2 months down

#15

Postby Astro413 » Sat Aug 25, 2018 1:55 pm

Hey guys new update: so these last 2 days have been pretty good as in I’ve felt happier and I haven’t been completely debilitated by the depression or anxiety. Don’t get me wrong there were a few moments each day that my stomach sank and my mind began to race but it hadn’t gotten to the point that I felt I needed to shelter myself inside all day. So I’m a more cheerful way of speaking I had 2 good days and although I’m just waking up today feels like another so far!

Don’t get me wrong I’m nowhere near out of the woods, at least I feel like I would feel like it would be foolish to think so at this point but I’m enjoying it while I can. I still wake up early due to anxiety, basically I go from dreaming to having thoughts (usually negative/unsettling) going 100 miles per hour which usually takes around 10 minutes to calm down unless I use my cbd which I only use when it’s really bad or on days where the intrusive thoughts are seemingly nonstop. And I still kind of feel like a shell of myself. An example would be my friends came over yesterday and we went fishing and just kind of hung out but the whole time I never felt like I was connecting with them, I was making conversation but something inside me didn’t feel right and I knew I still wasn’t my old self. If it makes sense it’s like I was happy to be around but I was t comfortable at the same time which was a weird feeling. Maybe this is part of the depression, I don’t know.

My main concern now is that I just have this constant malaise feeling about everything, I don’t know if it’s part of the depression, anxiety, or a new symptom all together, but I constantly feel the opposite of content which I have always been (before smoking). And I’m constantly thinking about life still, like what’s my purpose, what’s the point, etc. etc. and it’s kind of disconcerning especially on top of my negative intrusive thoughts which I have to admit have gotten better. All in all I’m just not living in the present moment or enjoying life right now. So although I feel like I know the answer to this, if somebody that went through the same thing can reply and just tell me about their experience or tell me they got their mind back it would be super appreciated. Thanks for reading my long update.
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#16

Postby BullFrog » Sat Aug 25, 2018 8:55 pm

Good to know that there are some days where it's hard to notice! I feel like those days remind us it's possible to get to full recovery. That kinda sucks about feeling like you have the flu though. I hope when you read this you are having another one of the much better days, Astro. :)
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#17

Postby Cthompson21 » Sat Aug 25, 2018 9:48 pm

So good to hear! Keep up the good work Astro. Reading your post made my evening. More good days are coming, they might come in intervals, but that's a great sign...keep going strong. I didn't go thru weed PAWS before but I did from something else and i was normal again after time passed and I took care of myself with exercise and eating right and...patience. I know you will be too, you're awesome! Other people did too, look at bvl's post on here, biggiesize and others.
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#18

Postby Astro413 » Sat Aug 25, 2018 11:10 pm

Bullfrog, Cthompson, thanks for the replies it’s nice to hear from you guys. But is it really normal to feel empty like this? Other than reading on this forum I do fill my days with activities to stay busy but nothing seems to light a spark in me. Not to sound to negative because I have been somewhat optimistic as I have mentioned but this feeling is still present.
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#19

Postby BullFrog » Sat Aug 25, 2018 11:44 pm

Feeling empty seems to be something I have read from others. And there could be a lot of possibilities as to why that is. It could be what the weed did on your system, almost kinda like a depression sorta symptom. It could also be an issue in your social life or just personal. I know this PAWS issue for me made me realize how NOT present I was with my family. I was always in my head or always ticking off the time where everyone would be in bed so I could do things just for me. Selfish absolutely. But now I realized I couldn't live like that any more. So the trauma of PAWS made me realize that was not a way to live life. Do you think this emptiness issue is new? Did it ever happen prior? If not, do you think some serious self reflection is in order? Just some thoughts I am throwing out there for you. Keep us posted.
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#20

Postby Astro413 » Sun Aug 26, 2018 1:20 am

Yea I get what your saying. No this is something totally new, after doing some reflecting I kinda realized what I already knew in that basically the entire first month off weed I had spent in a constant panic, while I’m not panicking anymore I’m just kind of left with anxiety, and that depressing empty feeling, again which I’ve never experienced until going through weed withdrawals/PAWS. I’ll be honest I’ve read someone else on here mention that they never even thought depression/anxiety were real until they went through PAWS and I’m right there with them. Really took me by surprise but there is plenty of proof (you included) that these feeling will pass, sometimes we just need some reassurance.
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