5 month update

[jmh335]

Hello everyone,

As many know. I have had a very difficult journey. I have tried 3 quits. This is officially my longest streak! For those that don’t know, I was an extreme weed smoker for about 7 years. I struggle major during my quits with insomnia, depression, and anxiety.

Anyway I haven’t posted for a few months. I have been doing surprisingly... well. Let me tell you guys the one thing that has really helped me. Sleeping less. I now sleep a maximum of 7 hours per night. I don’t lay in bed until then. It helps you fall asleep quickly and assure that you are tired the next night. I still struggle occasionally (maybe 1 per week) and I treat that by taking Benadryl which works really well (except the hang over the next day).

The other thing I have found is staying busy. I am currently sick and can’t do anything and it really takes a toll on you. If you just sit there, you are going to start thinking really negative thoughts.

Also, I’m cutting out alcohol forever. Throughout the process I have had some drinks occasionally and I find that the next 3 days I’m totally depressed and anxious. Even after a few beers.

Anyway, I just wanted to let people know that I am doing somewhat better. I really hope that over time I continue to get better. As everyone knows, you feel like you are going to stay like this forever.

[RoadToRecovery123]

Hey jmh335!

How are you feeling today? I’m a little over a month sober after 4 years on and off. Before this quitting bout, I had been a heavy smoker for 9 months straight (my longest consistent streak). I suffered from a mild anxiety and situational depression before smoking, but smoking amplified it. I dabbled with alcohol pretty often because my gf liked to drink (and smoked rarely). After quitting I relied on alcohol more to cope with the weed withdrawals...TERRIBLE idea because it left me feeling super down in the dumps the next day because my body was detoxing one substance and now craving another. I haven’t had a drink in 5 days, but I don’t want write alcohol off because it hasn’t been an “addiction”. I want to have fun, responsibly. At the same time I’m nervous!

[jmh335]

Well first, everyone is different. I was a much heavier smoker than you. I smoked all day everyday from 15-23. I can no longer drink alcohol. I’m not addicted to it either, barely drink at all. The problem is it messes up your healing pleasure centers. Alcohol is a hard drug and should be taken seriously.

[leavepawsbehind]

I'm right there with you, I quit almost 6 months ago. I decided probably a month in that I'm likely going to be a teetotaler for life after this experience.

I'm in overall worse shape than you but am happy you're doing well. It gives me hope that I could be doing well soon!

[RoadToRecovery123]

You’re absolutely right, when you’ve had an addiction no matter what it is, it’s just best to abstain completely. Definitely felt like drinking set me a couple of steps back during my detox. Looking forward to getting high off of life!

Hope everyone is doing well!

[reckoning]

Thanks everyone for this sharing. It comes at the right time for me. I am just over six and half months into my quit and realising that on those days when I do have some alcohol, which I don't have a problem with then I have really bad days after it. Ummm... I think I will have to think about that long and hard, and maybe stay of it completely for a while. It's like when I have a drink its opening the doors and calling those PAWS to come bounding straight at me.

[leavepawsbehind]

Same. I've always enjoyed beer and casually drinking one or two on the weekend, but after quitting weed, my brain feels very delicate. The few times I had alcohol early on, I felt pleasant while under the influence, and then the next few days would be awful. It's disappointing for sure, but my recovery is the priority.

[RoadToRecovery123]

Hey everyone,

So today was a beach day! I decided to have a couple of drinks. I wasn’t ‘drunk’ but a little buzzed. I figured, hey, I’m 24 and drinking was never an addiction for me so why not indulge responsibly. However I’ll keep you guys updated on how I’m feeling on the upcoming days.

Btw do you guys live in the US? Noticed a time difference.

[RoadToRecovery123]

Hey everyone,

Just curious how everyone’s journey is going?

[leavepawsbehind]

Hey there,

I clicked over a year sober on January 18. I'm doing better in many ways but am still not totally normal. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since my last post in this thread and I think it's the way to go, I don't even miss it now. I see a pathway to normalcy and recovery again but I am pretty exhausted and drained by dealing with PAWS at this point. Also, I'm from the US (Texas specifically). How are you?

[RoadToRecovery123]

I’m so glad to hear that you’re maintaining your sobriety. Congrats on a year sober!

Unfortunately I can’t say the same for myself. Since the last time I posted I relapsed. It started as a one time session with a friend back in October and then slowly progressed to daily usage again (about a gram a day rolled up into tobacco paper).

Two weeks ago I decided to quit after realizing that once again my weed dependency started to control my life and that I’ll pretty much never have the willpower to grasp onto occasional smoking. My initial plan was only on weekends/special occasions but I’d always want to smoke more and more and get higher and higher so that plan obviously failed. It was just was never enough, sometimes I wouldn’t even get high, but my dependency was so bad I just felt like I had to smoke anyways. It got to the point couldn’t go anywhere without smoking first....even work! For crying out loud I work with kids with autism which I loved but still felt like I needed to get high to feel normal before arriving.

This go ‘round of quitting didn’t feel as physically draining as in the past. Contrary to before, I got my appetite back relatively fast and am able to sleep through the night for the most part (there were nights during the first week where I’d randomly wake up but was able to fall back to sleep soon after).

However, psychological effects of quitting have been making me want to do my f**king head in!!! I cannot seem to put my mind at ease. I’m constantly thinking of terrible scenarios in my head, making myself believe them, and then panicking. I feel bouts of depression, highs and lows as if I’m bipolar, and anxiety about highly unlikely events. I’m still early on in my process but I’m just fed up with these symptoms and truly feel as if I’ve contaminated my body with tons of unhealthy chemicals given the fact that my brain is going haywire without it. On top of that I still drink pretty regularly which likely adds on to my brain pollution. I’ve decided to stop that today, despite the fact that my birthday is on the 31st, I’ll be 25. I’m mainly concerned about becoming mentally healthy and hopefully everything else will follow...

Anyone who gets to the end PLEASE feel free to comment or share your experiences. I’m going through a really tough time right now and would love to hear from others going through something similar. I have a girlfriend who tries to be supportive but just can’t understand what I’m going through like a lot of you guys do.

PS. I’m from New Jersey!

[Coldturkey2018]

Hey, @Roadtorecovery123 reading your last post on this forum, I feel as if our story’s are the same I quit weed last year around this time and stayed clean till about May when I finally relapsed, quiting last time was hell I never experienced anything like it before but like you said this time things are not as heightened as last quit I’ve quit for around a week and a half now and my appetite came back pretty quick like yourself and I do sleep at night but do wake up randomly around 2-3 am in the morning often, I constantly fear the death of me and feel like my rays are numbered still I don’t know why I feel like this all the time its probably just my anxiety but I feel the same as you. I started using again from the day I relapsed up till now when I decided to quit ( 2 grams a day sometimes) I still pray for the day when I feel like my self again till now I will continue to try and heal, good luck friends. You guys should check out a website called bigwhitewall they are a very supportive community for people struggling with mental health.

[RoadToRecovery123]

Hi @ColdTurkey2018,

I’m so glad that you can relate to my story! Since I wrote on here I’ve been feeling slightly better with shorter waves of anxiety that can be described EXACTLY like you noted. I’ve noticed that the fear of dying or something bad happening to me are a form of anxiety called ‘fortune telling’ and as a result my brain goes into fight or flight mode which can make me really feel like I’m dying. I mostly try to rationalize why I feel this way and eventually come out of the anxiety after realizing these thoughts are completely irrational and that continuation of training my brain to think these negative thoughts can damage my brain and well being in the long run. We have to stop the cycle of negative thinking! I try to use these intrusive thoughts as motivation that my brain is healing itself due to me abusing it with weed. It may take a while but it must be done. Hope all is well with you

[Coldturkey2018]

Hello, thanks for the response, everything seems to be moving in some what positive direction for me still have pretty heightened anxiety but nothing I can’t manage, depression comes in waves for me I feel like doing things one day then the next I just feel misrable and irratible hopefully the irratible feelings pass soon I get frustrated at such little things I hate not being able t preform some tasks as well as I use to makes me pretty upset sometimes, glad to hear your doing alright.

[RoadToRecovery123]

Hey,

Just checking in here. I’m coming up on 30 days tomorrow and I’m feeling just okay. I have good and bad moments but thankfully never a fully bad day. I’ve noticed that sometimes small things have the capacity to tick me off or heighten my anxiety but I’m able to have a better handle on calming myself down. I still do struggle with irrational thought processes but, like my anxiety, I’m able to snap myself out of it and find other things to focus on.

My patience is a bit shorter than normal, but I’ve always had minimal patience (with adults) so maybe I should meditate or do yoga lol. I get a decent night’s rest but find myself waking up 1-2 times at night but I’ll fall back asleep pretty quickly.

My appetite has certainly increased and I’m relieved about that because in the first week or so I felt like the mere thought of food would make me puke.

My dreams are super vivid, even when taking naps I dream. Some are good and some are just ain weird and give me anxiety.

I’m really looking forward to making progress physiologically, as that’s the biggest challenge withdrawal process.

How’s everybody else doing? Hope all is well!