Can a question be a criticism?

Postby Hamming » Sun Aug 26, 2018 9:16 am

I have learned from "How to win frineds..." book to not criticize if I want to make friends or get what I want from people.

So I try to not criticize. But still I had feedback from friends that I was f***ing the mind when I asked question in the job interview - is there always the smoke in the office, I have read it is unhealthy. The smoke was of incense.

Also recently in one forum I saw some charts and after few times of trying to undersntad those charts - I have asked: "am I the only one who does not understand those charts" ? The author of those charts replied - sounded angry - "before you criticize, post your own".

I could answer - "where do you see criticism? " he made me angry because he accuses me of something I have not done. But maybe I have done? I did not answer because he might be good and so I do not want to make him angry even more, I want to learn from him.

If question is a criticism, then how can I know what are criticisms and what are not?
And how do I get information without asking that question? Especially this does not make sense - I need information but I cannot ask because I will be accused of criticising.

I had read a wikipedia article and it state that its is not good to never criticize. But how to criticize good, from what I have read sounded complicated. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism

When I look at Trump for example , it feels like he does not care and criticizes however he wants. Why he can not care? because he is president of USA?
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#1

Postby Chad Capote » Fri Sep 07, 2018 6:12 am

You seem to have experienced friction because of people's sensitive egos. It's hard to tell who is going to take it easy in which conversation and who is going to react to an innocent comment with snide.

I suggest you take up courses in soft skills. Learn a little more about the kind of people you are talking to when you are signing up on forums. You do not have to rehearse everything you want to say before you say it, but take it step by step. Measure your words.

Forgive yourself when people don't. Read more often, watch people's behavior which is a great cue to how you can direct conversations.

If you need links to online courses or resources on soft-skills, hit me up on a private message. Take it easy on yourself first and enjoy learning:)
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#2

Postby Candid » Fri Sep 07, 2018 6:43 am

Is there always the smoke in the office? I have read it is unhealthy.
"You're breaking workplace safety regulations."
What information did you want?
Their answer: If you consider the workplace unhealthy, you're not the right man for the job.

Am I the only one who does not understand those charts?
"The charts don't make sense."
What information did you want?
Their answer: Yes, other people understand them.

how to criticize good
You criticised the workplace and the charts, probably to the person responsible for the incense and certainly to the man who made the charts. It's called implied criticism. I don't like the smoke, the charts don't make anything clear.

When I look at Trump for example , it feels like he does not care and criticizes however he wants. Why he can not care? because he is president of USA?
Yes, probably. He's surrounded by yes-men. If he says something's not right, it's up to someone else to fix it. All he has to do is take responsibility for the health and prosperity of a country.

If you wanted the job, you had to hold your nose and stay quiet. You might as well have announced: "I can't work in these conditions."

All you did was declare the workplace unhealthy and yourself not clever enough to understand a chart -- or to keep quiet about your ignorance.
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