6 months in

Postby dirtySanchez » Thu Jul 05, 2018 6:56 pm

Time for the quick update.

Its really gets better with time. I would say I am like at my 40 - 50% after six months.

DR is really strong. I still feel like I am in some video game all the time... there are some brief moments of clarity when things look so damn beautiful (nature for example) .. but this happens very very rarely.

Depression & negative thoughts come in waves. For now, there are like 7 good days and 7 bad days... the difference from the beginning of my weed free journey is enormous.

I can also feel emotions on some days. I may sound strange but I am even happy when I feel sadness... I was like a stone for the past 6 months.

The most important thing for me is exercise. I really became addicted to the gym - but in a good way :D

Looking back at the beginning of the journey I thought it will only take six months to recover... now I think it will take more than a year or more to fully heal.
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#1

Postby Freedomhfx » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:05 pm

You are remarkable and courageous. I’m coming up on six months and I agree that it does get better, but even today I was fantasizing about sitting in the beautiful day having a puff. It isn’t an easy thing. I cannot imagine putting myself through this withdrawal again. I agree with you about the duration of time to recover and if I had even imagined how long the process would take when I quit, I wonder, sometimes, if I would have quit. Now I’m so far into it that I stay the course. It does get easier with each passing day. Keep up the great work!
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#2

Postby jmh335 » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:06 pm

I’m basically in the same boat as you. A little over 5 months in. I would say I’m about 20% recovered. The waves come and go. Good days and bad. Good week, good month, bad week, bad month etc.

Right now I’m really focusing on staying busy. I’m on summer break from college and was sick for the past week so I haven’t been able to do much. Really challenging my mental strength. Going to try to go for a run today.

Getting busy is definitely difficult. I’ve been working for myself and making enough money, but I might just get a job to see more people. Also, my girlfriend took a job that will have her travel for the next 2 years, so I will barely see her. That is definitely hard on me.
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#3

Postby Freedomhfx » Thu Jul 05, 2018 11:24 pm

Stay strong. We won’t regret it!
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#4

Postby dirtySanchez » Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:11 am

Thanks to everyone who replied to this topic. I really hope all of you are doing good.

I'll try to document my journey here. ATM 6 and 1/2 months

I have been in the PAWS wave for the last 2 weeks. It's funny how I can wake up and be able to tell that they are gone.

Don't really see any difference between the intensity of paws from the beginning and now. Life gets really bad when they hit.

What happens to me during PAWS:
- I became really angry at the world (normally I have really chilled personality),
- My thoughts become very negative. Start to think that my girlfriend doesn't really love me and I somehow f***ed my life and will be loser forever
- Cant see the exit from my disability
- Don't want to talk to people
- My muscles hurt
- Have no energy
- Cant perform any mental operations (even reading a book is hard)

But somehow I am used to them and while they last I keep reminding myself that they will be gone in 1 week.

For now, I am being off them and being myself at the 60%. I'll try to enjoy these days as much as I can.

DR is still strong and everything 99% of the time feels like I am in some video game.
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#5

Postby dirtySanchez » Tue Jul 31, 2018 6:15 pm

New milestone in my journey :) 7 months

This whole month was just awful. At the beginning of the months I was super tired all the time, anxiety, negative/panic thoughts and muscles pain... since anxiety and mood were so low I decided also for quitting caffeine. It was pure hell first 2 days without it. I was really angry. Bad mood continued for about 7 days.

While being in that state (miserable) I was talking with my girlfriend about what was I like 3 months ago and she said it was much worse.
Things are getting better without me realizing it at that moment.

The thing that bothers me the most... I am not completely sure that if its PAWS or it's just my personality. I somehow can't find motivation or any desire to pursue my goals. Putting minimum effort into my financial life - it seems like I don't want to put pressure on my self. :roll:
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