Just another case of psychological torment due to weed

Postby NoMoreWeed86 » Fri Jun 22, 2018 6:15 pm

About 4 months ago, I gave up pot. It was suppose to be a temporary thing. But when I realized I was going through withdrawals I knew I had to give it up forever. My withdrawal symptoms started immediately. I didn’t know it was withdrawals at first. My therapist had mentioned that quitting weed was another obstacle in my ongoing battle with depression in multiple sessions. I didn’t pay much mind to her comments until I realized something was really off about me. I finally googled marijuana withdrawals and am lucky I found this forum.

My first two noticeable symptoms were extreme irritability and non stop weird dreams all night. Then came the lack of pleasure for absolutely everything, anxiety and depression like I’ve never experience, what I believe was depersonalization/derealization, lack of motivation, disconnection from people/animals I love. From about 2 weeks to the 3 month mark was the worst for me. I would wake up every morning feeling lost and like a big chunk of me was missing. I would go through out my day wanting that sort of comfort you feel when your mom coddled you when you were sick as a kid. But nothing brought me comfort. I hardly wanted to speak to anyone or be touched. I wanted the company of my loved ones but I didn’t necessarily want to engage with them.

Entering month 5 of being weed free and I’m still experiencing most of these symptoms. I’m still dreaming all night and spending my days feeling like I didn’t sleep at all. I thought this whole dreaming situation would have been better by now. Improvements are happening slowly but they are happening. I am able to engage with people more, I’ve started to enjoy music,tv, the beauty of nature again, I feel more capable of making decisions. My connection to living things is also coming back but not yet to the extent of where it was before my pot usage. This has been my biggest struggle emotionally.

I’ve always suffered from social anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, adhd, and the depression came when my mom passed. In The beginning weed seemed to put me at ease with my roaming negative worrying thoughts. I thought is was my miracle cure. Now I look back and can see it started to affect me negatively even before I quit. It took away my ability to deal with emotions in a healthy way. Most of my days I feel like I’m relearning how to be me. I’ve always looked at myself as a broken person. However, I took that brokenness for granted. I may have been a puzzle with a few missing pieces. However, I feel weed has disassembled me and put me back together all wrong.

Here is some other info Ive noticed many people on this forum are usually interested in knowing:
I smoked for 2 years. The second year I smoked heavily as I was struggling with stomach issues and started smoking to ease my nausea and to eat.
To help my situation I am taking fish oil and vit d daily, eating healthier, going on daily walks, attempting to read more, and pretty much trying to feed my soul without triggering my anxiety too much.
I have not replaced my weed use with another drugs. I have not drank alcohol in months.
I’m 31. I’m a female. And I am open to any questions or comments anyone might have.

And a big thank you for all those who have contributed to this forum.
NoMoreWeed86
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#1

Postby cleanofgreen » Fri Jun 22, 2018 9:22 pm

Hi nomore
Your doing great at 4 months, so well done and keep pushing on through the tough times.You say you smoked heavily for the last year so you should start to see improvements from 6 - 9 months as this is the time most of the heavy smokers see improvements, your not far off and you could be seeing it sooner as you only smoked for 2 years.

Take the dreaming at night as a sign of the brain healing and doing its re-wiring. If you can, try to do some cardio exercise that gets your heart pounding and body sweating as this is the kind of exercise that benefits most on this forum. Many of us here have gone through the same thing and is sucks in the worst way. Just know it does get better with time. I wish you all the best
Good luck and stay strong.
cleanofgreen
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