Should I feel pity for my dad or get angry?

Postby thedaughter25 » Wed Jul 18, 2018 10:25 am

My dad and mom had been separated since I was five years old. When I started schooling, my mom decided to work abroad for my finances. She went to a foreign country to support my needs. My dad on the other hand, is just fooling around. By the time that I graduated and got myself a job, he always asks for money. He does not have a stable job, so that’s why. One time, it was my birthday. He came to my grandma’s house to surprise me with his presence. I understand that he wasn’t able to bring anything because he doesn’t have a job. When he asked me for money again on my birthday, I felt bad. He said he’s already working as a construction worker and that he needed money for allowance. As a daughter, I gave him money that can suffice until his next payday. I don’t know if I should feel angry or pitiful for him. I mean, he should have worked hard for himself rather than fooling around with some of his friends. For almost 17 years, he was like that. It does not mean he won’t work at all just because I give him money whenever he asks.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jul 18, 2018 11:55 am

How you should feel is irrelevant to what action you should take. You should stop giving this man money.

You can feel any range of emotions. You can pity, be angry, even care or love a person and you are still do not give them money. It is not your job or responsibility to provide money.
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#2

Postby thedaughter25 » Thu Jul 19, 2018 1:52 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:How you should feel is irrelevant to what action you should take. You should stop giving this man money.

You can feel any range of emotions. You can pity, be angry, even care or love a person and you are still do not give them money. It is not your job or responsibility to provide money.


I agree with you. Maybe I should stop giving him money so he would be disciplined. Thank you for the advice!
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Jul 19, 2018 2:59 pm

thedaughter25 wrote: Maybe I should stop giving him money
.....so he would be disciplined.


So that he would be disciplined? No.

Your role is daughter, not parent, not guardian, not caretaker. You stop giving him money to make yourself more disciplined. How your father behaves is not your concern.
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