Regret Over Sibling Sexual Experimentation - Need Help

#15

Postby DaSilva1727 » Sat Sep 01, 2018 9:54 pm

Wow that was amazing Xscreen I'm very grateful for that advice on OCD.

After reading all that maybe it is my OCD that makes me feel guilty and ashamed from the incident although multiple people on forums, as well as my therapist, told me that it's not a bad situation and nothing to really worry about.

I'm going to start taking these things into my daily life and hopefully they will get better in time. My regret wont go away and the situation wont be forgotten but at least I wont give it much reaction or emotion so that it doesnt paralyze me

Thanks again :)
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#16

Postby Demerise831 » Tue May 21, 2019 11:01 pm

xscreen wrote:I relate to this post so much. I've been dealing with intrusive thoughts about a similar experience when I was in my teens. This happened when I was 15-16-17 I can't really recall exactly how old I was (that kinda freaks me out) and the other person involved was way younger than me. Happened during like a wrestle or something I can't really remember how, but it ended up in some rubbing that up until this day disgusts me. The other person didn't even know this occurred because it was during a game. No threats or force were involved.
The memories hit me up all of a sudden and to be honest, I was overwhelmed and I didn't know what to make of them. Sometimes I still believe I was an abuser and that is debilitating. The fact that I can't remember everything clearly makes everything worse. OCD makes you wanna have control over everything but you can't control thoughts. They can pop up whenever/wherever and they are not even complete, so you fill up the holes with the worse ideas. "What if?"
I just started with antidepressants (sertraline) to deal with anxiety/OCD and I'm having therapy sessions. My therapist says it's somehow normal to engage in that type of behavior when you are exploring sexuality but I'm still troubled about the age thing. I guess we all develop differently and we need to understand that we cannot analyze things that happened years ago when we were young with an adult mindset. I just came here to tell you that you are not alone, it's damn hard sometimes but you are not a bad person. I hope you get the help you need.


Hi there. I am a 34 year old female. With a similar situation. When I was around the age of 12 I acted inappropriately while babysitting on two separate occasions. It was never preplanned. I was and have never been attracted to children. I have basically suppressed these memories until about two months ago and now it has consumed me. I don’t understand how I could have not thought about it all these years. I sometimes wonder whether it really happened or was a dream/what I was thinking. Both were with little children around 1-2years. The first situation I was holding the child and placed their hand over top my privates. I just wanted to know what it would feel like. The second situation I struggle to know if it indeed happened because the memory is so fuzzy and lacks details. But basically after I had changed the child I wanted to know what it would feel like to press myself against them.

I’m a very loving and good person. I’m a wife and mother and would never dream of hurting anyone. But these thoughts absolutely disgust me. But I keep telling myself that my 12 year old self was someone who was curious and didn’t know proper boundaries. My intentions were never to hurt anyone. And thank god the children were little and have no memory.

I sometimes wonder if my own experiences effected my boundaries. When I was 9/10 a family friend exposed his genitals to me. And then right around the age of 12 I was exposed to pornographic material.

May I ask how old the children were? And which country do you live in? I’ve wanted to talk to someone but I fear the therapist would have to break confidentiality and report me.

I started setraline 2.5 weeks ago and it’s been absolutely awful. Now on 50mg. I am in a panic almost all day. The insomnia (probably due to the anxiety and constant pure OCD) has been awful and I’m having to take 25mg of Trazodone to sleep. I still wake periodically in a panic. Appetite is totally gone and I’m so nauseous. I hope it gets better soon.
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#17

Postby xscreen » Tue May 21, 2019 11:51 pm

Hi Demerise831, I'm really sorry you're going through this.
To answer your question, I was 16 and the other person was around 6. I'm still on antidepressants but my psychiatrist made me switch to Vilazodone bcs Sertraline was killing off my libido.
Be strong and have patience, Sertraline is really effective but tends to have some nasty side effects on some people. They will disappear within a few days, I promise.

Hope you can come around this. It takes a lot of courage to accept our past and go forward in life. Own who you are and it will get better.

Talk to your therapist about this. There's no way they can report you because 1) you cannot held accountable for this because you were a child and it happened a long time ago 2) actually it is not that big of a deal, its your brain that's making it grow out of proportion making you doubt yourself and feel guilty.

I recommend you to read my previous posts where I shared some info about OCD and intrusive thoughts. You have no idea how much that helped me out.

Wish you the best and take care!
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#18

Postby Demerise831 » Wed May 22, 2019 1:45 am

xscreen wrote:Hi Demerise831, I'm really sorry you're going through this.
To answer your question, I was 16 and the other person was around 6. I'm still on antidepressants but my psychiatrist made me switch to Vilazodone bcs Sertraline was killing off my libido.
Be strong and have patience, Sertraline is really effective but tends to have some nasty side effects on some people. They will disappear within a few days, I promise.

Hope you can come around this. It takes a lot of courage to accept our past and go forward in life. Own who you are and it will get better.

Talk to your therapist about this. There's no way they can report you because 1) you cannot held accountable for this because you were a child and it happened a long time ago 2) actually it is not that big of a deal, its your brain that's making it grow out of proportion making you doubt yourself and feel guilty.

I recommend you to read my previous posts where I shared some info about OCD and intrusive thoughts. You have no idea how much that helped me out.

Wish you the best and take care!


I don’t see a way to PM you on your profile. Feel free to PM me back and we can chat outside these feed.

Thank you so much for your nice words. It means a lot!

How old are you now? Are you male? How long did you suppress the memory for?

Which country do you live in where you can talk to someone confidentially? Where I live we have strict laws regarding this stuff and I worry about being reported.

The setraline has been a beast. My anxiety with it is through the roof. I just upped to 50mg this past Sunday. I can barely function. The insomnia is unreal. Im sure it’s the anxiety pulling through. The heartburn is also. I take Prilosec each evening now. I’m so nauseous from morning until the evening (I take it around 9am after my thyroid meds absorb and I eat something) I’ve dropped about 15lbs in the past month. Oh yes and the sex troubles too. Takes me a lot longer. I tried Lexapro for one week. Came off of it for a week. And then started on the Setraline 2.5 weeks ago. Though thankfully I have a slight sense of calm this evening. I hope this continues.

I wish you peace and good health. Please reach out if you’d like to stay in touch.
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#19

Postby Candid » Fri May 24, 2019 10:16 pm

xscreen wrote:I'm gonna paste some info at the end of the post that helped me a lot!


Good stuff, xscreen, but for future reference, please put author names, or links, on copied material.
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