Bizarre Mental Problem - Involves Electric chargers

Postby yeahhh » Sat Jun 30, 2018 3:54 am

Hello there.

I want to give this post some structure so it's a bit easier to read.

Bear with me. It's a long post. I'm getting bit personal down there, and I appreciate you reading this a lot. It feels very good to finally tell people about my problem, instead of keeping all to myself.

To state the topic, I have this urge (which, if I follow, probably could leave me dead) to do an absolutely stupid and strange thing.

Basically, I have this curiosity to put an electronic charger into my mouth, because apparently it can shock people to death.
Sounds confusing, right? Rightly so, if anyone with a normal mind is reading this. I will explain further below.
Please, do not take this too lightly. Disorders such as Depression can seem strange to a normal person too. It is a very private thing for me, and the only persons that know about this is my parents.

Here is a bit of structure.

My Background

So, I'm a young teen (14 as of this year), male. I'm very healthy, fit and exercises regularly (go to the gym- 3 times a week, and swim for cardio). I used to be a swimmer, a soccer player, and tennis player.
I have had no trauma experiences before. (oh, besides a few times my crush rejected me. Those stung a little. Not anything close to trauma though. :wink: )

As stated above, I am a physically active person. I am also an accomplished Piano Player, having won prizes at International and National levels. I am not unpopular at school either, I have many many friends, and I'm not being bullied. My parents are very supportive of me, I get good grades, I constantly am invited to social friend gatherings, and I have a good relationship with my family. I also have a great dog, and I travel frequently to attend piano events. Sounds a bit too good to be true, eh?

I would have said "well, life isn't always a land of milk and honey", but that would sound pretentious.

Read below.

My Problem

By this point, you know enough about me and my life.

My problem began about 3-4 years ago, when I got my first iPad 2.

I was a carefree boy back then, playing Minecraft (cringe warning...), playing piano, swimming, and playing more computer games. One day, my father (great man,) mentioned to me: "Son, don't fool around with the charger (of the iPad). If you put it in your mouth, it can kill you.


There starts my problem.

I replied: "okay." my mind instantly became curious about what would happen if I actually DID put it in my mouth. That time, I was a naïve and "dumb" guy. I, of course, didn't do it (I probably won't be here if I did,) but I wanted to try. Because, well, I'm curious. The vicious cycle began - I wanted to try it, but I know it might kill me. But I still wanted to do it, but I know it might kill me, but but but I still wanted to do it but but but but but

You must be so confused right now. Basically, I want to try and see if a charger will actually kill me. I know, deep down, it probably will, and the logical part of me is like "YOU'RE SO STUPID DONT DO IT YOU HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE A CRUSH TO ASK OUT KASJDBAKJSBDKASBD". However, this is where my struggle is. I can imagine myself putting it in my mouth, and I WANT to do it. Although it is definitely bad. There were periods of times that I didn't even think about it, and was completely normal, then there are "outbursts". I would think about wanting to put the charger in my mouth through the evening, and sometimes the entire day. Sometimes the urge got pretty close. I once had the end of the charger, plugged in, inches away from my mouth before I slammed it down and ran into my room in tears.

It's confusing to write, but I really hope you understand, assuming you're still reading.

Technically, I've had about 4 "outbursts" of my problem. The first one was when I was about 9-10, when I first heard of this thing about chargers. (explained in MY PROBLEMS section below). The first "outburst" I don't remember the severity. I know it lasted for, at most, a week.
My second "wave" was my most severe one yet, Summer from two years ago. (I was 11.) I was constantly in a state of anxiety and worry and general unhappiness for a month and a half, every single day, which gradually disappeared as school started again.

During the severe second wave, I would have impulses to do multiple things that can hurt me. For example, I had an impulse to press my hand on a hot stove, an impulse to poke pins inside power outlets, touch dangerous things, and generally stupid ideas.

My third was this year, during spring break. It's not nearly as bad as last summer, but it started out very strangely. Like my problem.

I was watching Bas Rutten (MMA guy) explaining how a rear naked choke worked. I WAS PROCRASTINATING, OKAY? I instinctively tried what he was talking about (he was talking about how the choke reduced blood flow blah blah by compressing the sides of the neck), my hands compressing the sides of my neck to block the arteries, and BOOM. It worked like he said. I was feeling dizzy almost instantly. What did that mean? I started wanting to reduce blood flow to my brain by compressing against the sides of my neck. It's almost an impulse. I want to do it for whatever reason, EVEN THOUGH I KNEW IT WOULD HURT ME.

God, it sounds so stupid to be a problem. I'm embarrassed to share this, even though it's anonymous.

That led to me remembering back to the charger problem. Suddenly, I had two impulses to deal with. A charger in my mouth, and pressure on my arteries.

This was better than the last time, because it was really only a problem at night.
Now, it's my fourth outburst, and the mildest of them all. It's the same charger problem. It started two days ago, when I traveled from Canada to Indiana to attend piano competition.

Too long; Didn't Read:

Please, read the above. It is very long, but it is how you can understand my problem.

1. My problem is wanting to try things that I KNOW ARE DANGEROUS AND WILL HURT ME. My urge is to put a charger end in my mouth.
2. I know the things I want to try are bad, but I still want to do them anyway.

3. The above creates an inner mind struggle for me, and can make me anxious for an entire day.

4. Interestingly, this usually happens at evening and night. (Exception being two years ago - it was the entire day for a month and a half). Now, I only think about this at night.

5. Also interestingly, this happens when 1. I'm relatively alone 2. after a flight. 3. I tried something new.
My first wave started after my father mentioned how dangerous a charger may be. My second started before I was going to fly to Paris. I was jerking off (yes, I'm not afraid to admit I tried it when I was 11) and almost reached my first orgasm. As you can tell, it is a very frightening and new sensation. I was afraid of what was happening, which led to the charger problem that started after I arrived at Paris. My third started during spring break, when I am alone. Now, my fourth one, started right after I flew to Chicago two days ago.

6. I'm afraid that one day, I will give in to my urges and end my life. By a F***ING CHARGER...

Excuse me. I'm very frustrated about this. I'm very confused.
Am I normal? Is this symptoms to a disorder? Is there possible ways to prevent further episodes?

It's so frustrating... You might think I'm crazy. Go ahead. I don't even give a ____ about that anymore. Why am I thinking like this, and want to try things that hurt me? I know it's bad, why do I still want to? And, why does it become severe in the evening? How do I get rid of these negative thoughts and focus on the good things in life?

Please, if you have any comments, leave them.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Jun 30, 2018 2:12 pm

There are normal stages of cognitive development. As children transition into adolescence they go from a protected status to one of greater independence. This is based on the idea that an adolescent has reached a level of cognitive development that they can use a knife, fire, or electric charger without harm to themselves or others.

In this adolescent stage it is normal to have bizarre thoughts. While you think of electric chargers, other teens are thinking of selfies with venomous snakes or eating tide pods. Between the cognitive skills of a pre-teen and those of a critically thinking adult, there is this intermediate stage where cognitive exploration meets the potential consequences of adulthood.

What ends up happening is that a small percentage of teens do end up maimed or killed as a result of progressing through this normal stage of cognitive development. Society labels these teens as having won the Darwin award, with natural selection running it's course.

You don't want to win the Darwin award. The solution is to not trust yourself and to continue to openly discuss with adults. Don't be embarrassed about what you consider to be "bizarre" ideas. You are not alone in any way shape or form.

Have you ever seen the show 1000 ways to die? There are plenty of examples of people that had "bizarre" ideas and instead of talking through them with more knowledgeable others, they decided to give them a try.

The point being, you can get past the bizarre idea of electric chargers through increasing your knowledge on the subject...and I don't mean surfing for YouTube videos. I mean when you have these kinds of thoughts, don't be embarrassed and explore them with actual conversations with more knowledgeable others, i.e. adults mostly. Talk with an actual MMA fighter. Call Apple. Become informed.
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