Work related worries 2

#90

Postby Candid » Thu Jan 31, 2019 7:48 am

Hold that thought. Istanbul has all the things you want. Just keep thinking about that.

You hate your job with the tax office. They keep moving you around, so it's impossible for you to create long-term friendships, and there's no point trying to find a girlfriend. You're always worried you've done something wrong. You're scared of being found out, and perhaps losing this job you hate so much, and that's keeping you away from home. This is madness! By choosing not to quit, you're setting yourself up for increasing misery until you're an old man and can't do it any more. Then you'll be dismissed, and you'll have nothing. Nothing at all.

Now go back to "that would be great".

It will be great to tell your manager: "I need to be available to my mother in Istanbul. I'll be leaving this job on [name the date]. I'll put that in writing and have it on your desk by the end of today."

It will be great to pack up your stuff and move back to Istanbul, where your mother wants you.

It will be great to catch up with old friends, and casually ask whether they know of any jobs.

There's no need to think further ahead than that, because you don't know what Istanbul has in store for you. You just know it will be better than this, right?

You also know what the tax office has in store for you: more of the same. More work, more worry, more being moved from place to place so you can never feel anything other than anxious and lonely.

Choose the adventure, desperate. Choose the greater possibility of a job that suits you, where you're treated with respect. You already told your manager you need to move to Istanbul. He's given you the equivalent of: "Tough luck!"

You need to act, right away. Your mother, your friends on the forum and your own good judgement are all telling you to get back to where you belong. Even the tax office, in its own ghastly way, is telling you you don't need to be here any more.

Just. do. it.
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#91

Postby desperate788 » Thu Jan 31, 2019 7:55 am

My manager isn't the matter central management will assign and it has a legal procedure I must get a paper about my father's illness from a hospital. Whatever I won't be able to do that I'm hardly coming to work
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#92

Postby Candid » Thu Jan 31, 2019 8:09 am

desperate788 wrote:My manager isn't the matter central management will assign and it has a legal procedure I must get a paper about my father's illness from a hospital. Whatever I won't be able to do that I'm hardly coming to work


Then you are asking for more than you say. You're asking for compassionate leave, perhaps three months, so that at the end of it you can crawl back to this job you hate in Manisa.

You're leaving the tax office, permanently. You're moving back to Istanbul, permanently. It's none of their business what's wrong with your father. There's no complicated legal procedure. They won't give you a transfer, so you're going. End of story.
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#93

Postby desperate788 » Thu Jan 31, 2019 8:10 am

I just can't resign
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#94

Postby Candid » Thu Jan 31, 2019 8:13 am

Candid did not like this post.
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#95

Postby desperate788 » Thu Jan 31, 2019 8:14 am

It's a very important decision not easy to make.
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#96

Postby Candid » Thu Jan 31, 2019 9:29 am

No decision is still a decision.
When you decide not to decide, you decide to stay where you are and keep living the way you've been living, the way you've been complaining about for years.
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#97

Postby desperate788 » Thu Jan 31, 2019 9:43 am

I don't have the energy and motivation to start a new life.
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#98

Postby quietvoice » Thu Jan 31, 2019 1:05 pm

desperate788 wrote:I don't have the energy and motivation to start a new life.

Let me rephrase that:

I choose to not have the energy and motivation to start a new life.

Doesn't that sound more like it? Because, everyone is always choosing, consciously or unconsciously. Most people choose from their unconscious, conditioned self. Most people don't even know that when they "choose" that they aren't really choosing, because they are thinking/acting from their conditioned self. Hmm . . .

I guess the first matter is to expand your consciousness. But then you have to choose to do so. This is starting to get circular . . .

Perhaps, you ought to stay put. That will certainly make things easier, right?
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#99

Postby desperate788 » Thu Jan 31, 2019 1:43 pm

I want a new life so much just lack motivation to create it. Even doing simplest things is a struggle I'm so fed up with life. I just want to sleep all day. What does you ought to stay put mean? Haw can one expand their consciousness? Indeed subconscious factors play a big role in my life.
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#100

Postby Candid » Thu Jan 31, 2019 1:48 pm

desperate788 wrote:I want a new life so much just lack motivation to create it.


Then you'll need the motivation to be happy where you are.

What does you ought to stay put mean?


It means if you can't go, you'll have to stay -- and "That will certainly make things easier, right?"
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#101

Postby desperate788 » Thu Jan 31, 2019 1:51 pm

I want to go anyways I want to leave everything related to this work behind. But stating is easier indeed.
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#102

Postby desperate788 » Thu Jan 31, 2019 1:58 pm

If I can expand my consciousness I will automatically choose to be happy?
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#103

Postby Candid » Thu Jan 31, 2019 2:02 pm

Easier isn't necessarily better.

A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man only one.
He who chooses always what is easiest faces the toughest challenges.

I want to go anyways I want to leave everything related to this work behind.


You don't want all that enough. If and when you want it enough, you'll do it. In the meantime you'll stay stuck.

Things may have to get a lot worse before you'll want it enough.

If I can expand my consciousness I will automatically choose to be happy?


You're already choosing to be happy. Happiness for you means the safest option, the least trouble, no risk involved, no effort required.
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#104

Postby desperate788 » Thu Jan 31, 2019 2:10 pm

Yes I'm a coward unfortunately. It doesn't change I'm a coward afraid from simplest things like even driving a car it must be related to my damaged brain I drank tons of green tea to relax it didn't help much.
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