6 months in

#45

Postby dirtySanchez » Sun Jan 27, 2019 7:37 am

Head in loud wrote:dirtySanchez,
Not to discourage you but I’m so against taking supplements. In my opinion we still don’t know much about how these supplements are effecting our brain. Some might say it is natural but then so is weed.


I know where are your concerns coming from, I had them too. I really researched everything and its a lot of studies made on above-listed supplements and their effects (long-term) on the brain. Since I am really heavily involved in healthy lifestyle and sports I want to make sure that everything is not causing damage to my body and this is my first priority.

For example - I am not taking fitness supplements to "be big" or "feel good". I am taking them because it helps my body with the regeneration process, so I am able to work out every day.

It is the same with those. I just want to help my brain with the healing process. I have no plan to take them for more than a month or two.

... and I am not encouraging anyone to try this because something that is working for me, it won't necceserly work for them. I am just documenting my journey so I will be able to see a timeline of my progress.
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#46

Postby type0 » Sun Jan 27, 2019 8:09 am

yes but there are no big side effect reported with these supplements. Anyone is different but they appear to be quite safe. There s no high whatsoever. In our condition they are a really really big help
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#47

Postby Sherwood1999 » Thu Jan 31, 2019 10:11 pm

Hey Dirty! I’m at 2 months and am experiencing the DP/DR 24/7. Are you still feeling it? Just curios thanks. Hope your doing good.
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#48

Postby dirtySanchez » Fri Feb 01, 2019 7:02 pm

Sherwood1999 wrote:Hey Dirty! I’m at 2 months and am experiencing the DP/DR 24/7. Are you still feeling it? Just curios thanks. Hope your doing good.


Hey Sherwood1999

Get used to DP/DR, they will follow you for a quite some time:)

I am still experiencing DR most of the time, while DP is getting much better.


To give a little update about my journey:

Dopamine & serotonin supplements - they really don't work as quite as I would like. They help to get your mood up for like 20%. If I am experiencing a really hard wave of paws, they will not make it go away in any terms. I can say that for sure after 2-3 weeks of using them.

I decided I will use them only once per week / two. The reason I started experimenting with them was because my new job which I start in April. I just wanted to be fully focused by then, but it seems that healing will take much more time and I have to accept that fact. I must admit that my mood overall is better than it was in the first year of quitting. While still getting hit by hard waves of paws every 3 couple of weeks and they last for 1 week (intensely) until they slowly subside and the cycle repeats. This is the most frustrating thing for now.
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#49

Postby Sherwood1999 » Sun Feb 03, 2019 1:43 am

Thanks for the reply Dirty. Appreciate you taking the time to give some tips too. I can handle the anxiety and horrible depression. I can even handle the f***ed up dreams and shitty sleep, but the dpdr isn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy, it f**ks me up whenever I notice it. I hate it more than anything in my life. Today it actually felt 1% better today so that’s good. I started running two miles everyday and taking fish oil so maybe that helped lol. I know I have a long journey ahead of me but I got this. It’s just rough. Keep us posted on your recovery I hope you get to 100% soon!
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#50

Postby dirtySanchez » Sun Mar 31, 2019 11:10 am

Hey guys.. its been a little while since I posted.

What brought me back today? PAWS.

At the moment - I am 16 months free of weed.

A lot had happened during this time (since my last post) - got a new job, moved into my own department, bought a new car, moved into another city,... so really my life is like 180 degrees different than it used to be.

it still happens every couple of weeks that I get PAWS for a couple of days - AND I know for sure that they are paws!:)

It happens overnight:
- Lost of confidence
- Lost of motivation
- Depression
- Urge to smoke (cigarettes)
- Panic attacks during the day
- Wanting to die
- Life is meaningless
-etc...

But they are A LOT less intense that they were in the first year. They are quite manageable now and I can "make" myself function in those times (but it still sucks bigtime).

I owe so much to this forum - without it, I would never make it.

About supplements - I stopped using them completely. They didn't have an effect on the long run (1month) and I think that they made me feel actually worst.. maybe it's just a placebo:) Time and exercise are the only supplements that we need.
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#51

Postby dirtySanchez » Sun Apr 28, 2019 7:10 pm

17 months weed free.

I don't know what's going on with my brains and dopamine but this really sucks. The ratio between good days and bad days is still 1:1. I really thought that by now I could function normally...

It's really hard for me going through the PAWS and also being under so much stress at the same time (because of a new job). Being under PAWS its really not helping me because I lose all my confidence and my ability to focus while being under it.

There were many times in the last month when I had thoughts about smoking weed and cigarettes again. I will not do it for sure but the thought alone gives me such nice feeling how things were easy back then. But as we all know - we don't grow being comfortable.





I
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#52

Postby dirtySanchez » Wed May 29, 2019 2:27 pm

18 months!

It seems I have so much work to do because every time the stressfull event appears - so do PAWS - if the situation/event changes to the better - also my mood changes instantly.

Don't know why this is happening but it seems because I have been smoking since 16. and my body is not adjusted to stress somehow. I remember that I really avoided all stressful events and was smoking 24/7 for the 10 years.

But since I have a job that is very stressful - I need to found solutions to overcome or ease the PAWS for 70% at least.

Here they are:

1) No ejaculation
Every time I had sex/masturbation with ejaculation my mood decreased by 90% for the next week or more! Also, I had brainfog. no motivation, chest pressure(pain) and extremely low mood. It seems this is related to dopamine.

2) Meditation
If I skip one day of meditation my mood goes down. Really.
First thing I do in the morning is drinking green tea (to wake me up) and then meditate for 15-20mins. I repeat the meditation at 6-7pm. It has helped me very much in this month and its probably the most important thing in my life for now.,
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#53

Postby dirtySanchez » Wed Sep 11, 2019 4:55 pm

21 months.

What can I say? I am a little bit of tired of this journey - writing this in another PAWS wave. I have been reading success stories for the last 10 days daily - going over and over them. Especially those who took 3+ years to win this battle.

Don't get me wrong. I can see improvements made during my journey - but it really sucks when your brain works at 5% capacity and during this time I don't see the joy in anything. Waves are still very long (30days - 20days) followed by the 10-20 days when I am feeling good.

It's really hard to be optimistic in this mood but I am somehow used to it. I know things are getting better really slowly and I don't care if it does take another 2 years. There is no magic formula, no meditation, no food, no supplement, no exercise that cures PAWS (trust me, I have tried everything). This journey has really been with so many ups and downs. There were times when I thought I overcame PAWS it but then there was a time when I thought I will never be healed

I am really proud of myself since during this time while being in this mental state (I can say that 80-90% of those 21 months I wasn't feeling good) I pushed every day to completely change my life and got a dream job, car and apartment. I really gave it my all to make a better life for myself and change my habits. Now I am thinking to myself ... just wait till you brain gets working at 100% - the world will be mine.

Everything in nature is in contraction or expansion. When expansion ends, contraction start...and when the contraction ends, expansion starts,...its never-ending cycle. This applies to life and most importantly - to our healing process.
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#54

Postby SparkleFly12 » Thu Sep 12, 2019 4:06 am

Hey Sanchez,

Just went back and read your earlier posts. Man, you've had quite a journey. Very different than mine but also very similar in many ways.

It sounds like you are on the right path. I'm at 6.5 months and the first 5 months were God awful. But you have to keep a positive attitude and dont use paws as an excuse to not do things. If you do that, then each day isn't as depressing. And when paws does lift for good, you'll feel invincible.

Hang in there, you got this.
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#55

Postby Isitpaws » Fri Sep 13, 2019 5:45 am

Hey,

Just been reading your story and feel for you bro, I’m at around 10 months of living with paws and it’s hell! Struggling to keep going with these feelings and I’m craving to have a smoke constantly as I know I’ll feel better again. I don’t really feel the waves as everyday is hard work, I may have some better days but not symptom free. Hopefully you will see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.
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#56

Postby Cthompson21 » Fri Sep 13, 2019 2:44 pm

Good to read your update Sanchez.
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