unable to love

Postby empleat » Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:37 pm

Hello,
i suffer from depression and existential crisis and existential boredom.
It is complicated and my verbal intelligence is low, because i don't speak anywhere.
So i try make it shortest and simple as possible.
Basicly on macroscopis level, everthing is determined a lot, but it is proven quantum affect, even macroscopic particles.
Like birds, it tells them via some chemical substance in their brain where to fly, like a compass and there are theory that it affects even brain.
Yet another thing on macroscopis level everything is binary: light-dark, determined-undetermined.
While at quantum level, everything is random and probabilistic, there are multiple states, which particle can have, but even we can't measuer when particle will be doesn't necessairy mean, that everything isn't predetermined.
And at current time, it seems like your lifes is predetermined a lot with some random elements, which is just dice roll.
Also consider this, quantum mechanics catalyzes some chemical reactions, inside horses using enzymes, otherwise it woudn't take them i don't know how long.
And qunatum mechanics particle of light is on every possible place and somehow collapses in plant.
Even it can be everywhere, it ends up where plant is, depends, how was determined where that plant was, but still, it is pretty interesting, meaning it doesn't seem random at all at first look.
And fact is your inteligence is determined up to 90% from genes and environment is considered to play even more important role, also you didn't choose that you born and where and to which parents, you didn't chose environment.
It is not like your eyes are fluctuating from blue to brown every second and your height is pretty much determined by genes.
You could live optimaly and gain couple cm, but even decision to do so would be determined/random.
How there can be free will than, even there was some counsciousness like biocentrism and universe is only construct of mind, how was determined your preferences.
If i wasn't exist i coudn't choose anything, therefore something must be given to me first so i can choose.
My point is someone just borned superior, or got better dice roll.
And everyone wants just most for themselves, even altruism is expained, first in biology, because there are situations, where coop brings greater value to both sides, they if both sides alone worked to gain there reward, reference: Stag_hunt
So helping other feels good and energizing, because it is good for survival of species and he had to cooperate to survive, because there were animal treats and getting enough food.
Yet to altruism, most people stil belive in god, which is just guessing game, you have no proof, it is like to jump from window and hope you will survive, without previously knowing anything about gravity, you just don't know lol.
So they are affected by it a lot and they think, they will go to heaven if they help other and if not they will go to hell.
And than even non belivers have moral values, which are nothing more, than social construct, which stems from emotions, to sustain civilization, there are no ultimate moral standards, everything just is.
And, because like revolution, how it calls something in france 1700, because couple superiour being coudn't control mases anymore and people disliked, that are being treated like slaves.
It is exaplined even now, manipulation method i don't know how it calls, to influence public opinion and control masses.
There are truly awful people doing awful things and it doesn't even matter, universe will just freeze and everything after our dead deletes.
So people act altruistic because of moral values and than there is selfish altruism, if you work and make something like better medicine, more people will profit and make more and advanced stuff and which makes your life better, problem is not everyone see that this way and before investment you make returns to you, you will be dead probably.
So it is better to focus on yourself.
And people know, that they are gonna die and there will be probably nothing, or you don't know so it is guessing.
And even greatest predators suffer, hell you can suffer from multiple things, life your status isn't high enough, you didn't met right girl yet, whatever.
So why should i love some girl, because she would love me only because i borned superior to someone, it is fact that woman love man mainly, because of status and money, it is only logical, when woman was opresed by man and coudn't even get good jobs and had to care about family so had less time to work.
And womans are percieve femimine and submisive, which majority of them are and they want successfull man, which is confident and capable, which will also care for them.
Because, when they mary male with higher status it also rises their status.
Problem is woman until 30 looking for badass alpha male and after their 30 they want from alpha male to act as beta too, in order to care for family and make father
And if you have higher moral values and you have high status and money, even better.
And also you have to care for her and often call her, she wants to be worshiped, not literaly, but woman likes to tell she is pretty and be given gifts.
And you have to have something is common and tonns of other stuff.
Also attraction is affected by immunity system for example and you fall love all the sudden you don't know why, studies concluded you can fall love after like 38 question in one hour, because if you know someone you will fall love with them, he is right for you.
It is just biology nothing else.
How could i love someone, why i should care for her ?
She loves me only because of some combinations of genes and personality traits, heavily influenced by environments and because diceroll, i borned suprior to someone else.
I also feel sorry, for guy which are virgins in their 30, or feel envy some geniuses, they get admiration and date models.
And someone borned to africa and is forced to work in mines and they executed, which is horible, i can't even imagine from 1:20000 and i suffered three time torturing pain in my life, so i can know a little.
All atoms are indistinguishagle, she is no different than rock, if dice rolled differently, she would be three or something completely different, which may be just chance.
Love is just hormones and chemical substances in brain to promote sex and to sustain civilization, i don't know why we are programmed like that.
Logically i can't feel her pain, or her pleasuer, i can use empaty and imagine her imagine how she feels, but it will be still my pain occuring in my brain, or my pleasure.
How could i love somone, i cognitive dissonance, i want deply to love someone and care for them, but i just think, it is just biological need, that i am feeling, because i am alone.
And i coudn't forget what i know, i don't know how could i ever feel something to someone.
Usually when i say to someone life is pointless you gonna die, nothing matters, they say they don't think so and they have no argument, or nothing.
There are people, that just don't care, or live in ignorance and normal people don't think about it all time, because terror management theory, their defensive mechanics provide, diversion from certainty of death.
I don't really know what to say, some philantropist and everyone said he was nice gut, went to france on aniversary with his wife and was killed by terrorists.
You can save 10000 thousand lifes and than you die in fire for example because furuture is uncertain and it could be only random, or determined, so free will is just illusion and i don't belive in souls, which would alter human behaviour, scientist proved, there is nothing such as souls.
Even from biocentrism, if universe is just construct of consciousness, how consciousness come to its' preferences by freely, if you are not something is must be given to you in the first place for you to make another preferences.
We are currently seeying so little anyway, so we can't even imagine, or think different, but still it looks pretty grim, at the same time we know a lot, since before renesaince.
Yes and maybe i could still love someone, it just happens, you don't even know how, but still it will be for selfish reasons, because i don't want be alone, or i want her for companionship and sex.
But i could born in africa with iq 70 and die there to anything and woudn't have even sex ever for example, so how did i deserve that love, i coudn't even enjoy it, i did nothing and life is pointless i will die and so will she and it deletes and all we had will no matter and it will be like it never existed.
It is so cruel and depression and horrible, i currently don't feel anything, or just emotional pain alternatively.
I don't want anything.
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#1

Postby empleat » Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:55 pm

SORRY i have adhd and i forgot to check for mistakes before posting and it says i can't edit this anymore, so i will post it again........


Hello,
i suffer from depression and existential crisis and existential boredom.
It is complicated and my verbal intelligence is low, because i don't speak anywhere.
So i try make it shortest and simple as possible.
Basically on a macroscopis level, everything is determined a lot, but it is proven quantum mechanics affects, even things on macroscopic level.
Like birds, it tells them via some chemical substance in their brain where to fly, like a compass and there are theories - that qunatum mechanics affects even human brain.
Yet another thing on macroscopis level everything is binary: light-dark, determined-undetermined.
While at quantum level, everything is random and probabilistic, there are multiple states, which particle can have, but even we can't measure where particle will be. It doesn't necessairily means, that everything isn't predetermined.
Today times, it seems like your lifes is predetermined a lot with some random elements cause by QM, which is just dice roll.
Also consider this, quantum mechanics catalyzes some chemical reactions, inside horses using enzymes, otherwise it woudn't take them i don't know how long, to do what are supposed to do.
And qunatum particle of light is on every possible place and somehow collapses inside plant.
Even it can be everywhere, it ends up where plant is, depends, how was determined where that plant grow, but still, it is pretty interesting, meaning it doesn't seem random at all at first look at keast.
And fact is your inteligence is determined up to 90% from genes and environment is considered to play even more important role, also you didn't choose that you born and where and to which parents, you didn't chose environment.
It is not like your eyes are fluctuating from blue to brown every second and your height is pretty much determined by genes.
You could live optimaly and gain couple cm, but even decision to do so would be determined/random.
How there can be free will than, even there was some counsciousness like biocentrism and universe is only construct of mind, how was determined it's preferences.
If i didn't exist i coudn't choose anything, therefore something must be given to me first, before i can choose.
My point is someone just borned superior, or got better dice roll.
And everyone wants just most for themselves, even altruism is expained, first in biology, because there are situations, where cooperation brings greater value to both sides, they if both sides worked alone to gain same reward, reference: Stag_hunt
So helping others feels good and energizing, because it is good for survival of species and we had to cooperate to survive, because there were animal threats and challenge of getting enough food.
Yet to altruism, most people stil belive in god, which is just guessing game, you have no proof, it is like to jump from window and hope you will survive, without previously knowing anything about gravity, you just don't know lol.
So they are affected by it a lot, in a way how they think, they will go to heaven if they help others and if not they will go to hell if not.
And than even non belivers have moral values, which are nothing more, than social construct, which stems from emotions, to sustain civilization, there are no ultimate moral standards, everything just is.
And, because like revolution, how it calls something in france 1700, because couple superiour beings coudn't control mases anymore and people disliked, that are being treated like slaves.
It is exaplined even now, manipulation method i don't know how it calls, to influence public opinion and control masses.
There are truly awful people doing awful things and it doesn't even matter, universe will just freeze and everything after our dead deletes.
So people act altruistic because of moral values and than there is selfish altruism, if you work more for others and make something like better medicine, more people will profit and make more and advanced stuff, which will make your life better, problem is not everyone sees that this way and before investment you make pays off, you will be dead probably.
So it is better to focus on yourself.
And people know, that they are gonna die and there will be probably nothing, or you don't know so it is guessing.
And even greatest predators suffer, hell you can suffer from multiple things in life, not just diseases and pain, e.g. your status isn't high enough, you didn't met right girl yet, whatever.
So why should i love some girl, because she would love me only because i borned superior to someone, it is fact that woman love man mainly, because of status and money, it is only logical, when woman was opresed by man and coudn't even get good jobs and had to care about family so had less time to work.
And womans are percieve femimine and submisive, which majority of them are and they want successfull man, which is confident and capable, which will also care for them.
Because, when they mary male with higher status it also rises their status.
So when woman is like kickboxer, or something it is even more admired, because she is not expected to.
Problem is womans are looking until 30 for badass alpha male and after their 30 they want from alpha male to act as beta a little bit too, in order to care for family and make good father.
And if you have higher moral values and you have high status and money, even better, everything steams from evolution, biology and culture, i don't see myself, even as one, more life part of a complex system, which is changing itself.
And also you have to care for her and often call her, she wants to be worshiped, not literaly, but woman likes to tell she is pretty and be given gifts.
And you have to have something is common and tonns of other stuff.
Also attraction is affected by immunity system for example and you fall love all the sudden you don't know why, studies concluded you can fall love after like 38 question in one hour, because if you know someone you will fall love with them, he is right for you.
It is just biology nothing else.
How could i love someone, why i should care for her ?
She loves me only because of some combinations of genes and personality traits, heavily influenced by environments and because dice roll, i borned superior to someone else.
I also feel sorry, for guys which are virgins in their 30, or feel envy some geniuses, they get admiration and date models.
And someone borned to africa and is forced to work in mines and they executed, which is horible, i can't even imagine from 1:20000 and i suffered three time torturing pain in my life, so i can know a little.
All atoms are indistinguishagle, she is no different than rock, if dice rolled differently, she would be three or something completely different, which may be just chance.
Love is just hormones and chemical substances in brain to promote sex and to sustain civilization, i don't know why we are programmed like that, like space evolves from some reactions, life evolved from extremelly low chance of idel conditions.
It just is,
Logically i can't feel her pain, or her pleasure, i can use empaty and imagine how she feels, but it will be still my pain occuring in my brain, or my pleasure.
How could i love someone, i have cognitive dissonance, i want deply to love someone and care for them, but i just think, it is just biological need, that i am feeling it, because i am alone.
And i coudn't forget what i know, i don't know how could i ever feel something to someone, when i know what i know.
Usually when i say to someone life is pointless you gonna die, nothing matters, they say they don't think so and they have no argument, or nothing.
There are people, that just don't care, or live in ignorance and normal people don't think about it all time, because terror management theory, their defensive mechanics provide, diversion from certainty of death.
It is to horrible and little of people can bear it if any.
I don't really know what to say, some philantropist and everyone said he was nice guy, went to france on aniversary with his wife and was killed by terrorists.
You can save 10000 thousand lives and than you die in fire for examplem because furuture is uncertain and it could be just random coinflipp, or determined, which is even worse, in case of random you have at least chance, so free will is just illusion and i don't belive in souls, which would alter human behaviour, scientist proved, there is nothing such as souls.
Even from biocentrism, if universe is just construct of consciousness, how consciousness come to its' preferences by freely, if you are not something is must be given to you in the first place for you to make another preferences.
We are currently seeying so little anyway, so we can't even imagine, or think different, but still it looks pretty grim, at the same time we know a lot, since renesaince for example.
Yes and maybe i could still love someone, it just happens, you don't even know how, but still it will be for selfish reasons, because i don't want be alone, or i want her for companionship and sex.
But i could born in africa with iq 70 and die there to anything and woudn't have even sex ever for example, so how did i deserve that love, i coudn't probably enjoy it, i did nothing and life is pointless. I will die and so will she and it deletes and all we had will no matter what, it will be like it never existed.
It is so cruel and depressing and horrible, i currently don't feel anything, or just emotional pain alternatively.
I don't want anything.
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#2

Postby n01 » Mon Jul 16, 2018 9:37 pm

>I don't want anything.

That's a lie.

You don't want pain. You don't want to be isolated all your life, sharing nothing. You don't want your life to be meaningless. There are countless things that you have a preference for over some worse alternative for your experience of living. So be honest about it.
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#3

Postby Candid » Tue Jul 17, 2018 8:39 am

A lot of intellectualising about how awful life is. I'm going to take issue with only one part of your post.

empleat wrote:it is fact that woman love man mainly, because of status and money


This 'fact' has been repeated many times on this forum. The forum isn't a males-only space, it's a place for women as well.

It isn't your lack of money and prestige that turns women away from you; it's the beliefs you have about women. We're not fundamentally different from you.

Both genders look for the best marriage partner they can find. Criteria for that is individual choice.

Women do not 'love' men for status and money. Some women (like some men) make status a priority. I'm thinking of Anna Nicole Smith, a buxom beauty who married a shrivelled-up billionaire on his last legs, when she was 26 and he was 89. J. Howard Marshall was clearly no dummy; he knew what the deal was and made a free choice.

There are also many women who marry men with less money and fewer financial prospects than themselves. I'm one of them. In all my relationships I look for connectedness, shared values, inspiration, people whose company feels good.

Your very long posts have a kind of curled-lip contempt in them. You don't like people... and yet you are one. In order to hide some unpalatable truths from yourself, you flee to intellectualising and catch-all judgments.

You titled your thread 'unable to love'. If that's a problem for you, I suggest you start by loving yourself. A perceived lack of resources (money, status) is no reason to beat yourself up, or sneer at what other people are doing. It's a reason to be kinder to yourself -- and by that I don't mean telling yourself what a clever fellow you are for presenting unassailable 'facts' that life is unremittingly horrible and women are gold-digging whores.

You're what I call a cynic: someone who's permanently miserable but at least he was right.

It's your only handicap. Think about it from the point of view of the women who turn you down. Why would any one of them want to be with someone who has no resources AND holds women in contempt?

If you were a billionaire you could afford to be contemptuous. You'd be able to do a J. Howard Marshall and BUY as many pairs of big tits as you liked. Whether you could live with them or yourself is another matter.

If all you have to offer is yourself, you'd better be sure of your product. The only people who want to hear your present ideas about women are other rejected men who have already reached the same conclusions.
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#4

Postby empleat » Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:29 am

There are also many women who marry men with less money and fewer financial prospects than themselves. I'm one of them. In all my relationships I look for connectedness, shared values, inspiration, people whose company feels good.


Yes but noone wants to marry loser.
Statistically woman are looking for higher education: bachelor degree+ than man in their partners.
And by statistics woman prefer status and money in man, more than man in woman.
I only just tried to say, that's a fact, of course it is not just it, there are 20 milion another variables, but at the same time it matters a lot.
And it is hard to find woman like that.

If you were a billionaire you could afford to be contemptuous. You'd be able to do a J. Howard Marshall and BUY as many pairs of big tits as you liked. Whether you could live with them or yourself is another matter.

If all you have to offer is yourself, you'd better be sure of your product. The only people who want to hear your present ideas about women are other rejected men who have already reached the same conclusions.


Sadly i know right, i coudn't afford acting like this, issue is i have adhd and i sometimes say something impulsively, without context of 20 things, or different way than i think exactly, because my verbal intelligence is very low, i don't speak anywhere, so i don't have practice, but there are statistics and facts steming from evolution and sociology, that money and status and education, plays a imporant role and looks. I don't even feel contemptment, they didn't choose how they born, i don't blame them at all, maybe it sounded like i do, but i don't really blame them at all, especially, i think free will isn't. There are some ugly man for example, getting gorgerous woman, because everything is not black and white and they have to try harder in other ways.

When it comes to love, i would like to care about someone unconditionally, or wish there was some noble reasons to care about someone, or help someone.
But i dismantled love to bilion pieces and when you see 20000 facts and from each of them another 20000 until infinity, your concept of love isn't that pretty, when you know how it works.
You would have to have iq 250-300 and photographic memory, to mathematically make equation for love and exactly how it is, what matters more, or less, what is more genes and looks, than you personality and effort, and 20000 antoher things
whatever.
Adhd takes to much processing power and i lived unhelathy as .... i have iq 111, which surprised me, i expected like 100 maybe less, i destroyed my memory and i have chronic pain.
Thing is i don't even like love anymore, why should i care, it is just determined/random.
No intelligent person could enjoy this trash....
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#5

Postby Candid » Tue Jul 17, 2018 10:24 am

empleat wrote:Yes but noone wants to marry loser.


You aren't a loser until you're dead or you declare 'game over'. Loser isn't a permanent designation. You can -- if you want to, that is -- turn things around.

Statistically woman are looking for higher education: bachelor degree+ than man in their partners.
And by statistics woman prefer status and money in man, more than man in woman.


Do you want to marry a statistical woman? I doubt one exists. Are you a statistical man?

there are 20 milion another variables, but at the same time it matters a lot.
And it is hard to find woman like that.


It's hard to find any woman at all who'll give you the time of day when it's your belief that women are interested only in financial resources, and you haven't got any. Put it this way, if you were a woman, would you date a man like you? If so, why?

i have adhd and i sometimes say something impulsively, without context of 20 things, or different way than i think exactly, because my verbal intelligence is very low, i don't speak anywhere, so i don't have practice...


This seems to be your chief problem. You've become (or always were) painfully isolated. Isolation gives people a very skewed vision of the world. For example, people who become bedridden often spend a lot of time reading newspapers or looking at online media. Since the 'news' is overwhelmingly negative, they then become frightened of the outside world.

It really isn't that bad 'out here', but you can't know that until you put yourself in the game and start playing.

but there are statistics and facts steming from evolution and sociology, that money and status and education, plays a imporant role and looks.


Of course. Like I said, everyone chooses what they want from the smorgasbord of life. Anna Nicole Smith chose money and status. Mother Teresa chose to work among the poorest of the poor. She didn't do that to make herself miserable, you know. It was what she wanted.

There's every kind of woman in between. All we're doing, every man and woman, is choosing what we believe will make us happy. Being happy is almost entirely a matter of self-esteem. Far better to aim for that kind of happiness, then what you want becomes clear.

As things stand, the subtext of your messages here is that you're lonely and would like a partner in your life (as do most people) while the overt text is all the reasons why you can't have one.

There are some ugly man for example, getting gorgerous woman, because everything is not black and white and they have to try harder in other ways.


I don't think 'trying', much less trying 'harder', is the way forward. I honestly believe that valuing yourself and realising you have a lot to offer will first, make you feel a lot better about yourself, life, and Other People; and second, bring to you the kind of people you'll get on with.

i would like to care about someone unconditionally...


This is the romantic rookie mistake of someone who hasn't been able to put himself out there in the world. Forget unconditional. Sometimes the contract changes. The notion of unconditional love is what keeps millions of women returning to violent partners.

The only person you must have unconditional love for is yourself. That's my main message to you, because it will be a life-changer. Start thinking in this way and up will pop all the things you don't love about yourself. Then you can change what can be changed, accept what can't.

... or wish there was some noble reasons to care about someone, or help someone.


There's nothing wrong with this goal, and there are plenty of aid agencies that will welcome you with open arms if you want to volunteer your time.

A caveat here: lots of people (perhaps unconsciously) look for someone worse off than themselves to 'help' as a way of avoiding their own shortcomings, ie. to feel superior. To start with it boosts self-esteem, and that's never a bad thing. However, a relationship based on one person being helpless and the other playing rescuer is doomed to failure, and likely to make matters worse for both parties. It's safer to choose a cause that matters to you... if there is one.

But i dismantled love to bilion pieces and when you see 20000 facts and from each of them another 20000 until infinity, your concept of love isn't that pretty, when you know how it works.


With respect, you won't know how it works until you learn to love yourself, from which all good proceeds. You can't eat the picture of a chocolate cake, you need to assemble the ingredients and follow the recipe. All this dismantling and philosophising is getting you precisely nowhere other than to entrench a .dismal worldview.

Skip the genius IQ and photographic memory. When you find love for yourself, another person or a compassionate movement, none of that will matter.

No intelligent person could enjoy this trash....


Are you referring to yourself as trash? Or the conversation we're having?

Time to get on your own side and stay out of other people's heads, my friend.
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#6

Postby quietvoice » Tue Jul 17, 2018 11:22 am

Candid wrote:
empleat wrote:it is fact that woman love man mainly, because of status and money

This 'fact' has been repeated many times on this forum. The forum isn't a males-only space, it's a place for women as well.

Women who can, due to their beauty and personality, get the men who have the status and power and money, will get them

Men who can, due to their status and power and money, get the beautiful women, will get them.

Everyone else gets the leftovers, however it works out among them. It doesn't stop a woman from looking for a man to take care of her financially, or a man from looking for the better looking gals, but when it comes to marriage, one needs to be more realistic about what can be had if one isn't in the "top" tier of beauty or bucks.

Companionability would make the best relationships, I think. How good of a companion would you make someone? First, make you a good companion for you.


empleat wrote:and i have chronic pain

YouTube channel: Robert Morse ND
YouTube channel: John Rose
Have a go at these two channels.
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#7

Postby Deltoplan » Sat Aug 18, 2018 12:39 pm

Hello,
Do you want to change anything about that (about yourself, your life, the World around - anything)? If yes - what exactly?
If not - what is the aim and motive of this publication?
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