Anxiety/relationship

Postby distressedthinker » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:48 pm

So to keep things kinda short I have been in a toxic relationship before and havnt dated for a while bc he messed me up real bad. Well recently iv been dating this awesome guy for almost a month now,and I'm not sure if it's my anxiety or me overthinking or maybe just cause the last relationship really messed me up but he post stuff sometimes like on Snapchat that said who is up at 1:27 and he has a few guys on his but also a bunch of girls. I just got really worried and insecure and just had alot of thoughts like "maybe he wants to talk to someone else","he is getting tired of me",basically alot of negative thoughts and I literally just started crying. I have these negative thoughts alot honestly. Is it something wrong with me? Did I over react?
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Jul 10, 2018 8:01 pm

distressedthinker wrote: Is it something wrong with me?


No. There is nothing "wrong" with you.

Like many people, you currently lack self-confidence. Like any other ability, self-confidence is learned and can be improved. But, like any other ability it requires deliberate effort.

Currently you are not ready for an intimate relationship.
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#2

Postby Livetowin » Wed Jul 11, 2018 12:25 pm

I think you need to ask yourself a couple of questions. The first is what are your expectations a month into dating this person? Is this already serious or is this something still being defined? I think your worries are rooted in your need to define your boundaries. A month in though is very early to be setting rules of engagement. That's too clingy and not a good start to knowing someone. If you're already looking for the devil in the details, you will sabotage any chance to make this work, because your inner fears are recreating the past by looking for suggestions of it.

The second question is what are you looking for in a partner? I ask because your identity needs to really be established with yourself before you go looking for a new mate. If your last relationship "messed with your head", then maybe you need to take a couple steps back and ask whether you're looking at things honestly or putting too much time into wishful thinking over what is in front of you.

People can and do disappoint. That's universal. You have to be able to work through that and look at the heart of the matter. But if the results of a relationship left your thinking confused, then perhaps you need to reassess how you look at life around you. If you're not sure of your own footing then now is not the time to walk into another person's life when you can't assess what is happening in yours. Having someone make you feel better about yourself is a trap. You have to feel better about yourself on your own terms first. I wish you well.
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