Hurt and confused ?

Postby Sunnysideup33 » Sat Aug 25, 2018 2:04 am

This may be fairly lengthy so I will start from the beginning with a warning of the length. But overall I really need someone outside perspective!!! Thanks in advance. Okay. So back last year my boyfriend of four years and I , whom lived together in a beautiful apartment and both had good jobs kept getting calls almost on a daily basis from his parents who live in another state — about 24 hours away car 3/plane. They were calling saying how bad they both were how sick they both were one had been in an accident and needed surgery pretty invasive ( not right away but after 9 months of therapy ) which was a 50/50 survival due to the pattern of smoking which would not allow healing properly etc - not a doctor so I don’t know specific info - but it was bad. So He made the decision very quickly to just pack up our lives and that we would be moving in February of this year. Okay so we did. Here we are fast forward 6 months later. I was going to help with hours at work , he was going to fine a job and work and we would help in any way we could around the house and help them esp because this was such a serious surgery. Okay. It never happen. We packed up our lives that we worked so hard for four years to build and move here. The surgery didn’t happen. Other issues arose, other health problems came up and we found out probably within the first month or two that we had basically made a really poor decision on our own behalf to try and help others. Smoking is still contributing to other health effects , still performing the same daily routine so nothing is going to change and surgery is now out of the question. So now we are here after we have given everything up. We learned very quickly stuffing ourselves in one bedroom after giving up everything was a poor decision. Find out two months after we get here - I’m pregnant :) which is unexpected but fine st the same time but now adding a whole new level of stress to the already stressful equation. We quickly realized that this was not at all what we anticipated or set out to do when we planned on coming to help and It turned into a pretty violate situation very quickly. Bf and his mother don’t really get along ( they are great people and I love all of them ) but it’s a really horrible living situation for me being that I am pregnant. It’s constant stress , yelling , I can’t come and go as I please , I can’t nap without being criticized , ( pregnant ) I also work and I help around the house as well as contribute financially when I can nearly anything which is incredibly tough since I can’t even dig out of the hole I’m in from moving here. We attempted to find a place of our own after saving up for a couple months and the neighborhood ended up being in a complete shithole and we lived there for not even a month before we had two cars broken into and really just a poor living situation that was unacceptable to be raising a child. Won’t bore you with all the details but it was bad. None the less we lost $3000 after only being there a month by sacrificing our security first month and all down payments on utility. So back to the parents house we go. The situation is even more stressful now as I feel like all of the stress is 100% on me. I feel like we are a burden to be here even though neither of us had anticipated it being like this. It is really ruining our relationship because I want nothing to do with their arguments I just want to go home after work and relax. I get constantly criticized and it’s really difficult to be happy. I think it is in my best interest to move back home where I have a support system to get through my pregnancy. I mean this is so bad I am going to sleep crying every single night because I am so stressed. I want my child to come into this world not stressed none of this is fair to me or my child. I would really like some input I’m sorry I’m missing some stuff but this could go on forever. Basically I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Please help.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Aug 25, 2018 2:24 am

What keeps you from moving back home?
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#2

Postby Sunnysideup33 » Sat Aug 25, 2018 2:31 am

My boyfriend started a job down here using his best friend as a reference. He doesn’t want to burn any bridges. I also don’t want to move back home alone , esp being that I am pregnant. I would need to take some time probably with my family to get myself back together and rebuild my life again but I wish it was cut and dry unfortunately I just am in the position where I can’t leave without him
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Aug 25, 2018 3:15 am

Sunnysideup33 wrote: I wish it was cut and dry unfortunately I just am in the position where I can’t leave without him


This type of problem has a lot of variables, but ultimately this doesn’t change your options. You have very limited options and all of your options suck.

In other words, while it can be difficult to mull over all sorts of variables, e.g. his parents, the surgery, the pregnancy, his job, the relationship, etc. this does nothing to expand the range of solutions. You either stay or you go.

That’s it. You have two crappy options. You stay or you go. Which crappy option is the least crappy? Take that option.

Now, you have stated the crappy option of leaving is off the table. This means you have chosen option A over option B. It is not the option I would take, but you have your reasons. There is no 3rd option.

This reminds me of a friend of mine and the crappy options he had after finding out he had cancer. He had tons of variables to consider, but he could only choose between no treatment, surgery, or radiation. It sucked, because it was a lose, lose, lose situation. There were no good options. All he could do was pick the least crappy.

Anyway, it sucks when you have to pick your poison.
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#4

Postby Sunnysideup33 » Sat Aug 25, 2018 3:27 am

Thanks for your input ! And crappy decisions a or b sounds spot on :-) I’m also going to be 30 so I’m not a considerably young spring chicken it just sucks to grin and bear going backwards instead of forward. I hope and pray I can conquer all of this sooner than later !!
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