Correlation between environment and event source of stress?

Postby ced316 » Mon Aug 06, 2018 7:31 am

Awhile back I posted about my martial arts gym that built me up for a year to be promoted, then the day of promotions they elevated all of my friends and left me out...only to tell me try again next year.

during that time I was working out there under the pressure of feeling that I had to please the instructors somehow some way- the idea that if I worked hard enough, performed well enough I would progress through the system like everyone else. I did that for about 5 years. I enjoyed the training, i was just not going anywhere.
Eventually the pressure became a complex ; If i didnt win competitions then it would validate the reason that the people above me dont value my input. I would regress and withdraw OR i would have anxiety so strong that I would have other sick symptoms appear (usually bronchitius). I felt so anxious that I would self sabotage why i couldnt even watch my friends at events. As If I would be exposed as to not being good enough or something

I have since changed my surroundings, joined a new training team and made new friends. everyone is very supportive and encouraging. After 6 months the gym decided i was over due and promoted me and it felt amazing. I feel now that i want to give myself permission to fail and actually learn without any pressure.

my question is: is it possible that the negative perception that I felt the older team / instructors had about me create a complex that was the root of my anxiety to compete? within a competition , someone has to lose. Instead of looking for a good time at an event, i was possibly looking for approval; which leads to anxiety ?

I'm just trying to sort this out so I can never ever feel like that again
ced316
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#1

Postby Fellow Traveler » Mon Aug 06, 2018 11:34 am

Your old instructors should have told you what skills you needed to work on in order to advance. Secondly they should've gone over with you how to deal with anxiety before a match.

I mean you're going to have a certain level of anxiety before a match, that's natural. It's important to you
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#2

Postby Fellow Traveler » Mon Aug 06, 2018 11:34 am

Your old instructors should have told you what skills you needed to work on in order to advance. Secondly they should've gone over with you how to deal with anxiety before a match.

I mean you're going to have a certain level of anxiety before a match, that's natural. It's important to you.

I think you're doing a good job of trying to understand how to deal with your mental state by seeking knowledge online just make sure you study various sources and try and become your own counselor and guru.
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#3

Postby ced316 » Mon Aug 06, 2018 10:51 pm

that is why i left. i really enjoyed my friends there, but the instructors were very selective with who they worked with and didnt. i was one of the guys they basically ignored all year long. they literally did not know how long i had been there or what my skill set was. they basically took me and others like me for granted. i have goals and i have dreams that i couldnt reach there so i made changes.

i just felt that they did not respect me and dismissed my ability - so i might have had something to prove while i trained or even competed. having something to prove might have been the issue that drove me crazy. i will continue looking for answers and prospective because i love learning and it can only help me and others in the future
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