Just another case of psychological torment due to weed

Postby NoMoreWeed86 » Fri Jun 22, 2018 6:15 pm

About 4 months ago, I gave up pot. It was suppose to be a temporary thing. But when I realized I was going through withdrawals I knew I had to give it up forever. My withdrawal symptoms started immediately. I didn’t know it was withdrawals at first. My therapist had mentioned that quitting weed was another obstacle in my ongoing battle with depression in multiple sessions. I didn’t pay much mind to her comments until I realized something was really off about me. I finally googled marijuana withdrawals and am lucky I found this forum.

My first two noticeable symptoms were extreme irritability and non stop weird dreams all night. Then came the lack of pleasure for absolutely everything, anxiety and depression like I’ve never experience, what I believe was depersonalization/derealization, lack of motivation, disconnection from people/animals I love. From about 2 weeks to the 3 month mark was the worst for me. I would wake up every morning feeling lost and like a big chunk of me was missing. I would go through out my day wanting that sort of comfort you feel when your mom coddled you when you were sick as a kid. But nothing brought me comfort. I hardly wanted to speak to anyone or be touched. I wanted the company of my loved ones but I didn’t necessarily want to engage with them.

Entering month 5 of being weed free and I’m still experiencing most of these symptoms. I’m still dreaming all night and spending my days feeling like I didn’t sleep at all. I thought this whole dreaming situation would have been better by now. Improvements are happening slowly but they are happening. I am able to engage with people more, I’ve started to enjoy music,tv, the beauty of nature again, I feel more capable of making decisions. My connection to living things is also coming back but not yet to the extent of where it was before my pot usage. This has been my biggest struggle emotionally.

I’ve always suffered from social anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, adhd, and the depression came when my mom passed. In The beginning weed seemed to put me at ease with my roaming negative worrying thoughts. I thought is was my miracle cure. Now I look back and can see it started to affect me negatively even before I quit. It took away my ability to deal with emotions in a healthy way. Most of my days I feel like I’m relearning how to be me. I’ve always looked at myself as a broken person. However, I took that brokenness for granted. I may have been a puzzle with a few missing pieces. However, I feel weed has disassembled me and put me back together all wrong.

Here is some other info Ive noticed many people on this forum are usually interested in knowing:
I smoked for 2 years. The second year I smoked heavily as I was struggling with stomach issues and started smoking to ease my nausea and to eat.
To help my situation I am taking fish oil and vit d daily, eating healthier, going on daily walks, attempting to read more, and pretty much trying to feed my soul without triggering my anxiety too much.
I have not replaced my weed use with another drugs. I have not drank alcohol in months.
I’m 31. I’m a female. And I am open to any questions or comments anyone might have.

And a big thank you for all those who have contributed to this forum.
NoMoreWeed86
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#1

Postby cleanofgreen » Fri Jun 22, 2018 9:22 pm

Hi nomore
Your doing great at 4 months, so well done and keep pushing on through the tough times.You say you smoked heavily for the last year so you should start to see improvements from 6 - 9 months as this is the time most of the heavy smokers see improvements, your not far off and you could be seeing it sooner as you only smoked for 2 years.

Take the dreaming at night as a sign of the brain healing and doing its re-wiring. If you can, try to do some cardio exercise that gets your heart pounding and body sweating as this is the kind of exercise that benefits most on this forum. Many of us here have gone through the same thing and is sucks in the worst way. Just know it does get better with time. I wish you all the best
Good luck and stay strong.
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#2

Postby NoMoreWeed86 » Mon Jul 30, 2018 4:55 pm

I am now about 5 months and a couple weeks off the pot. Thank you cleanofgreen. Your words help me to keep pushing forward. I feel like I have entered a new phase in PAWS. I still am not sleeping good but I am sleeping better. From month 3 - 4, it seemed I developed some sort of restless leg syndrome. This seems to be letting up. I am not dreaming as much or maybe I just am not remembering them as much. Either way this is an improvement. I am sleeping for more hours at a time and I am also able to take the occasional nap. Oh, how I have missed sleep. I still wake up feeling extremely irritable, empty, and tired. The level of this varies from day to day.

I still have not reached my baseline of anxiety/depression. My anxiety use to make sense to me. Nowadays more than half the time I don’t know what’s triggering me. My connection to living things still seems to be improving but very very slowly. There are still a lot of days where I do not want to interact with humans or my cats. I can’t get myself to care about certain situation like I once did. I’m still experiencing a lot of brain fog, Head pressure, feelings of extreme sadness, feelings of being lost, scared, and confused.

I just recently bought a bike and have been cycling a few days a week. I am unemployed. Sometimes it is hard to fill my day with distractions. I am able to get more Into tv shows lately. Im currently getting through all of Netflix Marvel shows. I have not painted or picked up my ukulele since I quit smoking. This is my next goal. I know that I have to start doing the things I once did in my new sober state of mind.

For all new quitters keep pushing forward. Things do get better. I recently completely a CBT partial program and I am attending there weekly aftercare support group. There is a healing power in community whether it’s a forum like this or a support group you attend.
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#3

Postby ashthewarrior7 » Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:22 pm

You are an inspiration and you are helping countless number of folks survive their withdrawals. Alot of symptoms show up at a later stage and they all go away. They also come in waves/cycles but they come back with lesser intensity. I hope your stomach issues are fine now. Maybe after your withdrawals subside more you can do a 30 day fruit juice cleanse? Google and research about it, it's gaining popularity in Europe. It has a the basic logic of your digestive system can repair itself but it needs a rest, the 30 day juice cleanse give it that rest and also detoxes your body to great extents. Also the stomach problems can also be related to you actually having an allergy in one of your everyday food, maybe talk to a nutriotionist about the same. Hang in there
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#4

Postby cleanofgreen » Tue Jul 31, 2018 2:21 pm

Well done and Great to see you stuck with your quit. Your over the worst of it now but you will still get the hills and valley effect with paws having you feel good longer than bad as time goes by. I saw the fastest improvements from 6 months on and started enjoying the things I used to enjoy before my quit. Keep up the exercise, its very important and keep updating on this forum.

Good Luck and stay strong.
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#5

Postby NoMoreWeed86 » Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:25 am

I am approaching 7 months of being free from weed. I am sorry for not sharing more of my journey but it is so hard for me to collect me thoughts and express myself. This is an issue I have had before I started smoking and has gotten worst after I stopped smoking. This last month has been pretty weird and scary. It has been up and down as usual. I still see improvements but when the bad episodes come I start to freak out as if it were my first couple months. Do I feel like i'm myself? For minutes at a time. I've been able to distract myself more easily. When ever my distraction comes to an end, I have internal fits. I don't let them show but on the inside I feel like crying and throwing a tantrum. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. I feel like I have started somewhat enjoying certain things to a certain extent and when they come to an end I feel lost again. I don't know whens the next time I will feel that sort of comfort and I dread having to find the next best thing.

It has become easier to be around people. I actually find myself wanting company. I still do not like being touched much. My sex life is nonexistent because I have no urge. The thought of it actually triggers negative feelings. I know that this is my anxiety and depression. I don't even enjoy cuddling. This really sucks when you have been in an 8 year relationship that has always been pretty healthy. My home life as a whole feels so strange to me. It has always been my safe place. A place full of love. I feel broken due to the PAWS and therefore I feel I have broken my family and home.

My restless leg syndrome type symptoms have pretty much gone away completely. My sleep continues to improve. I still dream but I often forget them and can move on more easily after I wake up. In the last couple months I have experienced weird heart stuff. If I exert to much physical energy or eat too much processed sugar, my heart does this weird flutter thing. Feels like it is struggling to find its rhythm. This only last for a few seconds but I usually panic when this happens. That worrying feeling will linger for awhile. I also have developed acne on my neck/jawline. I feel like this is caused by stress. I will usually break out before my period but this acne is pretty constant and in an area I've never really had acne before.

Overall, I feel my anxiety is reaching its baseline but my depression is still pretty extreme. I spend a lot of time curled up on my couch watching tv. At times I feel really bad about this. The person who runs my CBT support group says that sometimes it is necessary to resort back to the basics of eating, sleeping and taking your meds(if this is something you have chosen to do). I hope I am making sense. Sometimes we just have to allow ourselves the time to regroup. This PAWS sure is kicking my donkey. But I am hopeful that when its all done I will be able to handle my anxiety and depression with much more ease.

Ashthewarrior, thank you for your support and suggestions. A juice cleanse is something I definitely would like to try. I have been very interested in stomach health. I've read that the gut and brain are connected and that 90% of serotonin is produced in our digestive tract. I find that most the time I go to the doctor all my symptoms are blamed on my mental illness and my doctor is always quick to prescribe antidepressants or some anxiety med as opposed to giving a referral to a nutritionist. Cleanofgreen, hope all is well. Both of your posts help me to keep moving forward.
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#6

Postby BullFrog » Wed Sep 12, 2018 3:14 pm

Also consider taking a quality turmeric supplement every day (maybe even doubling the dosage). At times, it has helped me with brain fog. And also turmeric has shown huge promise in not only fighting cancer cells but reducing inflammation all throughout the body. So my theory is why not take turmeric to help reduce inflammation in the body, which in turns increases better blood flow, and thus give your brain that much better of a chance to heal? Anyway, just another possibility for aide in your struggles. Fight on!
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