friends story

Postby iamOlivia » Tue Aug 07, 2018 3:02 am

I have been friends with this guy for over four years and we've gotten really close lately. We met in our last year of college and became friends since all of our lectures were together. At first he was really quite and shy but seemed friendly, he was always smiling. Anyways, we both graduated and continued to be really good friend for the next three years.

The last few months we started talking a lot more. We get coffee, go to the movies and we have similar views on most things which makes it so easy to be around him. He is so polite and kind, something that always stood out, not just to me but everyone around him. Getting to know him was really tough at the start, he was really quite and always kept to himself. He still is but I've accepted that and have told him. I'll mention that I see nothing wrong with being quite and reserved, it can be really refreshing to be in the company with someone that has those traits.

Me and him were talking and he opened up about his childhood. He had an extremely rough time. You would never imagine that someone so kind could be treated in such a way. High school was an absolute nightmare for him. When he told me I was shocked (I kept what I wanted to say to myself and just listened) but a small part of me always knew he'd been through something. Just not to that extent. Anyways, since then it hasn't been the same. He Doesn't call or text and I'm worried that he regrets telling me. I'm really confused and sad because I really love him. He is one in a million. When I tell others some things that are personal to me I sometimes don't want to talk to them for a little while but I always text or answer back. He hasn't.

My question is what could he be feeling after opening up? Is he embarrassed that I know? I would talk to him about it but I really don't want to make things worse. Thank you, Olivia
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Aug 07, 2018 12:47 pm

iamOlivia wrote: My question is what could he be feeling after opening up? Is he embarrassed that I know? I would talk to him about it but I really don't want to make things worse. Thank you, Olivia


He is playing to his natural strength, which is to play the part of the wounded bird. It is not something intentional. It is a behavior that works for him. To form relationships he believes he must be submissive. He opens up and then withdraws, putting the responsibility and power of the relationship in your hands.

You might currently feel like you love him and want to play the part of taking care of the wounded bird, but for a long term relationship that will get very old. Be careful.
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#2

Postby iamOlivia » Wed Aug 08, 2018 12:56 am

Thank you for your answer Richard. At first when I read your reply I was confused because what you were conveying conflicted with what I was thinking. I thought about it all afternoon and just went over to his apartment and confronted him. He was completely honest with why he wasn't responding to my calls or texts and it does hurt a bit that were not alike as I thought. But, we are talking again which I'm really pleased with. So thank you. One step at a time.
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