8 months PAWS update

Postby thegreatdane » Thu Sep 06, 2018 3:30 pm

Im closing in on 8 months and here is my monthly update.

This past month has been hard for me. Actually the past 5 months have been horrible to me. Im waking up depressed on most days, without any energy. I cant socialise anymore, i feel like there is a blockage between my connection with other human beings at this point. Social anxiety is ruining me, probably coming from low self esteem. I dont really feel emotions. If i could just cry and let out my emotions it would make me so happy honestly.
I do everything to get better. I exercise, have a good diet, i lift weights, i do everything to get better. Yet it just seems to be getting worse. No improvement in the last 5 months it feels like. Not even a "good" day :(
I dont know what to do at this point. I smoked for 3 years. Im only 21 years old so i must have messed my brain up bad.
Yeah i dont know. Hopefully 9 months is better, im so tired of it all.
thegreatdane
Full Member
 
Posts: 109
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2018 4:41 pm
Likes Received: 39


#1

Postby Cthompson21 » Thu Sep 06, 2018 3:53 pm

I'm so sorry. Not even a good day? Do you have days that are not so horrible? You smoked for three years and that's long time. So it's gonna take probably 2 years, unfortunately. I hope you get better soon but have you tried therapy at all? I'm in therapy and while I can't control symptoms it's given me tools to cope. Sending you strength and praying the next month is better for you.
Cthompson21
Full Member
 
Posts: 132
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 12:13 pm
Likes Received: 42

#2

Postby thegreatdane » Thu Sep 06, 2018 4:13 pm

I had good days during the first 3 months. I experienced the classic PAWS waves. But the last 5 months has just been a constant downer. Most days are horrible and some days are not so horrible. But i have not had a good day in at least 5 months and that makes me worried. Yes i have tried therapy and i realised that i dont have anything to really talk about with my therapist. No traumatic experiences. Its my body and brain that is out of it.
The only thing that keeps me going are the stories on this website. I really envy those of you that gets to experience a few good days here and there to keep you motivated.
thegreatdane
Full Member
 
Posts: 109
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2018 4:41 pm
Likes Received: 39

#3

Postby Bagobones » Thu Sep 06, 2018 5:57 pm

thegreatdane wrote:Yes i have tried therapy and i realised that i dont have anything to really talk about with my therapist. No traumatic experiences. Its my body and brain that is out of it.


Traumatic experiences is not needed for therapy. Its about training your thought patterns and about your future. For you its not about your past. For a soldier or a rape victim its about the past, for you its not.

Are you sure you have been to a therapist, or are you thinking what might happen if you go to a therapist? Because its your brains well being that they work on, not traumatic experiences. Traumatic experiences is part of their field, but i doupt you got a therapist specializing in that..

If you have been hounest with your doctor, you should have one that is good for addiction and drug-abuse related problems, not one that works towards traumas.. Thats like getting an electrician when you ordered a carpenter to work on your house...
Bagobones
Full Member
 
Posts: 208
Joined: Sun Sep 18, 2016 10:14 pm
Likes Received: 142

#4

Postby Cthompson21 » Thu Sep 06, 2018 6:09 pm

greatdane, you're very young and it sounds like your body is more sensitive or slower recovering. But time is on your side... keep at it and keep updating. It's frustrating but maybe it in 6 months to a year you'll have more luck. You have days that are not so horrible at the least, so there is one reason to see all is not lost. One day not so horrible will turn into good. And I agree this forum is quite helpful, I don't know where I'd be without it either.
Cthompson21
Full Member
 
Posts: 132
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 12:13 pm
Likes Received: 42

#5

Postby thegreatdane » Thu Sep 06, 2018 6:17 pm

Bagofbones - Yes i have talked to a therapist. It was just not for me. She tried finding root causes for my depression and anxiety, and its 100 percent from PAWS, which she didnt believe in because i have gone so many months. Its very expensive where i live and i will not spend any more money on it. Its really not for me.

Cthompson21 - Yeah i guess because i smoked when my brain was developing the most (16-17 years old) that it has messed it up pretty bad and can take a while to recover. Quitting is not an option for me, but it would be nice to at least see some progress soon. It is what it is, thanks for having my back and motivating me. Lets see how month 8 will go
thegreatdane
Full Member
 
Posts: 109
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2018 4:41 pm
Likes Received: 39

#6

Postby dbezerkeley » Fri Sep 07, 2018 3:57 am

How do you no its PAWS and not just your natural state of depression and anxiety? I only ask because I ask this about myself.
dbezerkeley
New Member
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2018 8:18 pm
Likes Received: 6

#7

Postby Lucy0611 » Fri Sep 07, 2018 9:27 am

GreatDane, you are not alone. Im 38 years old, ~ 11 months in. I also smoked weed about 3 years. I had about 5-7 good days per month. Some months I had only bad days, zero good days. It comes and goes like waves. Some things get better, some returns for a vew days. Often I feel like I damaged my brain forever or the withdrawals never ends. Like you, I can't feel my emotions. The level of sex drive and hunger is low. Anxiety, derealisation and depression is high. Sometimes it's so bad, I think to get crazy.

Before I started smoking and meanwhile, I hadn't such feelings. I was happy and balanced. I think we have to be patient. It's a very slow healing process. God bless this forum. I'm so happy about it.
Lucy0611
Junior Member
 
Posts: 38
Joined: Sat Mar 17, 2018 4:38 pm
Likes Received: 7

#8

Postby thegreatdane » Fri Sep 07, 2018 9:50 am

Thank you Lucy for your response. Congratz on 11 months!
Yeah its so hard. The thing that bothers me the most is that i dont have any good days at all anymore. Like i feel like im just suffering everyday and some days are "better" but to a normal person that would still be a miserable day. I would lie if i said i havent questioned if i actually have depression and anxiety and weed triggered that. But deep down i know thats not true. It was never this bad before smoking. I had good days in month 2 and 3, so that means that something is on the other end.
thegreatdane
Full Member
 
Posts: 109
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2018 4:41 pm
Likes Received: 39

#9

Postby Lucy0611 » Fri Sep 07, 2018 9:58 am

dbezerkeley wrote:How do you no its PAWS and not just your natural state of depression and anxiety? I only ask because I ask this about myself.


Hello dberzerkeley, I ask myself the same question.
The last few months I went to many doctors and also Im at a drug therapist. They told me different things about the reason. But their common, golden advice: "Stay away from weed forever!!! This is the most important thing!!!" and I has to be patient. From their experience, many people which stopped smoking or meanwhile they smoking cannabis fall ill with anxiety and/or depressions. A few people get psychoses or schizophrenia. They told me many people get healthy again. But it takes time and I had to take seriously the golden advice.
Cannabis is dangerous no matter what people say, it's causing mental illness. In my opinion people with tourette or cancer are ok to get it as medicine.
Unlikely it's a fashion drug. There are too less warnings.
I don't wish my worst enemy to go through the struggle we are going through. It's the hardest time of my life. (Sorry for bad english)
Lucy0611
Junior Member
 
Posts: 38
Joined: Sat Mar 17, 2018 4:38 pm
Likes Received: 7

#10

Postby dbezerkeley » Fri Sep 07, 2018 5:23 pm

I believe your doctors are correct, I was hoping the recovery would be much faster. I'm only a little over a month clean for and I am learning that it's going to take a lot longer than expected. I smoked for many years.
dbezerkeley
New Member
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2018 8:18 pm
Likes Received: 6

#11

Postby thegreatdane » Fri Sep 07, 2018 7:28 pm

Yeah Lucy i agree. When i started smoking i actually noticed fairly quickly that i started to change. When i really got addicted to it, i started to develop social anxiety and mild depression. When i quit these things gets MUCH worse from when you were smoking everyday. But i was a different person before smoking weed. I believe it changed my brain very quickly because i was only 17 when i started to smoke. Even though i still feel bad and like a worthless person, i have a lot of hope and i will never stop fighting or give up. I know our future selves will thank us so much for the pain we are pushing through right now.
When i started my journey i thought things would be fine after 3-4 months, how wrong was i hahaha. No but really, our brains are different and i think my brain chemicals are very sensitive to others! I believe in 3-4 months i will start to have good days.
thegreatdane
Full Member
 
Posts: 109
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2018 4:41 pm
Likes Received: 39



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Addictions