Hey guys, as of today 8/17/2018 I am officially two months off weed and 2 weeks off nicotine.
Just to give you guys a recap I am 21 years old and I smoked daily for a year and a half while I’ve been on nicotine since I was 17. While some may write me off because I haven’t been the 10-20 year daily smoker I will say that I was smoking strong stuff. I don’t want to say I was addicted considering I had no problem turning weed down and only smoked when I had nothing else important going on like work or school, but I was definitely dependent. I never missed a day. After returning home from university I could not get away with smoking as much I was so instead of smoking nearly every chance I got I started only taking a puff or two before going to sleep. This seemed okay for a couple weeks until I noticed that I was not quite acting the same, I seemed to be anxious and just generally sad. Keep in mind I have never had to deal with any mental issues like depressIon or anxiety so this was very weird and I summed it up to being the weed. Boy was I right.
After determining the weed (or lack of) was causing me to feel this way I through away all my supply and paraphernalia without second thought. What happened afterwards is where I begin the real story. For the first two weeks I could not eat or drink anything without puking or having awful diarrhea. I could not sit still. My vision was constantly looking like I was looking through somebodies glasses. My heart was about 10 bpm higher than usual all the time and I had 3 panic attacks which I have never had before except for one time when I smoked to much but just thought it was a bad high and wrote it off.
After those initial two weeks my physical symptoms calmed down and what laws left was horrible mental torment. Depression and what was/is insane anxiety and ocd, headaches that feel like I had rubber bands wrapped around my skull, muscle tightness and blurry vision. Luckily I found this forum right around that time and literally became so obsessed I could not take my eyes off it wondering when I would feel better. While I am not suicidal I had constantly been fighting off the fear of becoming such and basically any negative thinking brings about those fears for myself and others which I chalk up to the extreme anxiety/ocd.
After the initial month ended around halfway through month two I calmed down dramatically. I am still dealing with the headaches, and occasional blurry but vision the aspects that bother me the most are the constants depression and anxiety. I do have good days where my symptoms seem to subside a lot to the point that I can halfway function like a normal person, but these typically only last in pairs and I still don’t have my sense of humor, my personality, my sense of hope or wonder, and really just my feelings in general other than mad, sad or bored. I can’t communicate with others not even my family often responding with one word answers like “yea” or “uh huh” which breaks my heart because before all this they couldn’t get me to shut up, and I never want to hang out with friends. I honestly feel trapped inside my own home. I don’t have any motivation and I’m constantly worried about the future and question my purpose etc etc. which may be the most troubling part about this because despite what the anxiety and my brain are telling me I know exactly what I want and I love life. The only good thing that has come out of this is that it has brought me closer to God and has given me plenty of incentive to stay off drugs. But the constant depression and racing mind seem to be taking a tole as is the lack of motivation often making me feel glued to the couch.
I know this hasn’t been the most motivational post but I also realize that despite not using as long as some of you the recovery process will take time and your posts are really the only sense of encouragement I get considering even my doctors blows this off or tried to get me on AD’s. I can say though I have improved dramatically since just the first month and I credit that to God, time, and supplements (I would recommend omega 3, b-12, and a long walk every morning). If anybody has a similar story or just wants to throw in some inspiration please do so and I will try to keep updating occasionally since I’m on the forum anyways.