Is this Abuse?

Postby rvmiller » Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:11 pm

I have a friend who thinks that this is the way all parents behave, because her step parent has been treating her this way since they entered her life at the age of five. Here is a list of things that I've observed and that she's told me:
Told her that she's the root of their problems, starting at twelve.
When her biological parent tries stepping in, the step parent blames my friend for their spouse turning on them.
Never compliments her unless in front of colleagues or grandparents (i.e. when it benefits them to do so)
Once said "once [friend] gives me a reason to be nice to her, I will be"
So, so different to their biological children then their step child. I've seen their interactions before my friend began telling me about her life, and it's always left me feeling strange for some reason. They fawn over their biological children. Once at a party I watched their biological child throw a tantrum over the amount of cake recieved, and they were relaxed about it (what can you do lol?) but when my friend asked a reasonable request, she got interrupted and shut down.
Step parent never once hit or kicked her, so no physical abuse. But as an outsider I feel like she's living under a dystopian regime.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jul 09, 2018 12:08 am

No. It is not anywhere close to abuse. In fact, it does a disservice to children that actually are abused.

I’m not saying it is wonderful or perfect parenting, but fawning over biological children or not providing compliments is neither abuse, nor anywhere near a dystopian regime. Parents sometimes say regrettable things. That doesn’t make it abuse.

While children are starved, beaten, raped, burned, verbally abused, and mentally tortured, this person doesn’t get the same size cake. Oh heavens no!

Yet I understand. There is a failure of perspective in life when a person is living in relative utopian circumstances, but doesn’t realize it. How could they? After all, if they have been raised in an environment where they want for basically nothing, then not receiving a compliment or the same size piece of cake might appear dystopian.
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