Painful longing

Postby Beenwahiel2287 » Mon Jul 16, 2018 9:38 am

I met a guy yesterday and he slept over (I'm gay) and I had a great time with him. I was so attracted to him and we slept together hugged. I felt so good but at the same time I stared to feel the anxiety crawling to my head. I acted toward him normal and I didn't show any signs of neediness but, from within I felt that I really want to see him again and that I miss so much being loved and being touched and being kissed and I haven't exprienced it for a very long time. Why do I get attached so fast? I'm writing this lines and there are tears in my eyes, I feel like I want to be saved and I can't save myself. Why am I so needy for attention and love? I feel like I want someone to hug me and shield me from all the pain that exists in this world.
Beenwahiel2287
New Member
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu May 04, 2017 10:18 am
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jul 16, 2018 1:20 pm

Beenwahiel2287 wrote: ...I feel like I want to be saved and I can't save myself.... I feel like I want someone to hug me and shield me from all the pain that exists in this world.

Why do I get attached so fast?


Toddlers in war zones cling to whatever adult is present. It is natural. They are truly helpless and live in a dangerous world. To become attached quickly is understandable. You see this in animals as well. If a young animal is separated from their parent by predation, sickness, or whatever reason, they quickly seek out and try to attach to another adult to protect them.

Pain is subjective. You believe you exist in a painful world. While most likely you actually live a relatively comfortable existence, it doesn't seem like it to you. You most likely have a place to live, plenty of food, clothing, a cell phone, Internet access, the local coffee shop, etc. You are most likely free to walk the streets and pursue life in relative comfort, including the freedom to pursue relationships as you please.

Still, pain is relative. You see the world as painful and that is all that matters. And you see yourself as helpless. You have learned that you are incapable, that you have no value, that you are not worthwhile. So the fact that you live in safety and relative comfort is irrelevant. Given your view of pain and your view of being helpless, you immediately attach to anyone that shows a hint of interest in you.

The challenge... is that when people discover you see the world as full of pain and you the helpless soul, they run. At least most people will run, because most people don't need that type of drama in their life. Most people don't want to be the caretaker of a person that views the world as pain and themselves as helpless. Why? Why would they subject themselves to such a relationship?

Think of it another way. How can you ever be involved in a relationship if you are basically helpless and in need of being saved? Helpless people that are scared of the world are not attractive and not useful. People typically search for mutual support in a relationship. There are exceptions, but these are not easy to find and even then it typically doesn't last.

I think you need to seriously question your beliefs in a painful world and your lack of ability. As you challenge these beliefs and begin to understand that your world is full of opportunity and you have the ability to successfully navigate the world, then you will not feel such a strong need for attachment.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 9890
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 993

#2

Postby Beenwahiel2287 » Tue Jul 17, 2018 8:46 am

Thank you very much for your answer!
Beenwahiel2287
New Member
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu May 04, 2017 10:18 am
Likes Received: 0



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Psychology