Sexual Frustration

Postby BigLB45 » Mon Jul 23, 2018 5:51 am

Hey guys, I’m a 17 year old male who has been experiencing some recent sexual frusteration and would love for some input. I’ve only had one real girlfriend, and it was with her that I experienced a mental block that I just can’t seem to shake. We never did anything more than make out, though I did see her naked and we laid together in bed a few times. I just remember one day, after we’d made out in each other’s cars a few times, she told me to come over when nobody was at her house. So I went over, pretty nervous, and we went to her room. All we did was make out but I remember having trouble getting erect. I kept telling myself in my mind that I should be getting erect and I was thinking wth why can’t I get up. So this lead to anxiety that I wouldn’t be able to get up when I was with her. I’m very confident about my body so I’m pretty sure it’s not a insecure thing btw. In non serious settings with little sexual implications or we were just making out and nothing more I was able to get erect. Another instance is on a New Years party. We made out a little at her house before the party and I was erect. Then on the way there she told me we were gonna make a pit stop. She gave too much time to think about the situation, and we were in a secluded area where her intentions were to give me oral sex. I wanted it, but I had this frusterated feeling in my brain and no matter how much i tried to enjoy her, I couldn’t. This would honestly lead me to putting pressure on myself every time I saw her not to **** up. This also lead me to doubt my sexuality which is a ridiculous thing to do. After we broke up this sexual anxiety faded with time and I was able to masturbate daily no problem even though I still had reoccurring doubts every once in a while. Eventually I was craving a potential partner again. I recently met this girl who is absolutely stunning. She is nice, beautiful face, thick and curvy, she’s just my type. I’ve masturbated to her on several occasions and after our first date, and I had no trouble being aroused by her. But that sexual frustration still lurked in the back of my mind, and I knew it was there and I was just praying it wouldn’t come back. Recently i went on a double date with her. Spent some time with her and when I took her home we stopped to make out. We made out for 20-30 min and for the first 10-15 I was having the time of my life. Feeling her beautiful body and had no trouble being erect. But then for some reason my f***ing mind started to think. Then this frusterated feeling hit my head. It’s like a constant buzz that won’t go away and I kept saying in my mind “just enjoy her you idiot she’s the goddamn most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen” but it’s like my mind just hit a switch and was like that’s it, your happiness is over, you’ve had a preview but you can never have the whole thing, and I just couldn’t get erect. I really like this girl and she’s at camp for a week now so it gives me time to pull myself together, but how do I get over this mental block? I want to so bad but every time I think about it it’s just this block in my brain that makes me doubt things about myself and just want it to be gone and to enjoy this beautiful girl. Any input would help, thanks in advance.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jul 23, 2018 1:49 pm

You get over it by being willing to be honest with other people. A big part of the mental pressure is this idea that you can’t say anything to the woman your with, that for some reason it is better to try and hide the issue than to be open.

Come up with an if/then plan. IF you find yourself struggling to become erect, THEN explain to her that you have thought of her without issue, that she definitely makes you hard, but that she is so attractive it makes you a bit nervous.

Having a plan to tell her will reduce the upfront pressure, so you may never need to use it. But, if having a plan doesn’t work and you end up struggling, then using the plan and including her in the conversation is a much better option than trying to hide the issue from her.
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Postby Livetowin » Mon Jul 30, 2018 11:55 am

I would be careful spending too much time achieving this when she is NOT there, because then you create environmental conditioning that is only responsive when certain conditions are established. I suspect you do okay when she's not there because you hon in on what you actually like about her which takes the pressure off you. What you should do is take those ideas when you have been alone and apply them to her when she is there. You have to get off this compare and contrast moment because its feedings your mentality to think about it. Merge the two and don't think about it. Mr. Happy will rises from the ashes.
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