking. I wish headspace was still around. I have never heard of CBT but its sounds really interesting! I have done yoga before and really liked it! Also I really wanna learn how to meditate as I feel it would balance my anxiety out and so many people talk about the health benefits! If I'm being honest I hate exercising but your very right, a few days a week would do be wonders! Also good news is that my mum has decided to stop smoking. Last time I quit she lasted a week with me but gave up. It's really hard for her and she wants to last at least a month. I worry a lot about my mum and her health. One of the biggest things that pushed me to quit was seeing how much it has negatively effected my parents and their life. Also you sound like a wonderful father and thanks so much for the links!
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