Emotional roller coaster

Postby Cthompson21 » Fri Aug 31, 2018 2:10 am

Well I'm laying in bed trying to sleep and can't. I've been pretty depressed the past couple days it's hard to put into words. I went through PAWS once and it robbed me of two years of my life, tried weed and it set me back all over again. And all I keep thinking is why? Why did you do that? I'm young supposed to be living life and enjoying my youth and working and here I am miserable, thanks to drugs and weed. I wanna go out and shout from the roof tops the dangers of weed. I feel like I have no vitality, no desire to socialize, I just don't care and I know it's gonna be a while but not knowing how long is also making me crazy. Oh well I guess it makes me feel better to post stuff like this on the internet to try to get support but man, this really sucks. I hope anyone who smokes reading this sees the hell that weed will put you through and take it as a warning. I just feel miserable. Trying to stay strong but miserable...depression + anxiety + insomnia = misery. Don't smoke weed!
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#1

Postby Robb1e_g » Fri Aug 31, 2018 3:53 am

Hey man, trust me when I say I understand you. I can’t enjoy my teen years with this bs. I mean I guess I deserve it for abusing a drug. And I was stupid for it and wasting my life. But this is hell. I just posted not too long before you if you want to read my post on what happens and how I’m feeling 9 1/2 months in. I’d say the worst part of it is when I’m going through these anxious and sometimes depressive episodes nothing helps like at all except for pushing through till it goes away, it’s awful. I hope it goes away idk if I could do this for the rest of my life, then again it’s doubtful it would be this bad forever. Just constantly in my head thinking negative thoughts. There’s no way I did permanent damage, but it sure feels like I did. At least we aren’t alone man, don’t give up, we have no other choice. It’s the right thing to do and life is so worth it.
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#2

Postby Cthompson21 » Fri Aug 31, 2018 9:25 am

Hey man I read your post. It looks like you are getting better and better which is great. Sorry you still have the negative/existential thoughts. It just takes a while, like you said maybe 1.5 years to 2. I can't take this for the rest of my life either, I just got some sleep but keep waking up from nightmares. They say the worst is the beginning so you're right gotta keep pushing. Life is too important. I just wanna feel normal again sometimes the pain is just raw. I keep reading this forum obsessing that it'll be okay again one day, it's helping me hang on and I feel like I'm hanging on for dear life sometimes! It could be worse, but still, this is f*cking awful. All my best to you keep in the fight x
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#3

Postby BullFrog » Fri Aug 31, 2018 2:23 pm

Cthompson, I feel for you bro. It just sucks. No way around that fact. Hopefully you can find some relief today. Anxiety and insomnia are just a nasty combination. Last night I had a small bout of anxiety. Right before bed. UGH!

And I agree, weed just isn't worth the risk in my opinion.
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#4

Postby Cthompson21 » Fri Aug 31, 2018 2:42 pm

Thanks for your reply bullfrog. I hope more relief comes soon. Hate this but gotta go through it. I'm trying to stay strong...I keep telling myself every day today I'm gonna be a really tough guy and get through it. But it's hard when your emotions and mixed up brain is at the reins, hope I can regain control someday. Hope you have a good day too. X
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#5

Postby Robb1e_g » Fri Aug 31, 2018 4:48 pm

Best wishes to you guys, one day we’ll look up fully recovered and never look back, fight the good fight guys
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#6

Postby Lucy0611 » Sat Sep 01, 2018 11:14 am

Cthompson21, Im so with you. It is so hard. Last 10 days were nothing... I felt such great...since yesterday I feel terrible again. It's like my brain plays tricks on me, my anxiety/depression level is so high. I'm so afraid never become normal again... I read the success-stories here over and over again, praying it will end one day. You are not alone. We going through the same struggle, stay strong
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#7

Postby Cthompson21 » Sat Sep 01, 2018 11:52 am

Lucy sorry to hear about the set back. But you're having 10 days in a row? That's pretty good. How long did you smoke for? I slept okay last night, woke up twice, had some interesting dreams but don't remember any nightmares which have been plaguing me recently. Ups and downs are so scary it's like you're fine one day but bad the next. That makes me anxious in itself, not knowing if you're gonna wake up feeling good or awful. Keep at it and keep posting...this forum is a godsend. Sending you strength x
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#8

Postby BullFrog » Sat Sep 01, 2018 3:56 pm

Glad to know your night was a little bit better, Cthompson. It's definitely hard to not fear a sudden dip in feelings and a rehash of the nasty symptoms. The cyclical nature of these problems is just nuts at times. But seriously, 2yearquit's post and update after 3 years makes me feel 100% confident we all get better. I mean, he wasn't just a weed smoker, but did other drugs as well and did so for a long time. He had some serious ups and downs and now he posted saying he has felt clean and good for over 90 days. Stay strong all of us! Keep posting and opening up and encouraging to the best of our ability. :)
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#9

Postby Cthompson21 » Sat Sep 01, 2018 10:21 pm

I can't wait until the day I feel that way bullfrog. I'm praying it's true. I'm mentally prepping myself that this will take 2+ years. It took my body that long last time.... Maybe it'll be shorter maybe longer. But time the only cure. Everything else just dulls the pain of anxiety and depression. I know I'm early on so my symptoms are still intense and like a knife in my side sometimes but one day they will be more manageable. I'm praying I have the strength to get by until I can be myself again. I feel so weak but GOTTA KEEP GOING!
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#10

Postby Chad Capote » Mon Sep 03, 2018 10:08 am

Have you tried yoga? it has helped me through a yo-yo lifestyle. i suggest kriya and planning your daily routine.
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#11

Postby Cthompson21 » Mon Sep 03, 2018 2:02 pm

No Chad I haven't but I've been thinking about it. Meditation has been helpful and exercise. But I haven't tried what you're talking about.
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#12

Postby Lucy0611 » Thu Sep 06, 2018 1:29 pm

Cthompson, how are you today?
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#13

Postby Cthompson21 » Thu Sep 06, 2018 2:54 pm

Hey Lucy I'm hanging in there. Trying my best every day. My anxiety is still bad but better than a month ago. I will make a update with everything at 2 months...therapy is helping me too, my therapist is encouraging me to do more things and be more social to help, and has also given me tools like bilateral stimulation and breathing exercises to cope with the anxiety. Sleep is still bad too but can't do much about that. My therapist also said that PAWS and having a stroke are similar in regard to recovery. Your brain is changed and has to recover, and it takes both stroke victims and PAWS sufferers 6 months to 2 years. I found that a little depressing but anything we can do to help our brains along it essential. Exercise and meditation....omega 3 too. And prayer. I'm praying for everyone I talk to on here and myself to get better ASAP!!! I hope you're doing well, wherever you are in recovery.
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