Weed and me...

Postby RedVodKA » Mon Jun 25, 2018 11:58 am

Hi, I've been smoking since I was 16. I'm just turning 24 and I want to change myself. I am someone that smokes a hell of a lot of weed. all the time. whenever I have the chance. The only time I am not smoking is when I am working. Now, i am not a stoner that has never worked and leeches of his family like some people I do know... instead, I have always stayed in school, got my grades, I completed college, I started my career in IT with an apprentiship scheme - i got an easy little job as an IT tech within my local middleschool and things were going great. I went to work, did my job - walked home and got high. Every f***ing day. No one ever said a thing about it. It was like I was leading two lives - the responible, respectable, friendly, helpful young IT techie at work but when I got home - I was a no-good pothead, spending all my time in front of the PC or TV. I literally smoked all the time. Every weekend I'd wake up to a wake n bake then usually fall asleep around mid-day then I'd get up again and keep on smoking. I'd do this for the entire weekend until I had to shower, brush my teeth, get myself up and outside to meet the day and to get into work. I'd crawl into work, tidy myself up and by the end of the day I would of got a few things done. Maybe attended some meetings - maybe helped out in lessons - maybe fixed things or had to make phone calls to get things fixed. at 4:00 though, i'd put it all down, go home and get blazed. So blazed i couldn't see the cieling. So blazed I'd mistake my own dog for a toilet brush. I did this for 4 years. Then something happend. I changed job....

Following a change in management, i decided to leave and to find a new career in a new industry, something that's a bit more people-orientated and where I wont be stuck in front of a computer screen for the rest of my life. I didn't plan things very well. I quit my job and walked out the doors 3 weeks later - a free man. From there I had to find work. I searched facebook, papers, notice boards. Eventually I found a cleaing job on facebook which - went well. It was an early shift so I'd be in at 6, out by 8am and I had the day to mysef. I saw it as a good job to help build some responsbilty to get to sleep early and be up early for work. The job went well until, well.... lets just say, some people can be a bit sensitive. and if your gonna give it, you better take it.... but i suppose if you cant, you just go to upper management and kick out the new guy, right? oh and forget that last paycheck you owed me, i didn't need it anyway...

Anyway, 3 months later I entered the catering industry. i joined a little team just 20 minutes from my house. full-time, catering assistant role within an international center for science research into Genetics and DNA. pretty cool, right? From here I am making more money than I ever have before and I work with a team of people that make the days fun. IT's been a great oppitunity for me to re-eneter myself into a social stage and to take myself out of isolation and more importantly, out of the depression that I have been just sitting within for months and even years. Slowly and gradually I am able to see an easier way of life.

Now 4 months into this job and I am at today. Since starting this job I have smoked weed the same as I always did - I smoke every day and every weekend and whenever I get the chance. I go to work - go home - get high - go sleep - go work and repeat. I often wonder how different the last 4 months would've been. The money, the focus, the social interactions. However that will bring me no benefits - instead I look at the present and future. What changes would I like to make to move forward? There is one simple change I feel would help me...

Quitting weed.

If not to quit completely, but to quit the heavy, chronic usage that I have fallen into the trap of. I want to save money , i want to ease off my brain and give it time to rest and the same goes for my body. I am very tired all the time. I require more energy so I can properlly achieve certain goals. Simple goals. A simple goal I have to to re-paint my bedroom and to fix a few things in my car - but I need to find a way to better take care of my body first.

So my goal is more to lay off weed, smoke a lot less and try to use my time to do things that matter more to me. One of my downfalls will be boredom. I get insanely bored and weed is the way I distract myself. but then I get depressed because Im high/lazy and still bored. To fight that i'll need exciting things to do. Whether its sex, sports, simple friendships or taking on projects like my room. Eventually, I'm sure I'll find ways of spending time that are will be a bit more interesting. But honestly - until I free up my time, I won't be able to.

Do I Really think I'll cut down? It's hard to say. But what I do know is that if I don't cut down and control my usage - that it will continue to be a problem and I will continue to experience the issues associated with my heavy addiction. So it's a choice I will make.
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