Why do I stay friends with people who treat me badly?

Postby bunnyrabbit » Sat Aug 04, 2018 11:04 am

This is more of a psychological question I guess. It would be nice to know what the hell is wrong with my mind that causes this to happen.

Ever since I can remember, I have had ‘friends’ who have treated me very badly, but I remain friends with them. I don’t like it when they treat me badly, but I allow it to happen. I think of cutting them off but then I feel guilty because ‘they’re nice to me sometimes’. A lot of my friendships have been very hot and cold, as in the good times are great (we have fun) and the bad times are awful (they bully me and make me feel terrible). Having no friends and being alone scares me too much.

I currently have an issue where I’m trying to cut myself off from two people who treated me really badly and basically showed me that they’re not my friends, but I have this guilt because it feels like I’m being ungrateful for the times they were nice to me.

My family was slightly toxic when I was growing up, so that could be a reason.

I’m also a bit of a ‘hoarder’ and I have trouble throwing things away, that includes toxic long-standing relationships.

What’s going on?
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#1

Postby Reality » Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:53 am

bunnyrabbit wrote:This is more of a psychological question I guess. It would be nice to know what the hell is wrong with my mind that causes this to happen.

Ever since I can remember, I have had ‘friends’ who have treated me very badly, but I remain friends with them. I don’t like it when they treat me badly, but I allow it to happen. I think of cutting them off but then I feel guilty because ‘they’re nice to me sometimes’. A lot of my friendships have been very hot and cold, as in the good times are great (we have fun) and the bad times are awful (they bully me and make me feel terrible). Having no friends and being alone scares me too much.

I currently have an issue where I’m trying to cut myself off from two people who treated me really badly and basically showed me that they’re not my friends, but I have this guilt because it feels like I’m being ungrateful for the times they were nice to me.

My family was slightly toxic when I was growing up, so that could be a reason.

I’m also a bit of a ‘hoarder’ and I have trouble throwing things away, that includes toxic long-standing relationships.

What’s going on?

Over dependent on people and things to make you feel okay.

Deep down you know you are an okay person. You are capable of being honest, loving and caring. Focus on those lovely qualities of yourself for they will sustain you through your whole life. Having that knowing that you are truly oaky, as you are, will help you to break the fear of being alone or having no friends _ which does not mean you will stay that way.

You will become your own best friend by staying true to yourself. The goal is interdependency where you can depend on others yet be self-dependent too. In this way you will stand up for yourself without feeling any guilt whatsoever, because you know your worth it.
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#2

Postby laureat » Sun Aug 12, 2018 2:48 pm

its because we are lazy enough to plan a different life without those ppl or maybe lazy enough to follow the plan

there is no need to feel guilty of rejecting someone who doesnt treat you good

there is no need to fear bcs only good can happen, bad is already there
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#3

Postby lshek167 » Mon Aug 13, 2018 11:48 am

bunnyrabbit wrote:This is more of a psychological question I guess. It would be nice to know what the hell is wrong with my mind that causes this to happen.

Ever since I can remember, I have had ‘friends’ who have treated me very badly, but I remain friends with them. I don’t like it when they treat me badly, but I allow it to happen. I think of cutting them off but then I feel guilty because ‘they’re nice to me sometimes’. A lot of my friendships have been very hot and cold, as in the good times are great (we have fun) and the bad times are awful (they bully me and make me feel terrible). Having no friends and being alone scares me too much.

I currently have an issue where I’m trying to cut myself off from two people who treated me really badly and basically showed me that they’re not my friends, but I have this guilt because it feels like I’m being ungrateful for the times they were nice to me.

My family was slightly toxic when I was growing up, so that could be a reason.

I’m also a bit of a ‘hoarder’ and I have trouble throwing things away, that includes toxic long-standing relationships.

What’s going on?


I have been in your position before too.
Extremely toxic, bad influences, Always had the excuse to make me feel miserable, Yes we had good times partying and with events together but was my misery worth that one night of happiness?

You say that its only sometimes our friends treat you badly? Have you ever tried telling them to stop what they are saying/doing to you. or telling them that it hurt you ? IF they were your TRUE friends, they would re-evaluate themselves as friends and apologise.
If not then is it worth having such a toxic relationship.?
My very good freind now told me once back then 'Friends should never hurt or make you feel the way i felt. If they do, is it worht having some toxicity in my life. where i am crying everyday because of them.' its actually worth having no friends than toxic ones.

Remember Quality over Quality.
It may seem scary to just let go of them but it will make you so much happier (of course only if they dont change after you talk to them)

I used to have a good 30 people so called friends.
Now, i am with 5 girls that i would call friends, others are just acquaintance now.

I hope my story helps you find your way with your friends
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