Ignoring people to be happier

Postby CatLoverJada » Wed Jul 25, 2018 9:02 pm

In order to be happy, I need to stop caring what others think of me, good or bad.

With the good things and compliments, I can take them and I will, but I shouldn’t and won’t try to get them (wanting to get praised is wanting other’s opinions).

With the negative things and insults, I want to be able to dismiss them and not think of them to where it would make me depressed. I want to be able to ignore the insults and go about my day. With girls (I’m a girl too), they’re just jealous for whatever reason. Or some don’t have lives. (I know it’s high school but come on...)

The boys... I don’t know. I know one boy that wants to be girl, hangs out with only girls, acts like a girl and talks like a girl, he picks on lots of girls, including me. Except, I don’t want to tolerate him and I don’t. I just show an attitude with him. He’s the one who always, always starts sh**. It’s annoying. Not other boys of course act like this, so if you know why, please tell.

Some people also just want my attention. Like how some whisper and talk and stare nonstop. They want to see me react, but I don’t. I’ve trained myself over the years to not look at people when walking by. Just keep my eyes in front of me and on where I’m going or going to get, and that’s it. I don’t make any facial expression (or try not to). If I want to talk, I just kind of talk to myself to make sure that I don’t make any significant facial expression.

I want to be able to stay in my own world and block out everyone’s negativity. Any ideas how?

My ideas: building confidence and getting higher self esteem, getting more hobbies and interests, reading or something to make myself forget my surroundings. Somehow...
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Jul 26, 2018 12:04 am

CatLoverJada wrote:In order to be happy, I need to stop caring what others think of me, good or bad.


Yes. An absolutely great philosophy....almost.

I'm a few decades older than you, so I have had some years to refine and apply the philosophy. I learned close to your age that no matter what you do it will never please everyone. Therefore, I just started to live my values and my happiness was based on my personal opinion of whether or not I was true to myself. As long as I am doing what I believe is right and with integrity, I'm happy. I don't really give a damn what anyone else thinks...except...

You have to be open to criticism. If you knew me or if you were to take the time to read through some of my responses in here you would see there are plenty of people that hate the advice I provide and they make sure and let me know it. I respect that. And I totally get it, that how I provide advice is not always full of the warm fuzzies people want to hear.

I don't ignore the criticism and I don't avoid the criticism. I embrace it and I do reflect and try to improve. I don't see criticism as a negative. I also don't see failure as a negative. Both criticism and failure are positives! It means I'm engaged in life, that I'm participating and not hiding or shrinking from the world.

I want to be able to stay in my own world and block out everyone’s negativity. Any ideas how?

My ideas: building confidence and getting higher self esteem, getting more hobbies and interests, reading or something to make myself forget my surroundings. Somehow...


Shrinking from the world or staying in your own world is where I caution you. Your ideas are great and I encourage everyone, including you to have a healthy dose of "me time" but these are meant to help you reflect and recharge, not to hide. Me time is for revising and refreshing your philosophy and then to get back out there.

A philosopher I respect, Seneca, says the best approach is to be the person that can be alone in the middle of a huge crowd. It is this person that experiences and participates in life without getting caught up in the drama.

My advice is for you to deliberately engage in your surroundings. Get out of your comfort zone as this is how confidence is built. Confidence is not built by isolation, but engagement.

I use the term deliberate, because it is controlled, measured, calculated. You deliberately walk down the hall, look people in the eyes and say hello. Later you can retreat and deliberately give yourself some "me time" to reflect and recharge.

And start a journal. Write down some deliberate, small goals or "comfort challenges" that help you participate socially. Have a goal to attend a party, join a club, etc. Use the journal to then reflect on your progress.
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