5 weeks off weed: My Story

Postby Astro413 » Sat Jul 21, 2018 3:36 pm

Hey guys I’ve been reading this forum for nearly the last five weeks and I’d like to share my story in hopes someone has similar experience that can help guide me. Get ready for a long one. First I’d like to make it clear that I have never suffered from any anxiety or depression before. I am 20 turning 21 this Tuesday and I don’t think I’ll be doing much partying. I got into weed at the age of 17, just out of curiosity. My friends were doing it and like most young impressionable minds I figured why not. It was just an occasiaonal thing and It wasn’t constant maybe like once every other weekend. I do have a heart condition and although I’m non-symptomatic it influenced me to stop smoking. Fast forward a year and I graduated high school. There’s honestly nothing to do in my hometown other than going to watch a movie so my friend and I decided to start smoking (another friend). This ended up becoming an every night thing, it was fun and like mentioned there was just nothing else to do other than sit around being bored. Keep in mind I was still cautions of my condition so I wasn’t getting blazed off my a$$ but this is really where the habit started. I moved off to college, actually very fortunately I didn’t have to stay in a dorm. My parents owned a house in the neighboring town where I lived with my dog but my habit didn’t stop. It got worse, with my newfound freedom I started smoking all day every day, the only time I wasn’t smoking was when I was in class or at work, it wasn’t affecting my grades so I figured why not, it’s fun. This went on for about a semester and eventually I just got tired of feeling tired and shitty all the time so I stopped smoking all day and reserved it for nights only or on weekends when friends came over. I never realized how introverted I had became but looking back now I realize I had no interest in meeting new people or making friends although I was still on top of my sh!t. After the school year ended I went back to my hometown (back into my parents) to make better money and doing so I had to drastically cut back on my smoking. So instead of having sessions I started having one puff before bed. I didn’t notice any changes at first but as a couple weeks went by I started noticing that basically any negative headline or comment that had been made would make me really sad and I didn’t know why. At first I thought it was because of my change in scenery but then realized that the weed (or lack of) was making me feel this way. Immediately I quit, I noticed I had a bad habit that wasn’t healthy for me and threw away everything I had (a pipe, 10.5 grams) and immediately everything went downhill and I became violently ill with what I thought was a stomach flu. Violently puking up everything I ate/drank, diarrhea, etc. and couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. This lasted for about two weeks before I finally figured out I was going through withdrawals. I’ve dealt and am dealing with depersonalization, the whole “living in a movie” phase has passed but I find it very hard to make conversation with people often responding with short answers, and I have no sense of humor. My sleep has improved (I’m actually getting 6-7 hours) but I always wake up very restless and with anxiety and I still go through very depressive spells, as well as having headaches, fatigue, and burning red eyes basically daily. But the most troubling part by far is my anxiety. Sadly the same week I quit was the week that Anthony bourdain ended his own life and normally this would not have bothered me at all but for whatever reason this keeps popping into my head and it will not stop, it’s even gotten to the point that I start having thoughts of people I’ve known in the past that are depressed and the word “suicide” keeps popping into my head. All of which are not my own thoughts. It’s almost as if it’s a phobia and I sat through this for three weeks trying to figure out what it meant to me which was very troubling, which believe me it still is but I know it’s just my brain trying to get me to smoke. Distractions like tv or video games are able to take my mind off it but as soon as I’m off the anxiety revs up again. I’ve also questioned whether or not I’ve had basically every mental disease in the book and in general I have to stay off social media because everybody is “depressed” nowadays which, you guessed it, triggers my anxiety which only leads up to me getting angry/irritated with myself. I’ve started CBD oil this past week and honestly I’m not sure if it’s helping or if I’m making actual progress. I does seem that since I’ve started my anxiety and depressive spells have toned down in severity but that issues such as headaches, restlessness, DP, etc are still prevalent. Tomorrow marks 5 weeks (36 days) for me and I understand that I may or may not have a ways to go but I only smoked daily for about a year and a half before quitting cold turkey. So if anybody has a story similar to mind or just wants to throw some emotional support my way it will gladly be taken, I honestly just want reassurance that this is something I’ll be able to put behind me and forget about honestly.

P.S. I know most people say they have intrusive/obsessive thoughts but don’t say what they were. I have simply because this is the most troubling part of this whole ordeal and I want you guys to know what is going on inside my head.

P.P.S I have been drinking coffee in the mornings (one cup) but I have strayed away from all alcohol and other than the CBD I am not taking any supplements and really do not wish to do so.
Astro413
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#1

Postby Astro413 » Sat Jul 21, 2018 6:11 pm

Again I’d like to apologize for such a long initial post, I can say though at first I wasn’t sure I was giving up the Jazz cabbage forever but after these last few weeks and seeing how they have made me feel physically and emotionally I can confidently say I will never touch it again. I’ve even turned down the opportunity 5 times since quitting, so I guess that’s a good sign.
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#2

Postby Astro413 » Sat Jul 21, 2018 10:06 pm

I would like to say as well that waking up this morning I actually had a smile on my face, I don’t know why (every other morning I have woken up to anxiety and racing thoughts) but it was nice despite my restlessness. My legs immediately started itching to move but overall felt nice. The intrusive thoughts have seem to have subsided at least for today but I did find myself seemingly irritable in the large crowd I was in while tubing, certainly wouldn’t have been the case had I drank a few beers but staying clean of everything until this is over with!
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#3

Postby Cali-Detroit » Sun Jul 22, 2018 1:41 am

Jazz cabbage?!? Yep, def time to quit.

All seriousness, good for you for making the call very, very early in your life. There's some evidence that heavy use can bring about mental illness issues that may not have otherwise presented themselves, especially since you're brain is still developing. It might be something to watch. I think you'll be fine though. Focus on everything else but getting fked up. Weed isn't going anywhere, but neither does anyone who let's it rule them.
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#4

Postby Astro413 » Sun Jul 22, 2018 3:51 am

Cali-Detroit wrote:Jazz cabbage?!? Yep, def time to quit.

All seriousness, good for you for making the call very, very early in your life. There's some evidence that heavy use can bring about mental illness issues that may not have otherwise presented themselves, especially since you're brain is still developing. It might be something to watch. I think you'll be fine though. Focus on everything else but getting fked up. Weed isn't going anywhere, but neither does anyone who let's it rule them.

First, thanks for your reply I’ve read your story myself.

Yea the party scene has never really appealed to much to me, it’s fun every once in a while but honestly the idea makes me look the other way. Weed was just my thing to kind of wind down and relax and didn’t realize it was a habit until it was too late.

That being said (assuming you read the full post) are these symptoms normal? The intrusive thoughts are the most troubling to me by far and are my main concern. Although I must say they only happened very briefly today and I was able to brush them off easily which has not been the case up until now.
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#5

Postby Cali-Detroit » Sun Jul 22, 2018 4:39 am

I can relate completely. I never could get the scene myself, and was never a drinker. But I immediately loved weed and thought it would help ease the social discomfort I had always felt. Spoiler:. Mind altering psychedelics applied to developing minds does not solve shyte. It just created new problems, which of course were treated with....more weed. You get the idea. Save yourself 20 years of nonsense and be somebody.

As far as the the thoughts, well the mind is a complex piece of machinery that we really don't understand very well. Even our best and brightest still haven't gained much traction, truth be told. Did you have these kinds of thoughts before you got into this drug mode? You're young enough to remember (hopefully) with considerable clarity who you were before you started down this road. Think hard on that.

I personally do remember having very troubling thoughts even before I smoked, so maybe there was an element of self medication involved. That doesn't mean I didn't end up exacerbating the situation by abusing weed.

Only you know, and thankfully it's a great time to get sorted out. Honestly, if you do nothing else in the next few years, get your mental health sorted out. It will affect absolutely every aspect of your life, for fking ever, til you die. And as you get older, it will get harder and life will creep in and start to grind on you.
Everything from personal relationships, career goals, dreams, aspirations, family, children, all the things that make a person. Get your head straight now.

Maybe it was just the weed after all, and you'll be fine in a year. Maybe it's deeper, idk. But you do. Always tell yourself "I don't have much time" even now, when you think you do.
It's a luxury most people waste. It all happens so fast, and there comes a point when windows close, and they close for good. And that shyte is hard to accept. And it's even harder knowing you could've done something about it, but didn't.

Anyways, trust yourself. More often than not, we know what's right. I think you do too.

Good luck
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#6

Postby Astro413 » Sun Jul 22, 2018 12:58 pm

Yea know this stuff never happened before I smoked but a bunch of “Worldly” event took place the same week I quit and seems to be driving my anxiety.
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#7

Postby Astro413 » Sun Jul 22, 2018 1:11 pm

Another thing, I never smoked to escape anything. I did simply because I liked it and it relaxed me honestly not knowing what it does to you. The whole weed culture thing completely idolizes weed and doesn’t tell you any of the negatives and frankly I just never though do look it up on my own until I quit and started going through this.
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#8

Postby Cali-Detroit » Sun Jul 22, 2018 4:38 pm

Ok so that simplifies things.

It's the drugs. The end.

Shyte is stronger than ever, and your right, it's more accepted and celebrated than ever before. So you found out it's not for you, and you nipped it in the bud. Now you get to avoid all the stories you've read about on here and get on with life. This is good news.

You may have a few more months of readjustment to get back to normal, maybe longer, but then you'll be back to normal.

If mental issues persist beyond 6 months, I'd address that then. I'm thinking you'll be fine.

You dodged a bullet, nice work. Life will be throwing many more at you, so get ready!

Peace
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#9

Postby Astro413 » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:10 pm

Again thanks for your reply, actually as I sit here right now I actually feel pretty good, woke up today with some racing thoughts, a little nervousness, and restless legs again but since I’ve just been kinda foggy, not sad, not happy, just here. But this is quite a bit better than where I was two weeks ago and your responses and others on this forum have helped me realize that. I’ll continue to read up since it’s comforting and at this point seriously doubt I need any medical counseling. Again thanks, and good luck in your fight as well!
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#10

Postby Astro413 » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:18 pm

I will add on one last thing and I’m sure just about everybody else is or has going through this but I have determined that getting out of your own head and just living in the present moment is the hardest part of all of this. Even when sitting and focusing on my favorite show or taking my dog for a walk on a beautiful nature trail you get those intrusive thoughts or images or you start thinking to yourself and then you get trapped. Simply telling yourself to stop is way easier than actually doing so and usually leads to one of those lingering headaches or a brief episode of anxiety (which 2 weeks ago would have lasted all day). I’m going to give this meditation thing a try since everybody else seems to benefit from it.
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#11

Postby Astro413 » Wed Jul 25, 2018 12:52 am

Hey guys I realize this is the wrong forum but it gets the most attention in my opinion so forgive me. I am currently 6 weeks off weed and while my use was not as drastic in terms of timeframe as the majority of others here I was a daily smoker for 1.5-2 years and am very much going through PAWS, although things do seem to be getting slightly better by the week (depression, general anxiety, very little personality, no sense of humor, headaches, etc. you guys know) and have never had any mental issues. My question is how do you know/feel when paws is over and done with for good? I’ve read that it feels like a rope around your neck with an anchor attached to it has been lifted, but reading these forums everyone just says they feel better. Do you wake up one day feeling like a new person, do the symptoms just go away and you forget about them? I’m sure you can tell this is troubling for me as it is everyone else experiencing it and my curiosity has gotten the better of me (which could be a good thing). This is my 21st birthday and instead of getting trashed I am focused on regaining my mental health, so as a gift to me please share your insight. Again I do not mean to hijack your forum but this is a question for those who have not only seen benefits but who have successfully overcome PAWS.
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