Advice about feelings for a friend

Postby idk782 » Tue Aug 21, 2018 7:21 pm

I can’t believe this is even a thing for me at my age. I’ve been single for a long time, and I’ve been happy. All of a sudden, I started having feelings for a friend of mine, and have no idea what to do. I’m under the impression that if a man is interested, he’ll pursue you, but we’re already friends, so that doesn’t really apply. On top of that, I would say we’re both poor at the emotional side of things – very much so – plus a lot of fear stemming from that. Not physically expressive either. Neither of us has had any particularly long relationships before, nor have we ever been married. I’m 30+, he’s 40+

There have been moments I got weird vibes, and thought something was going to happen (this was before I realized I liked him more), so I kind of backed off/created a bit of distance. I regret this now. He’s always thoughtful when we’re out (protective, walks me home, offers to carry things), but that could be with everyone. I don’t know. Only bought me a drink once. He doesn’t have any other female friends (or many friends at all), so no point of reference. He isn't a texter, but generally responds to mine with humor/absurdity. More of a speak in person sort - probably his age more than anything.

I would love to have him ask me out on a proper date, something, but I don't think he ever will, and I'm too much of a coward to do it myself. I don't even know if he is actually interested. I’m thinking maybe just walk away. I have lost a lot of sleep over this, and it’s seriously having a detrimental effect on all facets of my life. The main problem is we work in the same place (not together, so I only see him in the hall/break room), so it’s harder to cut him out entirely. (I don’t need a lecture on workplace politics. Our company is lax.)

I suppose what I’m asking is should I walk away, or HOW should I walk away? If I don't, how should I go about letting him know without being uncomfortable? I don’t want to lose a friend, but at the same time, that would be preferable to losing my mind.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Aug 21, 2018 10:00 pm

There are ways to ask him out and gain certainty without ruining the friendship.

Ask him for help fixing/repairing/moving something at your place in exchange for dinner. Come up with ideas that provide opportunities that allow for touching of shoulders, arms, hands. Sit next to him on the couch after dinner to show him photos. Touch and then see if he reciprocates.

If he is interested he will accept the invitation and he will have body language that reciprocates your interest.
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#2

Postby idk782 » Wed Aug 22, 2018 1:57 am

I honestly wouldn't have thought to do what you suggested. Seems like a good starting point. Thank you!
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#3

Postby laureat » Wed Aug 22, 2018 5:44 am

i believe you have seen positive signals and there for you now have feelings about him otherwise if would see negative signals you would not consider that, uncounsciously
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#4

Postby JamesexceP » Sat Aug 25, 2018 1:30 am

Well that's interesting.. I donno what I can really say about it though.
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#5

Postby JamesexceP » Sat Aug 25, 2018 1:34 am

If you wana do it just do it. You don't need our permission. You know the best course of action.
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